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Old 03-17-2019, 08:42 PM #1
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Default Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

Hello everyone,

Last Thursday, I quit my job of only two months. It was a major step up for me professionally and financially. I simply despised the commute, culture and nature of the work. I felt like I was dead when I was there. Just an immense, overwhelming sadness. On top of it, I suffer from GAD and occipital neuralgia and this situation made my symptoms so much worse.

I called in sick last Tuesday, Wednesday and was going to resign in person on Thursday by giving two weeks notice. However the thought of spending another day, let alone another two weeks during resignation, in this emotional state was simply too much. I ended up quitting over a phone call with my manager. I knew at the time it was a professional risk, but my mental state overpowered professional etiquette. The main point of leaving was to get myself mentally and physically healthy again.

I felt temporary relief not having to be there any longer. However, I am having MAJOR issues with the impact quitting suddenly, without two weeks notice, will have on my reputation. I live in a smaller town and work in a specialized field. I'm absolutely mortified about the impact this will have on my professional prospects in the future.

Ironically, I feel even worse now than when I was at the job. I was trying to help myself and now just made things so much worse. I want to bury my head in the sand and hide from the community. I haven't eaten much in the past four days and haven't been able to do anything but dwell on how I left things. I've contemplated even moving away but am not mentally or physically stable enough to do so.

I was considering writing an email to my old manager further explaining my situation but don't know if it's a good idea. I don't want people there to hate me for leaving them so suddenly. There might be a possibility paths could cross with my former colleagues.

I'm trying to be compassionate with myself and realize that I had to put my health before anything else. However, the professional fallout from this is almost impossible for me to accept. If anyone has any advice on this situation, I would be incredibly grateful.
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Old 03-19-2019, 01:54 PM #2
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Default Re: Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

Well, in many fields 90 days is considered a standard probationary period where they get a feel for you and you get a feel for them. It doesn't sound like a good fit. When seeking elsewhere use that type of wording. It wasn't a good fit which you disvovered within the 1st three months.
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:29 PM #3
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Default Re: Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

Yes, that is absolutely true and I've certainly accepted it wasn't a good fit. However, I'm REALLY stuck on my decision to resign immediately over the phone, without the standard two-weeks notice. I've known some of these people for (18 months) when I worked for a subordinate company of theirs. This is how I got the job. This makes me look EXTREMELY unprofessional.

I was in a really bad place mentally and physically when I made the decision to quit, and this was after taking two days off for my symptoms. I simply could not muster the ability to spend any more time in that toxic environment in the condition I was in. I'm sure I did extensive damage to my reputation and am deathly afraid of this coming back to haunt me in the future. It may seem overly dramatic, but I've been bed ridden over this situation for 5 days with even worse depression than what I was trying to escape from the job. I cannot believe I did this.
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Old 03-22-2019, 07:25 PM #4
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Default Re: Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

Quote:
Originally Posted by blvdknight34 View Post

I was considering writing an email to my old manager further explaining my situation but don't know if it's a good idea. I don't want people there to hate me for leaving them so suddenly. There might be a possibility paths could cross with my former colleagues.

I'm trying to be compassionate with myself and realize that I had to put my health before anything else. However, the professional fallout from this is almost impossible for me to accept. If anyone has any advice on this situation, I would be incredibly grateful.
I am in your shoes right now. I was in a long-term substitute teaching position at a school where I had a good reputation with the students, teaching staff, and two principals. That all ended with a confrontation between myself and a couple of the full-time teachers who underminded me in front of the students which was unprofessional and disrespectful to me. And when I complained to the school president about it, he fired me. It was a truly toxic environment for me there.

Like you, I regret the outcome but there was literally nothing I could do to prevent it. Nothing. So, I'm trying to be compassionate with myself and while I can't salvage that situation what I can tell you is what I"m telling myself: just tell future employers that the position wasn't a good fit, that you learned a lot about yourself from the experience, and review what skills you have that you can offer that new employer. That's what I intend to do, to salvage my teaching reputation.

If I dwell on it, as I used to do in the past, it will eat away at my self esteem and cripple me mentally. Don't let that happen to you.

