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Old 02-22-2019, 06:53 AM   #1
Interestinknowing
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Default Problems with my relationship to my dad and disfunction with my family

My father and I fight consistently
My dad can be friendly but when he was young he could be violent and argumentative and sneaky
Now he's just a stern strict parent
Let me give you a little background he told
His estranged brother to get help, by force, by challenging him
To grow and my uncles angry response was I DONT NEED HELP my biological family is dysfunctional
Their parents would consistently argue, my grandfather would sarcasticly say i wish i could beat my old lady up so she stops nagging me. It was my way or the highway with my stubborn, nagging grandmother, always focused on flaws. My grandfather was avoidant, distant, sneaky, liked jokes, readers digest, cheerful,
My uncle is very damaged and angry from his narcisstic parents
He feels not loved
He cuts off ties from people and family he withdraws
A bit bossy
Analytical

My dad feels that abuse is normal and meant they loved each other
They came from a generation where you repressed your emotions

My dad tells me stories of his papa juan lopez sr with one look said stop the back talk children are to be seen not heard

type a demanding father ,calls me unhinged emotional outburst, gaslight you all his problems its all my fault, never want to leave the house, he says i aways want to travel, he is very controlling controls everything, says im not responsible enough with money, or essential cards, he controls the transportation

But he gaslights me to says all his problems are my fault then denies it. Hes very bold and confrontational accusing me of being a retard boy, lazy, and codependent

Hes very fiesty but has an unnerving way of playing the victim.
, but yet he expects perfection, and independence from me all on my own. expects he tries to teach me common sense, initiative, perfection, youre always never on time, he is always this is common senses for people liveing in the real world . He's very type a while i inherited my moms personality, creative, temperamental, dramatic, cheerful, talkative We got into a very violent argument today where he said going to walmart cuts into his alone time and time with his wife
And says shopping at walmart is an uncessary trip.
He spanked my sister one time talked to her and he said she became perfect
One time he flew into a rage and started beating me on the arm
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Old 02-22-2019, 07:11 AM   #2
MickeyCheeky
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Default Re: Problems with my relationship to my dad and disfunction with my family

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Interestingknowing Your dad sounds like an abusive, dangerous man. I'm so sorry. Can you get away from him? How old are you? Are there any friends or family members that you can reach out to? I'd suggest to go away from your dad as soon as you can, and perhaps move out with someone you trust. Do you have a job? Perhaps you could start saving some money and start becoming indipendent so that you won't have to rely on your dad. Anything that may help you get away from that abusive environment. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 02-22-2019, 09:43 AM   #3
Interestinknowing
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Default Re: Problems with my relationship to my dad and disfunction with my family

Im 29. My problem is Im disabled. I get SSI. I barely get out much with my disability.
lIm trying to get my own apartment but I wont get approved till around april or may. I have no close friends and my biological family loves in florida, new york city (my aunt) my uncle is living in california, his three grown children live there with their families, i have family in the miami florida area , at leasr 5 if them live there
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Old 02-22-2019, 01:25 PM   #4
MickeyCheeky
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Default Re: Problems with my relationship to my dad and disfunction with my family

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Interestingknowing It's good that you're getting your own apartment soon. That seems like a step forward to me. Try to hang on. Just wait a little longer. Be patient. Hopefully you'll be able to stay away from him. Cut off all contacts with him as soon as you can if you can. I'm so sorry you don't have a support system IRL. That must be terrible. I'm here for you if you need to talk about it. I know it's not the same thing as having a support system IRL, but at least it's something. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 02-22-2019, 07:34 PM   #5
eskielover
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I hope you can get away on your own even if disabled. The thing is (something I personally experienced through life) that as long as my whole life was tied to reacting to & fighting against the dysfunctional people in my life (parents then husband....I am 66 & divorced after 33 years married) I could not even figure out who I really was & what my own thoughts & beliefs were. I left my marriage 11 1/2 years ago & that was when I really started learning who I really was. I had a computer design engineering career for 15 years but ended up on disability.....even during that time & even though I was very independent all my energy went into fighting & reacting leaving very little energy for anything else.

Sometimes we seriously need our own space especially when all we have had around us is dysfunction
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