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Old 11-17-2017, 07:32 PM   #1
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Default Having The Courage To Tell

Hi Guy`s ,

Well it will be front page news tomorrow

How do you find the courage to tell someone who may or may not be close that you are transgender ?

I don`t mean people on the web or friends you have here , rather people you come in contact with on a regular basis , like your butcher , a store clerk you have become friendly with , people like that.

So me having ask this question , you must either be asking or know , yes I am transgender , M t F.

I have not done anything medically , as my financial situation at present does not allow it , however after many years as a caregiver for my late parents , I have been hoping to re-invent myself.

So no HRT , would like to , but only through a doctor , and I have met a trans doctor near me , who would be willing to work with me.

So once I find away to bring income in , instead of taking money out of my nest egg , then I plan to look for a better and safer place to live and once that happens , start living the truth.

I am old school , set in my ways , in many ways. However I always like to think that new adventures are on the horizon.

OK , so there it is , some of you might remember I was fairly messed up in the middle of last Sept. , really tearing myself apart as to wether I should tell my T or not. A level of trust was forming and I thought , now or never and I was tired of living a lie. However those who were so kind and helped that week before I told my T , I will always have you in my heart for standing with me , although at the time you had no idea why.

Once I told my T on Sept 27th , it felt like I could climb any mountain or forge any stream ( I told you I am old , but inside just a kid !! ).
I was never able to even tell myself I was trans , I could never believe that , but I always knew I was not me.
After much thought of knowing I always knew , it was time , now that I had someone I could tell.

But since then , like I said some folks I correspond with know , but real life , only my T knows.

I don`t feel I have to tell anyone , certainly my doctor of 19 years should know , but I face the same fear , me may kick me out of his office !!

OK , sorry for the long post , but those who know me know I could write a few more words , if I needed to !!

Thanks again guy`s , O__ BTW , I consider myself straight trans , I love women so much I want to be them. So unless there is another term , thats it , as I could never see myself with a guy.
Mind you I have nothing against anyone in the LGBT community and I have always supported them , ( us ).

See I told you I could write a couple of extra words , so before I write too much , ...

Later

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Old 11-18-2017, 03:13 PM   #2
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Default Re: Having The Courage To Tell

Well, once you do begin to transition, especially through your immediate appearance such as hair, clothing, or makeup, inferring that you are transgender should be a rather simple. This is especially conspicuous for trans-women overall, for two primary reasons:

1. Biological females already wear masculine clothing at times, whereas the antithesis of this scenario is more infrequent and generally considered less socially acceptable. So, before one undergoes hormone treatment for an extensive time, their presentation is the greatest clue into this phenomenon.

2. Estrogen usually takes substantially longer to alter one's appearance and voice than does testosterone. So, for future reference, at first your biological sex will be an easier deduction to make than would the case be for a trans-man.

Of these two cases, the former revolves largely around one's inference before the transition is complete, and the latter revolves around during and thereafter the transition. The best advice for you during this particular period of time would be in the former piece.
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Old 11-18-2017, 05:27 PM   #3
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Default Re: Having The Courage To Tell

Hi Krow ,

Thanks for the info , like I mentioned , I have not started anything. People here know and a few others online know and that is it.
As mentioned in my OP , how to tell friends and associates you are transgender to begin with , and that a period of transition may take place ?

After HRT , then of course / hair removal / voice coaching / living female , then living female full time for 12 ~ 18 months before SRS.

Plus all the paper work and court date for name change , that I know about.

First I must find a way to bring money in , once I am able to do that on a regular basis , then move , I could not and would not transition where I live , I am surrounded my idiots. Most would not even know what being trans is all about , and there ignorance would take over and fear would set in making my neighborhood and very dangerous place.

I have a long road , but it all starts with just telling people you know that you are not correct , and that you have never felt like a guy. That in and of itself , at least to me seems like a huge step.

Anyway , thanks again for your reply , I appreciate it .

Take care ,

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Old 11-18-2017, 06:49 PM   #4
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Good luck with everything!

