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Old 12-03-2018, 01:27 PM   #1
letlovego
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Trig Women unloved by dads

Not sure if this is the right place, but I wanted to start a discussion for women who feel unloved by their dads. This is something I struggle with immensely despite having done therapy, and right now I feel it'd help to simply have a place where I can go when I need to, to share my thoughts and feelings with people who 'get it'. I hope this'll help others as well.

What I'm struggling with most at the moment is this feeling that I've missed out on something essential because my dad didn't love me. Like there's a part of me that never got to develop because of this, and I have these horrible thoughts of what if it's too late to 'fix' this. That 'all is lost' simply because I didn't have a father who would have loved me. Then part of me gets really angry at the thought of my whole life being dictated and ruined by something I had no control over...

I think that thing that's 'missing' is self-esteem... I feel that all I have is the experience my dad 'gave' me of being worthless. Sometimes I find myself thinking it would have been better if he'd hated me, that at least that would've been some kind of reaction - but to think I made no difference whatsoever feels almost intolerable... With him, I feel I've got to experience first-hand what I've read about the opposite of love being not hate, but indifference

Well, just getting this out helps... I'm starting to see that that is what he thinks of me, not what I think about myself. That his views aren't the truth about me, and that I can decide for myself who I am and what I want to be. I don't need to be dragged down forever simply because he didn't love me. I'm saying it now, he was an IDIOT, and it's his loss
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Old 12-03-2018, 01:41 PM   #2
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I donít know what to say to be supportive right now. Just speaking up as another woman who has not been loved by fathers. It is damaging.

We tend to get into complicated relationships with unloving people in the aftermath.
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Old 12-03-2018, 04:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: Women unloved by dads

Thank you so much for the hugs and for replying, TishaBuv It helps knowing I'm not alone. I'm sorry you've had to deal with unloving fathers as well

I know several women who had unloving fathers and went on to have abusive relationships later on... I've gone to the other extreme in that I've hardly had any relationships at all. I just haven't felt good enough But I'm going to change that kind of thinking...!
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Old 12-03-2018, 06:47 PM   #4
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No you are not alone. I am 56 now and my dad passed away in 2000. My Dad was never given the tools to be able to express himself or communicate on an emotional level. Apart from anger. He did the best he could by providing a roof over our heads and putting food on the table. As a kid you dont understand that. I suppose that was the only way he knew. Otherwise he was emotionally absent. When I went to his funeral it was like being at the funeral of a stranger. Maybe it was the era that he was brought up in. Mum was emotionally absent too. The couldn't give what they never had themselves.

Deciding for ourselves now how we need to learn to nurture and affirm ourselves is a journey is our job now. Hope that you have some good people around to to bring the light and life back.
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Old 12-03-2018, 08:06 PM   #5
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Default Re: Women unloved by dads

Part of me feels like how dare I have the nerve to say I was unloved. I wasnít even enough on their radar to be close to being considered about being loved- how presumptuous of me.

I remember an incident, maybe I was around seven. I was crying in my bed, and finally my mother came in. Maybe I had tried to sit in my fatherís lap and he shoved me off. The memory is sketchy. I said, ďDaddy doesnít love me.Ē She went out there and after overhearing yelling, he finally came into my room. Iím not sure if he stood or sat on my bed. He said, ďI love you.Ē No hug. He said it like he knew he had to because my mother screamed at him, not like he meant it. Awful memory.

It was never said to me any other time either. I donít think my mom ever told me she loved me either, until more recent years. I think she may have said it after we had it out over her being a pretty bad mother.
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Last edited by TishaBuv; 12-03-2018 at 08:18 PM..
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Old 12-03-2018, 08:32 PM   #6
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I can relate. I was drawn to unhealthy relationships... battled the self esteem issues... Itís been hard... but itís never too late to learn better self-care and develop healthy relationships. Women unloved by dads
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