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Old 09-10-2018, 08:15 AM   #1
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Trig dreaming of top surgery

i don't mean literally dreaming, but at the moment i can't stop imagining what it would be like to have had surgery already. i'm saving money but still have a considerable amount to save before i can afford it. i'm in recovery from an ed so don't know that i'll be fully comfortable in my body even then, but i just keep imagining what it would be like not to have this constant anxiety building up and making me round my shoulders to disguise my body. i do have a binder but it doesn't work that well, and where i live there aren't many options for buying binders. i don't have a credit card that i could use to buy one online. it's like the closer i get to being able to afford surgery, the more urgent it feels.

i don't know if it's internalized transphobia but sometimes i imagine that if someone saw me with my clothes off now, it would be like looking at a monster.

Last edited by nikon; 09-10-2018 at 08:16 AM.. Reason: trigger warning
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Old 09-14-2018, 08:48 PM   #2
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Default Re: dreaming of top surgery

Hey there, I can really relate to this post. I had my top surgery consultation and I'm still looking into other surgeons. I want to get top surgery so badly but I spoke to a friend and told him, "What are the odds of finding someone who will love me and my body?" and I often wonder if people will think my body is "weird". But I've realized that, as long as we're happy, that's the most important thing.

I think we all think of top surgery as the end all be all cure, but we still have work to do after that, you know? We have a lot of mental and emotional work to do. After the surgery, we may still have doubts and even sadness, but in the long run we'll be okay.

If it's something you really want, truly think it over, speak to a therapist (because, if you decide to do this, you'll need a letter from them), and see where you would like to go with this. But make sure you make a decision that will make you happy and allow you to live as authentically as possible. Good luck!
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Old 11-01-2018, 11:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: dreaming of top surgery

Hi there Starryprince you bring up some good points about surgery and not necessarily being the end all be all thing. While surgery can be very helpful in the way you present and feel about yourself it can bring about a lot of other issues.

I had surgery myself but went the other way, i had male breast augmentation, so I actually had my breast enlarged. I ended up larger than I originally thought I would be, so while I am very happy with the over all results it has opened up other issues that I now am dealing with that maybe weren't thoroughly thought out. Getting some counseling prioe to any major cosmetic surgery can be very helpful in the long run
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