Do you have direct experience with Narcissism? - Page 3 - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-21-2019, 11:54 AM #21
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255

72 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
A couple of other things I noticed are (and oh, had I KNOWN before! But better late than never, and I hope they will help someone avoid the danger):

-Exaggerated expressions. If they sound too good to be true and are inconsistent with her actions.

-"The look." Like having a grin on her face at an inappropriate time. She looks at you as if you are being ridiculous or as if she is enjoying seeing you aggravated.

And if she acts "concerned", but it doesn't feel sincere, try looking away for a while or excuse yourself briefly. She will either have an expression of hatred on her face, or a grin from a sadistic pleasure, as soon as she thinks you are not looking (Hmmm, what happened to that look of concern she just had?)
Those are great examples, ennie. I've experienced these first-hand from both men and women narcissists as friends and boyfriends.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 01:36 PM #22
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656 (SuperPoster!)

1,280 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post

1. name calling
Example: “You idiot, now you have made me angry!”
My abuser has never been explicit like this so I am not sure how to respond to something like this. She manipulates in subtle and passive-aggressive ways.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-21-2019, 01:59 PM #23
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255

72 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
My abuser has never been explicit like this so I am not sure how to respond to something like this. She manipulates in subtle and passive-aggressive ways.
Can you think of any examples off-hand?

When I told the Narc that I liked the radio station we were listening to in his car, he immediately used two types of verbal abuse, "discounting," and "undermining."

Here's what he said to me:

Discounting - the attempt to deny the victim the rights to his/her feelings

"You know Blanche, [name of radio station] is so yesterday b/c their music is so faux-hipster that no one with great musical taste listens to it really. It's perfect for [this city] b/c no one here is really that knowledgeable about what makes good music."

Undermining - attempt to make me question the validity of my own opinion; basically an attempt to put me down for my valid opinion.

"I know [so and so] from [the name of the radio station] and it really isn't that up to date on the type of music it plays. It's really gone downhill as far as quality. I can't believe you like that radio station. I thought you had better taste in music than that."

I didn't know how to respond at the time. I felt bad for liking that radio station's music and being a fan of it for as long as I have. So, I said nothing. But why should i feel bad, just because he told me to? That's why I think he was Narc'ing out on me in the car. Who tells someone that their choice of radio station is wrong, just because THEY don't like that radio station. I was such a wimp, that I didn't even defend liking the radio station to him. I wish I had.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 04:01 PM #24
nicoleflynn nicoleflynn is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 2,837
nicoleflynn nicoleflynn is offline
Magnate
nicoleflynn has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 2,837

5 yr Member
54 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Yes, my mother and ex-husband. Actually, narccissists hate themselves...and take it out on others. They are emotional vampires, and continually need their "fix"---that is you responding to their outrageous behavior. Don't engage.
nicoleflynn is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-21-2019, 04:47 PM #25
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255

72 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
Yes, my mother and ex-husband. Actually, narccissists hate themselves...and take it out on others. They are emotional vampires, and continually need their "fix"---that is you responding to their outrageous behavior. Don't engage.
Sorry to hear that, nicoleflynn. Yes, I agree with you that narcissists are emotional vampires that continually need their "fix" from people they view as their "sources."

It's hard not to engage once they hook you. Getting unhooked from a narcissist is never easy.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 08:24 PM #26
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656 (SuperPoster!)

1,280 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Can you think of any examples off-hand?
I don't know which category this fits into, but she was always trying to sabotage my happiness. I had a family member I had forgiven and reconciled with, and she saw that I was getting along with him at the family gathering (yes, I am unfortunately related to this person). She acted like she was happy for me, as everyone else was.

And then she texted me later reminding me of all the nasty things he said to me in the past, trying to drag me down.

"Remember when...."

I ended up not responding to her texts. I know what you mean by not knowing how to respond, because narcissists engage in strange behaviors that a normal person wouldn't. And you still try to give that person the benefit of doubt, making all kinds of excuses for her like, "Maybe she has a mental illness and she's not herself today," etc.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-21-2019, 08:33 PM #27
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656 (SuperPoster!)

1,280 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post

Getting unhooked from a narcissist is never easy.
Yes, this is the very reason I had to write to "Ask the Therapist" on PC.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-21-2019, 09:33 PM #28
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255

72 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
I don't know which category this fits into, but she was always trying to sabotage my happiness. I had a family member I had forgiven and reconciled with, and she saw that I was getting along with him at the family gathering (yes, I am unfortunately related to this person). She acted like she was happy for me, as everyone else was.

And then she texted me later reminding me of all the nasty things he said to me in the past, trying to drag me down.

"Remember when...."

I ended up not responding to her texts. I know what you mean by not knowing how to respond, because narcissists engage in strange behaviors that a normal person wouldn't. And you still try to give that person the benefit of doubt, making all kinds of excuses for her like, "Maybe she has a mental illness and she's not herself today," etc.
So you're related to your Narcissist? Or was in a relationship with her? So, she tried to "discount" your reconciliation with your brother, by later texting you reminders of the strained relationship you had with him in the past? Wow, that is very nasty and mean for her to do that to you. Not supportive of you at all.

I'm estranged from my brother (for good reason) and have no intention of ever reconciling with him (for good reason). But I empathize with how awkward and unsupportive that woman made you feel b/c I've been in your shoes.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 09:58 PM #29
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 656 (SuperPoster!)

1,280 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
So you're related to your Narcissist? Or was in a relationship with her? .
Related to her on my father's side of the family so I didn't grow up with her under the same roof.

Thank you for helping me see that her action was a form of discount.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-21-2019, 10:19 PM #30
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 255

72 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Related to her on my father's side of the family so I didn't grow up with her under the same roof.

Thank you for helping me see that her action was a form of discount.
Wow, sorry to hear that. My sister and brother are both manipulative (the family therapist called their behavior 'triangulation' during one session we all had to attend after our father's death, b/c our mother is mentally ill and was spending his insurance money willy nilly and acting crazy, so we did family therapy for 6 weeks before they all quit when the family therapist called out their manipulative behavior).

I hope you aren't in contact with her anymore, this family member?

i am reading up a lot on emotional unavailability and narcissism. I found this list of 15 types of verbal abuse on psychology today's website:

15 Common Forms of Verbal Abuse in Relationships | Psychology Today
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:03 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please Read the full Disclaimer.