You and I both had toxic work environments, knew it wasn't good for us, and we left our work situations because we care about our well-being. That doesn't mean we have to be ashamed, or beat ourselves up about it, or hold it over our heads like a dismal failure that we can't recover from. It was one horrible job experience.

I went to another school yesterday, told them about that horrible experience and the principal totally respected me and understood and said he wouldn't hold it against me, that he was happy to have me as a substitute at his school until the end of the school year, so that made me feel like, despite horrible endings, that doesn't mean you can't get something good as a result.

So, all I'm saying is, don't let this one horrible experience color the way you perceive yourself or your future job prospects in your small community. We can't control people who trash talk about us, so all we can do is hold our head up, reframe it for new people in a positive spin, and be great spin doctors of our lives, because everyone is.

Everyone spin doctors their work experiences to look positive. So, that's what I'm doing and that is what I'm urging you to do: spin doctor the hell out of your professional resume, forget using that place as a reference (you don't need them!) and forge ahead. You can do this.
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Old 03-22-2019, 07:28 PM #5
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Default Re: Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. When I'm depressed, not having a routine makes things much worse. Can you try to find some sort of commitment (volunteer or something)? Just something to get you out of the house every day will help I think.
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Old 03-22-2019, 07:29 PM #6
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Default Re: Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

Quote:
Originally Posted by blvdknight34 View Post
Yes, that is absolutely true and I've certainly accepted it wasn't a good fit. However, I'm REALLY stuck on my decision to resign immediately over the phone, without the standard two-weeks notice. I've known some of these people for (18 months) when I worked for a subordinate company of theirs. This is how I got the job. This makes me look EXTREMELY unprofessional.

I was in a really bad place mentally and physically when I made the decision to quit, and this was after taking two days off for my symptoms. I simply could not muster the ability to spend any more time in that toxic environment in the condition I was in. I'm sure I did extensive damage to my reputation and am deathly afraid of this coming back to haunt me in the future. It may seem overly dramatic, but I've been bed ridden over this situation for 5 days with even worse depression than what I was trying to escape from the job. I cannot believe I did this.
The way you can easily spin doctor why you left that company is: I left for health reasons that prevented me from focusing on completing my work.

That's literally ALL you have to tell people. They don't need to know you hated that company and that it was toxic to your well-being. Just tell them you left for health reasons and leave it at that. Done. Spin-doctored.
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Old 03-23-2019, 12:20 PM #7
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Default Re: Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

I wonder: do you even have to reveal that you left without two weeks notice? I assume you're not relying on this recent employer for a reference?

I agree with the 90-day probationary period reasoning. It wasn't a good fit for you, and you would rather put your skills to work in an organization that is far more suitable for your skills and professional working style. That's totally reasonable to say and explain to prospective employers.

I worry that by professing anything about your emotional state (about not giving two weeks notice) that it may make other employers uncomfortable to hire you.

If you're not relying on them for a reference, then it shouldn't really be a problem. Contact other references and let them know you're looking and ask if they can give you a positive reference. Then just rely on those references. And be confident! HUGS.

ps. I quit TWO jobs on the spot and landed on my feet both times.
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Old 04-07-2019, 03:27 AM #8
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Default Worsening Depression After Quitting Job

Quote:
Originally Posted by blvdknight34 View Post
I quit my job of only two months.... the thought of spending another day, let alone another two weeks during resignation, in this emotional state was simply too much. I ended up quitting over a phone call with my manager.....

I simply could not muster the ability to spend any more time in that toxic environment...was considering writing an email to my old manager further explaining my situation but don't know if it's a good idea.
At will employment: you can be let go at any time for no reason.

Employers will fire employees on the spot at work or over the phone.

Employees are just commodities.

Yes, reputation is important.

Your health took precedence at the time.

People at that job are thinking about themselves only, everyday, like we think about ourselves.

We don't have to give an employer a detailed explanation to preserve our reputation. We can't control what others think about us.

Giving notice by phone call is acceptable.

The email isn't going to protect you. It only protects the employer from two things:

1) a lawsuit from you alleging a termination or

2) you filing an unemployment claim which would normally require so many prior working quarters. And the employer would deny.

Employers don't care about former employees.

Some jobs can be misrepresented and not end up being what was discussed in the interview.
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