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Old 12-24-2018, 08:53 PM   #21
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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Originally Posted by cryingontheinside View Post
This world is so judgemental. I'm sorry that you have met so many people like this . nobody seems to ask men that question when they are still single and no kids . everyone is different. Wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same . i hope you meet someone who doesn't act like that . try not to let them get to you.
Whenever I hear what's wrong with you I want to go off on them
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Old 12-24-2018, 08:54 PM   #22
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
Really? I am in my late 40s never married, no kids, and if someone said that to me I would punch them. I mean not on purpose I feel it would just happen.



There is nothing wrong with you next time say there is nothing wrong with me what is wrong with me of this generation that they can't tempt me.
Tempted a few times to punch people in the mouth
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Old 12-24-2018, 08:57 PM   #23
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Those men are really immature, who say that to you. I'm in my late 40s too, without children and I've never been married.



Society has changed, and some men just refuse to accept these changes that concern women being happy and successful in their lives without being married with children.



Actually, there are studies and research that show single women are happier than married women.
I'd like to be in a relationship.but I'm picky after I was in a really bad relationship when I was in my mid to late 20's
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Old 12-24-2018, 08:58 PM   #24
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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I get asked that all the time too. My answer for the last two decades has been “haven’t met a man deserving of myself yet”.
Tempted to say something like that but don't want to come off as rude
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Old 12-24-2018, 09:04 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
THANK YOU for this important thread UCLAFan!!! I have been divorced for many years (my decision) and will never marry again simply because I don't want to. It is of zero interest to me. I do have a significant other and my desire to not marry again seems to perplex almost everyone around me.



I have decided not to have children because I live with chronic depression and I don't want to risk post-partum depression or post-partum psychosis. Anyway, my point is that men and women marry/don't marry and procreate/don't procreate for all sorts of different reasons.



I am so sorry that you have had this reaction but I admit that I am not shocked by it at all. I've even had friends tell me: "Oh don't be silly! OF COURSE you'll get married again!" Or "You can't NOT have a baby...that's crazy...you would be a wonderful mother!" Even though I never asked if they thought I'd be a good parent



Perhaps we need to start an international club for women who are not married and without children in order to show the world that we are REAL. We are HUMAN. We are in fact WOMEN. And we like it that way And for those women who don't like it that way and wish for something different in the future...you're also welcome in our club



I have no problem with married folks and folks who love having babies. Men or women. We are all in this life together. I just think it's reasonable to identify the double standard. Men are considered persons in their own right therefore if they are single, divorced, married, fathers, childless...they are still certified people. Whereas society often takes a bizarrely reductive view of girls and women...if we aren't some fella's wife or future-wife and planning to have a few babies...then what are we? Confused? Mixed up? Not nice enough for a guy to stick around?



For me, the really trippy part is that these biases are not only coming from men. I get tired of hearing: "I didn't become a real woman until I had my baby" or "I didn't really grow up until I became a mother" or "It is selfish to choose not to have children." I think there are abused and neglected children who might argue that some selfish parents do in fact exist. And yes, some non-parents are selfish...but that doesn't mean we all are.



There's a good Ted Talk given by a strong and intelligent lifelong single woman (I think she's around 60) on the value of the single life. She also wrote an article on the disrespect and even aggression that some married folks display toward singletons. Very interesting. She basically points out that if someone is unmarried and happy that way...some married folks find her threatening because it challenges their world view that the only path to happiness is marriage + children. I think she may be onto something there.



I always say there is more that unites us than divides us!
I hate being asked what's wrong with you & why don't you have kids.i have had people say oh you must be picky & that's why you are alone.i admit I'm picky but for good reason.dated and lived with a loser when i was in my mid to late 20's & after i left him he staked me.i wasn't picky with him & now i know red flag when i see them
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Old 12-24-2018, 09:06 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
I'm married so I don't get asked that, but I've seen unmarried friends get the same crap. "Oh, you're not married? Do you at least have a boyfriend? You're too pretty to be single."



So much wrong with that.



None of their blankety-blank business, for one thing. The other implications, such as only unattractive women should be single, I'm not even going to touch.



Sometimes the only thing you can say is, "Ugh."
I am single because I became picky after being abused by several men In my life.that has caused me to have trust issues with men.have a crush on a old male friend but he thinks of me as a sister
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Old 12-24-2018, 10:01 PM   #27
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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Originally Posted by UCLAFan View Post
I hate being asked what's wrong with you & why don't you have kids.i have had people say oh you must be picky & that's why you are alone.i admit I'm picky but for good reason.dated and lived with a loser when i was in my mid to late 20's & after i left him he staked me.i wasn't picky with him & now i know red flag when i see them
How about: "I'm not picky, I just have high standards."

Or

"Did I miss something? Is marriage mandatory now? I must have missed that emergency alert...I guess it's time for a new phone...is there one that you'd recommend?"

Fair play to you UCLAFan for carving out your own path and standing your ground (not easy to do in patriarchal society). My ex-husband was abusive; being married to him felt like being in prison. That is one of several reasons why I don't want to marry again. However, I can see that marriage works for some folks, it just seems hard for them to afford me the same empathy.

The older I get, the less I care to be honest. Though of course I am not negating your frustration...been there friend!!!
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Old 01-12-2019, 05:41 PM   #28
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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Originally Posted by UCLAFan View Post
I'm In my late 40's never been married & no kids.when I tell men that they rudely say to me what's the matter with you & give me weird looks like they are judging me
My answer to that would be "Well, I keep meeting rude men like you so I haven't felt compelled to marry."
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Old 01-13-2019, 04:34 AM   #29
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

I love it how people think its ok to question someone (many times women)about why they are not in a relationship or why they do not have kids. As if its their business. Would you ask someone with kids in a relationship.." so why did you have kids and marry? Did you really want to bring people into this world and ruin your freedom?" Its the same thing. I have kids and I never would question another woman's choice to not have kids or marry. What if she is infertile or cant have children? Its not my business.
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Old 01-19-2019, 05:52 AM   #30
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Default Re: Being told this by men a lot

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Originally Posted by UCLAFan View Post
I hate being asked what's wrong with you & why don't you have kids.i have had people say oh you must be picky & that's why you are alone.i admit I'm picky but for good reason.dated and lived with a loser when i was in my mid to late 20's & after i left him he staked me.i wasn't picky with him & now i know red flag when i see them


I have sexuality issues but I usually find people understand when I tell them I have mh problems. Otherwise I just say I like being single, which I do, because I can do what I want when I want, and the whole motherhood thing, well I know I wouldn't make a good mother. But really it's none of their business and as someone else said it's an insult disguised as a question. Also it's very true that married people are probably just jealous which is why they can't handle it and try and make you feel strange. Relationships are overrated and it's a societal thing, others a lot of the time are just conforming, and would likely love to be in your position. And yes some are just sexist bigots.. you keep following your own path and do what is best for you, not for others to feel more comfortable about themselves.
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