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Old 01-12-2019, 04:41 AM   #31
susannahsays
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Default Re: Adderall and treatment resistant Depression

I would be cautious about adderall. I have been taking it for 13 years. I am completely addicted. I am utterly useless if I don't take it - I can't stay awake. My body no longer produces its natural stimulants to wake me up and keep me awake. The last time I had to go without adderall for more than a couple days was prior to a sleep study. They wanted me to stop taking it 2 weeks prior, but that was impossible, as I knew I would be nonfunctional and would have to take off work for the duration. We compromised on one week. I broke after 4 days because the withdrawal was so severe that I wanted to kill myself. I took part of my usual dosage, then continued to abstain for the rest of the time period.

Does adderall help with depression? Yes. But that doesn't mean it's a good treatment. For some people, eating a whole chocolate cake helps their depression. But you wouldn't say that's a good thing. The problem I had with adderall was how much better it made me feel. It made life so much more bearable. Getting up in the morning didn't feel like a burden. Completing tasks felt enjoyable and satisfying. If I'm honest, I don't think it was quite a natural feeling. And that's the difference between the results from other depression treatments and adderall. Your mood on adderall does not reflect restored balance. You do not act how you would if you weren't depressed. You act uniquely as you would when taking adderall. And it's very hard to resist taking it every day.

These days, I don't feel any of the benefits of taking adderall. I am as depressed as ever. The only difference is I now have this monkey on my back that demands its dose of adderall everyday or my world comes crashing down.

I wish I had never started taking adderall.

On my experience with Remeron - it really helped. The first couple of days, it was really sedating, but my body adjusted. Very good sleep. Unfortunately, it caused my appetite to balloon out of control, and I gained a lot of weight to the point that it was intolerable.
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Old 01-12-2019, 05:02 AM   #32
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Default Re: Adderall and treatment resistant Depression

This thread is very helpful. Thank you everyone! Sending many hugs to everyone
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Old 01-12-2019, 06:54 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I would be cautious about adderall. I have been taking it for 13 years. I am completely addicted. I am utterly useless if I don't take it - I can't stay awake. My body no longer produces its natural stimulants to wake me up and keep me awake. The last time I had to go without adderall for more than a couple days was prior to a sleep study. They wanted me to stop taking it 2 weeks prior, but that was impossible, as I knew I would be nonfunctional and would have to take off work for the duration. We compromised on one week. I broke after 4 days because the withdrawal was so severe that I wanted to kill myself. I took part of my usual dosage, then continued to abstain for the rest of the time period.
i think its important to mention the difference between addiction and dependence. Addiction involves obsession about the substance, the need to take more and more of it even against guidelines, scheming to get it and having it make your life unmanageable. I believe dependence means you need the substance to raise your abnormal or..or non-Neurotypical behavior into the "normal" range enabling you to live your life with your best possible self leading the way. I am equally dependent on my bipolar meds as I am on my adderall. I have been on adderall for 13 years- never abused it and no problem stopping it when Ive had to ( pregancy, surgeries, forgetting to get a new script in time).


Quote:
Does adderall help with depression? Yes. But that doesn't mean it's a good treatment. For some people, eating a whole chocolate cake helps their depression. But you wouldn't say that's a good thing. The problem I had with adderall was how much better it made me feel. It made life so much more bearable. Getting up in the morning didn't feel like a burden. Completing tasks felt enjoyable and satisfying. If I'm honest, I don't think it was quite a natural feeling. And that's the difference between the results from other depression treatments and adderall. Your mood on adderall does not reflect restored balance. You do not act how you would if you weren't depressed. You act uniquely as you would when taking adderall. And it's very hard to resist taking it every day.
This may be your experience but would you say the same thing about antidepressants or other mental health meds? If you have adhd and another disorder(I do) or its treatment resistant depression, what is wrong with not feeling dread getting up in the morning. I very much think that adderall restores balance. You have some sort of deficit to be on it and it is meant to correct that and level the playing field. If you abuse it for euphoria or as a performance enhancer that is very different than being dependent on it to keep you at a reasonable baseline.

