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Old 01-28-2016, 03:04 PM #1
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Default The "Toilet Issue"

So I am queer.. and public toilets are horrible.. At least in my country.
There is a female and a male one not neutrals.. and that is horrible. I haven't gone to a toilet at school or outside since I identify as queer or non-binary in general and it's horrible.
People will say "so what, just use the female one because you pass as a female" but it is a big deal. I feel so out of place there, and I would use the male one but I got beaten up there a few times and I am too scared to go as well. It's horrible! Especially at school. I have to sneak out of the middle of class, and lock myself in the male's bathroom and be as quiet as possible because I needed a rest from my binder and every time I hear a male voice somewhere near the toilets I literally start shaking.
Please if someone has tips or something that can help me with the stress I have for the male toilets because at least there I feel a bit like myself..
Pfh I don't know at least tell me that I am not alone at least..
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Old 01-30-2016, 02:41 PM #2
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

I have the same issue! The only place that has a neutral toilet is my work place. Although if you can find single toilets those are great, because if anyone questions you coming out of one you can just say the other was broken.

But using a room with stalls is scary, I usually just hide until the bathroom is empty or go with one of my cis friends.
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Old 01-31-2016, 05:05 PM #3
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

I'm a trans guy, but I don't really 'pass' as male (yet... waiting on doctors appointents is ****) so I have the bathroom dilemma too, it really sucks. I mostly just go with the 'I don't care' attitude and use either mens or womens depending where I am and how I feel about the place. I've come across a couple of sites with tips for passing in the mens room
Hudson's Guide: Bathroom Use & STP Devices
Urinal etiquette ? things you should know before taking a tinkle | transthetics
perhaps there's something there you'd find helpful. Are there any unisex toilets at your school eg. the disabled toilets, that you could use? I know it's not the same as using the mens, but it's better to be safe...
You're definitely not alone in dealing with this
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Old 02-01-2016, 07:46 AM #4
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveJ View Post
I'm a trans guy, but I don't really 'pass' as male (yet... waiting on doctors appointents is ****) so I have the bathroom dilemma too, it really sucks. I mostly just go with the 'I don't care' attitude and use either mens or womens depending where I am and how I feel about the place. I've come across a couple of sites with tips for passing in the mens room
Hudson's Guide: Bathroom Use & STP Devices
Urinal etiquette ? things you should know before taking a tinkle | transthetics
perhaps there's something there you'd find helpful. Are there any unisex toilets at your school eg. the disabled toilets, that you could use? I know it's not the same as using the mens, but it's better to be safe...
You're definitely not alone in dealing with this
There are no unisex, anywhere. Thanks for the links, will definitely check them out.
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Old 02-01-2016, 08:58 PM #5
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

After reading what youve experienced... My best advice would be to use the women's rooms. I know it sucks. I know it's not easy. The whole situation is - messed up- (I'd use stronger language but I can't on these forums). And it's vile and wrong. But is it worth getting beat up for the discomfort in the women's room? Especially if things ever got out of hand. I'm being blunt because I worry about your safety.

If you decide you want to try and pass as male, I'd urge you to give it some time before going to the men's to make sure you're passing okay.

Having said all that. You're a valuable human being who's just trying to be theirself. You shouldn't be the one who has to change, you're not doing anything wrong. It's society that should change because they're the ones doing wrong. Sadly this doesn't always happen, or it might take time to happen. And during that time, you'll have to weigh your pros and Cons for yourself. Make a list of pros and cons for going to the men's room and one for the women's.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Keep in touch here as often as you need to. And stay safe.


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Old 02-09-2016, 01:16 PM #6
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

I feel with you! I wish I could give you some good advice but I have non. I often go to the bathroom I think people would expect me because of safety reasons, but then I'm always so damn uncomfortable.
Depending on the building I go to the most remote bathroom existing and decide there if I have the courage or not.

Is there maybe a room besides the bathroom to go to for taking off your binder?

What I can tell you: You are not alone. And I think you're doing great in taking care of you and giving yourself a break from the binder despite your situation.
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Old 02-13-2016, 08:21 AM #7
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

Bathrooms...suck this sucks, society is stupid

Here's my advice, if the teachers at the school accept you tell them how beat you up.

And so much agreed bathrooms suck I'm more of transfem but even being born male I have trouble using the men's' toilet reason is never went standing up (NEVER) even when I still identified as cis.
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Old 02-14-2019, 06:16 AM #8
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

I disagree, I mean if you have a thing that looks like a simple salami sausage so yes... Better place is go to women toilet. But if you are using Emisil STP like I did, in that case you can pee in men's room, without worries!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rand. View Post
After reading what youve experienced... My best advice would be to use the women's rooms. I know it sucks. I know it's not easy. The whole situation is - messed up- (I'd use stronger language but I can't on these forums). And it's vile and wrong. But is it worth getting beat up for the discomfort in the women's room? Especially if things ever got out of hand. I'm being blunt because I worry about your safety.

If you decide you want to try and pass as male, I'd urge you to give it some time before going to the men's to make sure you're passing okay.

Having said all that. You're a valuable human being who's just trying to be theirself. You shouldn't be the one who has to change, you're not doing anything wrong. It's society that should change because they're the ones doing wrong. Sadly this doesn't always happen, or it might take time to happen. And during that time, you'll have to weigh your pros and Cons for yourself. Make a list of pros and cons for going to the men's room and one for the women's.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Keep in touch here as often as you need to. And stay safe.


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Old 02-16-2019, 11:45 AM #9
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

Hello folks,

I have not dealt with these issues myself but I read this thread and want to reach out to all of you. It is horrible that you have to deal with all that fear and turmoil just to complete the simple act of using a toilet. I can only imagine how stressful and saddening that is for you.

I apologize on behalf of the world that some people have forgotten what really matters in life. I hope in time things will change and get better for all of you and the world will start understanding. Someone once told me: for every problem there is a solution. This toilet problem seems to me to be something the world could easily resolve with some creativity and grace.

I don't know if any of you are open to speaking with a therapist but I recommend it because what you're going through sounds excruciating. Therapy has helped me with depression and anxiety. Also, meditation and acupuncture.

Sorry if my post seems off-topic. I just want you to know that I care and you have my empathy and support

Peace to you.
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Old 02-16-2019, 11:59 AM #10
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Default Re: The "Toilet Issue"

Just realized I think I am not supposed to post here because I am not trans. I apologize. Peace.
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