I suppose it depends if you're the kind of person who likes to talk to your acquaintances about things. You seem quite eloquent and confident. And humorous. If so, do that

If not, don't force yourself. Wait until you look different and style it out.
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Old 11-18-2017, 07:45 PM   #5
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Hello Keyplayer: Well... I don't know how old you are. I'm pushing 70! I guess I've been trans (MtF) my whole life, although I really didn't understand what it was all about until just a few years ago. (I'm still not sure if I really qualify.) Up to that point I just thought... well... actually I guess I really didn't put much thought into it. I just assumed I was the only person in the world who was afflicted with some kind of disgusting compulsion. And I just went on living a relatively normal male life on the outside while doing all of the things closeted transgender individuals do in secret. I never transitioned & I never will although even at my advanced age, it still haunts me. (If you're truly trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away... as I have heard it phrased.)

The only people who know anything about my situation are my psychiatrist & a former therapist I saw for a few months several years ago. Oh & then there's my wife. How she found out was I left her a note with a link to a YouTube video & then proceeded to try to kill myself for the second time. I woke up in the hospital a day or two later. We don't talk about it though. We have sort-of a "don't ask / don't tell" policy I guess you might say...

Anyway.... I don't really know how you find the courage to tell someone you may or may not be close to you're transgender. Obviously, I don't have much experience with it. I presume it's a matter of practice makes perfect. Start with a person you feel the most comfortable with whom you think is likely to be supportive & tell that individual. Then begin moving "up the ladder", so to speak. The more you do it, the more self-confidence you'll build. Over the past few years I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube on the topic of gender transition. And it seems people generally find that it goes much better than they would ever have imagined.
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Old 11-18-2017, 10:00 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello Keyplayer: Well... I don't know how old you are. I'm pushing 70! I guess I've been trans (MtF) my whole life, although I really didn't understand what it was all about until just a few years ago. (I'm still not sure if I really qualify.) Up to that point I just thought... well... actually I guess I really didn't put much thought into it. I just assumed I was the only person in the world who was afflicted with some kind of disgusting compulsion. And I just went on living a relatively normal male life on the outside while doing all of the things closeted transgender individuals do in secret. I never transitioned & I never will although even at my advanced age, it still haunts me. (If you're truly trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away... as I have heard it phrased.)

The only people who know anything about my situation are my psychiatrist & a former therapist I saw for a few months several years ago. Oh & then there's my wife. How she found out was I left her a note with a link to a YouTube video & then proceeded to try to kill myself for the second time. I woke up in the hospital a day or two later. We don't talk about it though. We have sort-of a "don't ask / don't tell" policy I guess you might say...

Anyway.... I don't really know how you find the courage to tell someone you may or may not be close to you're transgender. Obviously, I don't have much experience with it. I presume it's a matter of practice makes perfect. Start with a person you feel the most comfortable with whom you think is likely to be supportive & tell that individual. Then begin moving "up the ladder", so to speak. The more you do it, the more self-confidence you'll build. Over the past few years I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube on the topic of gender transition. And it seems people generally find that it goes much better than they would ever have imagined.

It is rather fortunate and unfortunate during this time period. The topic of discussion has become widely accepted by some, condemned by others, and it has evolved into a political war between numerous ideologies. The support exists, so a transition is most certainly an opportunity for many, but it is also dependent upon the individual's age, immediate financial circumstances, and a number of other unnamed variables. Gender dysphoria is already enough of a curse on its own, but when accounting for the stigma and political attention that it receives, it is no wonder that so many transgender individuals end up attempting or considering suicide at some point in their lives.