Quote:
These days, I don't feel any of the benefits of taking adderall. I am as depressed as ever. The only difference is I now have this monkey on my back that demands its dose of adderall everyday or my world comes crashing down.
Then FOR YOU, you need to stop taking it, and maybe it does mean you are addicted and you need to stop it. But that is not how it works for everyone.
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Old 01-13-2019, 02:38 PM   #34
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Default Re: Adderall and treatment resistant Depression

I have been taking Adderall for treatment resistant depression for about 8 years and it does help my depression. I also take Cymbalta and bupropion. My previous psychiatrist gave it to me when I started working 12 hour shifts so I could keep working. Now my new psychiatrist wants to wean me off of it since I don't have ADHD and my blood pressure is up. I have weaned down the dose but my depression is also not controlled as well. It is a pain to have to take a paper copy RX to the pharmacy each month, but I do believe it really helps my depression.
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Old 01-19-2019, 04:43 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
i think its important to mention the difference between addiction and dependence. Addiction involves obsession about the substance, the need to take more and more of it even against guidelines, scheming to get it and having it make your life unmanageable. I believe dependence means you need the substance to raise your abnormal or..or non-Neurotypical behavior into the "normal" range enabling you to live your life with your best possible self leading the way. I am equally dependent on my bipolar meds as I am on my adderall. I have been on adderall for 13 years- never abused it and no problem stopping it when Ive had to ( pregancy, surgeries, forgetting to get a new script in time).



This may be your experience but would you say the same thing about antidepressants or other mental health meds? If you have adhd and another disorder(I do) or its treatment resistant depression, what is wrong with not feeling dread getting up in the morning. I very much think that adderall restores balance. You have some sort of deficit to be on it and it is meant to correct that and level the playing field. If you abuse it for euphoria or as a performance enhancer that is very different than being dependent on it to keep you at a reasonable baseline.


Then FOR YOU, you need to stop taking it, and maybe it does mean you are addicted and you need to stop it. But that is not how it works for everyone.
I never said that's how it works for everyone. I think you are triggered by what I said because of your own addiction issues (with alcohol), so you don't like that I characterize my experience as addiction. However, you can follow all the rules and still become addicted. I know my reality. And I really don't need you to tell me how my addiction has affected me. Just because I'm not out prostituting myself to buy adderall off the street doesn't mean my life isn't severely disrupted and dictated by my adderall needs. And my psychiatrist is aware of this issue, so I'll let her be the judge of what meds I take, not you. I'm not sure why you take exception to me sharing my experience with the stuff. For many, many people stopping adderall is very difficult. I have been taking it constantly for 13 years. You have, by your own admission, had at least one 9 month plus break for pregnancy.

I still got some benefit from adderall until maybe 1-2 years ago. I was also prescribed a much higher dose than many people - 60 MG. I successfully reduced that to 40 MG a year ago, but it was painful.

And no, I do not think adderall is comparable to an antidepressant. An antidepressant doesn't immediately make you feel better. It's much harder to stop using a substance when you know you can get immediate effects from it. There's a reason adderall and certain other drugs are considered addictive. In any case, I would actually say I am dependent on my antidepressants and other meds, and my body is physically addicted. But this thread is about adderall.

People should be aware of the possible drawbacks, that's all. I still wish I'd never started on it.

Edit: The FOR YOU was rather hostile and unnecessary. I shouldn't have to post a disclaimer when sharing my experiences informing readers that my experiences are my own. That should be obvious.
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Old 01-19-2019, 05:10 PM   #36
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Hey listen, I am very sorry that I upset you or made you angry and I did not mean to invalidate your experience all so please accept my apologies. Maybe I was triggered and did not know it, its very possible. And I should do a better job of remembering that the whole world doesnt revolve around me and my experiences. I truly apologize.

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I never said that's how it works for everyone. I think you are triggered by what I said because of your own addiction issues (with alcohol), so you don't like that I characterize my experience as addiction. However, you can follow all the rules and still become addicted. I know my reality. And I really don't need you to tell me how my addiction has affected me. Just because I'm not out prostituting myself to buy adderall off the street doesn't mean my life isn't severely disrupted and dictated by my adderall needs. And my psychiatrist is aware of this issue, so I'll let her be the judge of what meds I take, not you. I'm not sure why you take exception to me sharing my experience with the stuff. For many, many people stopping adderall is very difficult. I have been taking it constantly for 13 years. You have, by your own admission, had at least one 9 month plus break for pregnancy.

