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Old 01-01-2019, 05:36 PM   #1
YongSun24
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Default Struggling with men hatred and going crazy...

Hello everyone!
To begin with, I'm female, 17 yo. I've been developing some kind of men hatred. I just think of every man as a stupid and uncaring cheater who only seeks sex, until proven otherwise. I've never dated anyone and never been interested in romantic relationships, especially with men.
I have never really cared about guys but I believe that the hatred started when I was 14. I used to really love a female celebrity back then. There were many rumors of her dating but I didn't want to know the truth. One day I found out that she really was dating a man. I checked out his Instagram profile and from the moment I saw his face, every method of torture I knew started popping into my head. Hate began filling every inch of my body. I still remember that face expression, those tattoos, that skinny body with no abs. All I wanted was to kill him. I was like : "that ugly bastard! how can he dare to f* with my woman?!". I assumed that he was cheating on her and was going to break her heart. I still haven't got over this hate for him even though I don't like that celeb anymore. Everything is so fresh in my mind.
*I am in high school these years, so dating is at its peak. Every girl I know wants a boyfriend! I really can't take it anymore. I know that is none of my business but I've become even more aware of how sex-obsessed boys can be and when some friend talks to a boy, I will tell her that their relationship isn't going to work, because boys are cheaters and she is better off single. I don't really have any logical reasoning behind this bad mindset. I've reached the point where I want to date just to make fun of some guy because he "deserves" it (dating makes no sense to me since we aren't going to procreate). Everytime I hear about some guy and his ~TRUE~ love for some girl I feel that I'm going insane. This is getting even more frustrating and it's affecting me somehow. I mean, it's really unpleasant getting angry when you hear about dating (I hear about it every single day unluckily).
Tho, this hate for men is turning into a women hatred since I consider women who date men as weak and incapable of living by themselves, always needing some "snake" by their side.
I could carry on talking but I'm not going to become a novelist, so yeah...
I'd appreciate some help regarding my problem. I don't care about men, but I DO care about my mental health.
Thank you!
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Old 01-02-2019, 06:30 PM   #2
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Hi YongSun.

For those who feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......Psych Central is the place. There are many good listeners here... we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for 4 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore.
https://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-with-emotions/
https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind & generous to yourself YongSun, and welcome to P.C
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Old 01-02-2019, 06:53 PM   #3
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1. You were deeply enthralled with a female celebrity; we'll call her Love Interest.
2. You found Love Interest's love interest, we'll call him Rival Suitor, woefully inadequate and without abs, and fantasized about torturing him.
3. You profess to hate men and advise friends to avoid them.

What have we here?
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Old 01-03-2019, 11:43 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YongSun24 View Post
Hello everyone!
To begin with, I'm female, 17 yo. I've been developing some kind of men hatred. I just think of every man as a stupid and uncaring cheater who only seeks sex, until proven otherwise. I've never dated anyone and never been interested in romantic relationships, especially with men.
I have never really cared about guys but I believe that the hatred started when I was 14. I used to really love a female celebrity back then. There were many rumors of her dating but I didn't want to know the truth. One day I found out that she really was dating a man. I checked out his Instagram profile and from the moment I saw his face, every method of torture I knew started popping into my head. Hate began filling every inch of my body. I still remember that face expression, those tattoos, that skinny body with no abs. All I wanted was to kill him. I was like : "that ugly bastard! how can he dare to f* with my woman?!". I assumed that he was cheating on her and was going to break her heart. I still haven't got over this hate for him even though I don't like that celeb anymore. Everything is so fresh in my mind.
It is very important that you realize how poisonous hate is to you and the people that you hate. its pure venom that will pound your thoughts until you find it unbearable enough to act on that hate. I do not hate a single person. I strongly dislike some people but have no thoughts of revenge or hate. I try and find the teeniest tiny bit of compassion no matter how far I dig for it, count my own blessings and save my own soul.