I probably could have received better circumstances myself, seeing that my parents are somewhat of religious extremists, and they are both likewise very conservative. But at the same time, it could have very well been worse. At the point in my life in which I am able to make that revelation myself, I cannot be certain as to how my parents shall react. For that reason, I have decided that my best course of action shall be to prolong this dilemma until I preferably graduate and have my own method of financial support. However, the stress itself is crippling, and it merely elongates the period of time in which I am forced to attend my university in the first place. It is basically a circular gridlock.
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Old 11-19-2017, 08:38 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello Keyplayer: Well... I don't know how old you are. I'm pushing 70! I guess I've been trans (MtF) my whole life, although I really didn't understand what it was all about until just a few years ago. (I'm still not sure if I really qualify.) Up to that point I just thought... well... actually I guess I really didn't put much thought into it. I just assumed I was the only person in the world who was afflicted with some kind of disgusting compulsion. And I just went on living a relatively normal male life on the outside while doing all of the things closeted transgender individuals do in secret. I never transitioned & I never will although even at my advanced age, it still haunts me. (If you're truly trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away... as I have heard it phrased.)

The only people who know anything about my situation are my psychiatrist & a former therapist I saw for a few months several years ago. Oh & then there's my wife. How she found out was I left her a note with a link to a YouTube video & then proceeded to try to kill myself for the second time. I woke up in the hospital a day or two later. We don't talk about it though. We have sort-of a "don't ask / don't tell" policy I guess you might say...

Anyway.... I don't really know how you find the courage to tell someone you may or may not be close to you're transgender. Obviously, I don't have much experience with it. I presume it's a matter of practice makes perfect. Start with a person you feel the most comfortable with whom you think is likely to be supportive & tell that individual. Then begin moving "up the ladder", so to speak. The more you do it, the more self-confidence you'll build. Over the past few years I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube on the topic of gender transition. And it seems people generally find that it goes much better than they would ever have imagined.
Skeez, your emoticons are genius. What an emotional story. And a heartbreaking illustration of what can happen if people are not allowed to be themselves.

I'm glad you came through it and are here to tell the tale.
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Old 11-19-2017, 08:47 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Krow View Post
It is rather fortunate and unfortunate during this time period. The topic of discussion has become widely accepted by some, condemned by others, and it has evolved into a political war between numerous ideologies. The support exists, so a transition is most certainly an opportunity for many, but it is also dependent upon the individual's age, immediate financial circumstances, and a number of other unnamed variables. Gender dysphoria is already enough of a curse on its own, but when accounting for the stigma and political attention that it receives, it is no wonder that so many transgender individuals end up attempting or considering suicide at some point in their lives.

I probably could have received better circumstances myself, seeing that my parents are somewhat of religious extremists, and they are both likewise very conservative. But at the same time, it could have very well been worse. At the point in my life in which I am able to make that revelation myself, I cannot be certain as to how my parents shall react. For that reason, I have decided that my best course of action shall be to prolong this dilemma until I preferably graduate and have my own method of financial support. However, the stress itself is crippling, and it merely elongates the period of time in which I am forced to attend my university in the first place. It is basically a circular gridlock.
Yes, I've heard the new alt-right making a few unpleasant grunts on the topic.

The alt-right's modus operandi is to say whatever will get the biggest reaction.

Take no notice.

They hate that!

Not everyone gets their politics from YouTube, or 'professors' mocked by their peers.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:31 PM   #9
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Default Re: Having The Courage To Tell

I encourage everyone to be who they want to be. I've always believed sexuality is a private matter, and that no one "has to" disclose their sexuality to any one. If you want to tell others about your sexuality, but are not ready to, then you don't have to.

I've met many lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and trans individuals who never have and will never disclose their sexuality at work, or to their own parents.

If you want to have the courage to tell someone you are trans, it will take time. Plus, once your transition begins, many will question you. Believe it or not, many of these people will see your transition even before you have a chance to tell them. The best way to get courage is to love yourself as much as you can, and to get to know the person on a deeper level than just small talk.

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Old 11-25-2017, 01:50 AM   #10
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Default Re: Having The Courage To Tell

Hi All Is Revealed ,

Thank you for your reply. I agree , there is no one I need to tell , until I am able to re-boot my life , I could not be my true self where I live anyway.

Sometimes you develop friendships , and it is this people whom I was referring to , however afterthoughts were similar to your remarks , why tell at all .

Should my life take better turn , and personal action is afforded to me , then during my transition at some point would necessitate my disclosure , but until that happens , I guess I will live day to day .

I hope you and yours have a great Holiday Season , take care ,

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