I still got some benefit from adderall until maybe 1-2 years ago. I was also prescribed a much higher dose than many people - 60 MG. I successfully reduced that to 40 MG a year ago, but it was painful.

And no, I do not think adderall is comparable to an antidepressant. An antidepressant doesn't immediately make you feel better. It's much harder to stop using a substance when you know you can get immediate effects from it. There's a reason adderall and certain other drugs are considered addictive. In any case, I would actually say I am dependent on my antidepressants and other meds, and my body is physically addicted. But this thread is about adderall.

People should be aware of the possible drawbacks, that's all. I still wish I'd never started on it.

Edit: The FOR YOU was rather hostile and unnecessary. I shouldn't have to post a disclaimer when sharing my experiences informing readers that my experiences are my own. That should be obvious.
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Old 01-22-2019, 04:21 PM   #37
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I think all posters above have been well-intentioned, and I'm heartened to see posters trying to offer more understanding to each other, after a slight dust-up.

I see validity in both of the two contrasting perspectives above. My own situation is that I started on Ritalin a few months ago, and I seem to be doing better on it. I just take 20 mg daily, just tab 1 in the morning with breakfast. It's helping me wake up and resist going back to bed. But I know there are good reasons why some drugs are scheduled in the highly controlled category. It is very easy to get carried away with them. And they may not simply make you feel "normal." People's experience varies, but even a prescribed, therapeutic dose can become a monkey-on-your-back.

I haven't fallen in love with Ritalin, so I'm lucky. I get an intended benefit, and my world wouldn't fall apart, if the pdoc stopped letting me have it. But I do have that kind of attachment to a different controlled drug: hydrocodone. I take 10 mg two or three times a day. Half of the pills are mine, and half I get from my boyfriend who is prescribed more than he needs and uses (even after I twice told the VA that he didn't need so many!) I have stayed at that level of use for a few years. I feel I'm habituated to the point where I would call my use somewhat of an addiction, but I'm not looking to escalate to recapture the euphoric effect I used to enjoy when the drug was new to me. There really is not a sharp line between dependence and addiction. I know some abuse experts tend to see addiction as more than just physiologic dependence. But those categories can overlap and their distinctions can blur.

If hydrocodone was removed from my life tomorrow, I would be in a panic. Mainly that's because I have a low tolerance for pain. I was depressed long before I had chronic pains and aches, but - for me - feeling "sore" is immobilizing. Without pain pills, I probably would never get off the recliner. My cue to take a pain pill is when I feel too sore to comfortably do stuff - like cook, or wash the dishes. When all it usually takes is hydrocodone 10 mg every 12 hours to almost totally alleviate that, then I must not be dealing with that big of a pain problem. But getting it relieved changes my life. I can totally see how people fall in love with opiates. I'm in love with these pills, but my use stays pretty modest because I'm a realist about the consequences of going nuts with this stuff. (Then one could point out that I am using as much of it as I can conveniently get a hold of.) So I am kind of addicted. When they talk on TV about curbing doctors prescribing it, I am horrified. But I'm glad I have the stuff. I believe life would suck, if I didn't have it.

I don't believe mood altering drugs, like antidepressants and bipolar meds, simply make you "normal." (I take amitriptyline. In the past, I tried several "mood stabilizers.) I think all this stuff involves somewhat of a "deal with the devil."
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Old 02-01-2019, 10:00 PM   #38
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Default Re: Adderall and treatment resistant Depression

I have had TRD, TR OCD and other clinical chronic issues for decades. Adderall is the only adjunct that actually dents my omnipresent anhedonia. I don't give a flying **** if I'm "addicted" or heading for a nasty fall. I would be dead several times over already without it so therefore I take it. I literally couldn't care less what words of warning anyone has.

As to the OP's point, yes, 90% of my PDocs have tried to get me off it so that they can retry all the same ineffective meds I've already failed on. They all have their own favourites or angle as to what will fix me. Zero have succeeded. Nor ECT, dTMS or Ketamine.

So, after 23 years of crushing suffering it's still only Adderall that makes any kind of impact on my TRD. Nardil + Adderall was divine (I wanted to do things) but my PDoc got cold feet and stopped prescribing the combo. To this day it fills me with bitter anger that there's a solution out there to my eternal suffering that I simply am not allowed to have.

My 2d that if your only other option is Suicide, take the ****ing Adderall for ****'s sake.
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