Quote:
*I am in high school these years, so dating is at its peak. Every girl I know wants a boyfriend! I really can't take it anymore. I know that is none of my business but I've become even more aware of how sex-obsessed boys can be and when some friend talks to a boy, I will tell her that their relationship isn't going to work, because boys are cheaters and she is better off single. I don't really have any logical reasoning behind this bad mindset. I've reached the point where I want to date just to make fun of some guy because he "deserves" it (dating makes no sense to me since we aren't going to procreate). Everytime I hear about some guy and his ~TRUE~ love for some girl I feel that I'm going insane. This is getting even more frustrating and it's affecting me somehow. I mean, it's really unpleasant getting angry when you hear about dating (I hear about it every single day unluckily).
Tho, this hate for men is turning into a women hatred since I consider women who date men as weak and incapable of living by themselves, always needing some "snake" by their side.
I could carry on talking but I'm not going to become a novelist, so yeah...
I'd appreciate some help regarding my problem. I don't care about men, but I DO care about my mental health.
Thank you!
I have some grave concerns for your mental health with the hate you have and perceived lack of empathy and compassion you seem to exude. I urge you to see someone about this ASAP before you act on something and regret it.
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Old 01-03-2019, 12:14 PM   #5
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Default Struggling with men hatred and going crazy...

It seems to me there is a strong cultural pressure these days to “hate” men. I don’t think it’s healthy. Singling out one group of people and targeting them is a dangerous trend in any society.

You’re smart to not want to date at your young age. It’s a good idea to focus on school and your own personal growth. I hope part of your personal growth includes acceptance of all people for who they are as individuals rather than hating certain groups who are being targeted by society as “bad.” Best of luck to you.
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Old 01-04-2019, 12:42 AM   #6
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Hello YongSun24. I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with intense and confusing thoughts and feelings. You mention a lot of anger. Over the course of my work with people, I have learned that extended periods of anger or sudden outbursts of rage are often expressions of fear. A lot of people in society feel uncomfortable or ashamed to express their fear so it gets suppressed and then grows and grows without help...and then can start to rise up as anger, rage, or hatred. Particularly given that you mentioned a fantasy about killing a man, I ask why are you frightened of men, YongSun? Do you know?

I think it's really important for you to investigate the underlying cause of this anger toward men. Your father was your schema for a man (first representation of a man). What is/was he like? What is/was your relationship with him like? How did your father treat your mother? How does your mother feel about men? Do you have any brothers or significant male role models in your life? Have you experienced any form of abuse from a man or found yourself in an uncomfortable situation with a man?

You mentioned torture fantasies and homicidal ideation (thoughts of killing others). These need to be addressed as soon as possible by a professional: psychologist or psychiatrist. You can ask your local doctor for a referral or speak with a school psychologist.

When a person experiences dangerous fantasies for a long time without professional intervention they are more at risk for acting on the fantasies. A psych provider can help you to learn why you are so angry or fearful about men and how to work through those feelings in healthy and legal ways.

It is important to remember that there is no peace to be found in resenting or hating others. That is not the path to happiness. So if your current path involves hatred, it is really important to figure out how to change paths in order to find your peace and ensure that you don't continue to carry this anger or do something like harming someone which of course is illegal and would result in prison time for you and a path in life that I am sure you do not want.

With regard to men, some are good and some are less than good. This is also true for women. Though being 'less than good' does not justify torture or murder. If someone is harming you, YongSun please tell a safe adult in your life such as a doctor or school psychologist right away. They will help you to find safe ways to deal with that situation.

Have you thought about your relationship with your SELF? Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? Is your inner self-talk mostly positive or negative? Do you feel angry with yourself?

Please take good care of yourself by getting professional help as soon as possible in order to choose light and love over darkness.

Last edited by HopefullyLost1211; 01-04-2019 at 02:49 AM..
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Old 01-04-2019, 12:47 AM   #7
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I also want to tell you that my significant other is male. He is a wonderful, loving, and safe person. The world is better with him here. I have also had plenty of male colleagues and friends over the years who were good guys. Please keep that in mind.
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Old 01-08-2019, 12:12 PM   #8
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Hello, YongSun24, and welcome to Psych Central! Please keep in mind that teenage boys are at their peak interest in sex. And some men are still obsessed.

But there are some great men out there. I have been married for almost 30 years to one of them.

"Hate" is such a strong word. Try to look for some young men who aren't like the stereotypical ones. I think you'll find them. Meanwhile, please don't think you need to date now, if you don't see a guy who appeals to you. Okay?
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Old 01-18-2019, 11:44 PM   #9
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"I don't really have any logical reasoning behind this bad mindset"



I'm sorry you are struggling. There may be some underlying reason somewhere in your sub-conscience...I think you may want to explore this with a therapist.

We sometimes don't know where our irrational feelings come from, until we look deeper into it.

Wish you the best.
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