You wouldn't say it to a broken plate.... - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 02-22-2019, 03:53 AM #1
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Default You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

Now, plate, be reasonable! Quit making such a fuss! Other plates have been broken into more pieces than you have.

You have no right to complain that you're broken. It's not like I threw you on the ground on purpose. I did the best I could.

Besides, it's your fault for being so breakable.

It happened so long ago that you should have put yourself back together by now. If you're still broken, it's just that you choose to be.

You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....
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Old 02-22-2019, 06:31 PM #2
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

I experienced this with my abusive relationship.

Common things I heard: You must like it if you don't leave. It's your fault for staying. You are letting him "break" you.

People are so quick to judge without understanding the dynamic of actually being broken. No plate breaks the same. Some get fixed sooner than others, others never get fixed.
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Old 02-26-2019, 02:55 PM #3
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

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Old 02-26-2019, 05:49 PM #4
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

When people say things like that: "When you blame me, you shame me, and keep me silent."
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Old 03-07-2019, 12:54 AM #5
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
It happened so long ago that you should have put yourself back together by now. If you're still broken, it's just that you choose to be.
Sometimes not just the abuser, but people around you who don't understand abuse or the traumatizing effect of abuse will talk this way.
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Old 03-07-2019, 06:12 PM #6
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

Sadly people can be ignorant and further hurt an abused person. Instead of educating themselves, they say hurtful things.
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Old 03-08-2019, 01:12 PM #7
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
It's not like I threw you on the ground on purpose. I did the best I could.
Unfortunately I can all too easily imagine my MIL saying this.
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Old 03-08-2019, 03:01 PM #8
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

Quote:
It happened so long ago that you should have put yourself back together by now. If you're still broken, it's just that you choose to be.
This is what a lot of people say, "it's your choice to hurt or feel broken", it doesn't help to hear that kind of comment and there are different ways people say this that's not helpful at all.
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Old 03-08-2019, 03:20 PM #9
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

The question should be more whether if glue is found to put the pieces back together is one willing to use it even if it is not repaired exactly as it was before? Does one just write off the brokenness because the right glue hasn't been found yet or does one keep searching?

This is a PERSONAL question & has nothing to do with what anyone else says or thinks.
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Old 03-08-2019, 04:49 PM #10
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Default Re: You wouldn't say it to a broken plate....

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
The question should be more whether if glue is found to put the pieces back together is one willing to use it even if it is not repaired exactly as it was before? Does one just write off the brokenness because the right glue hasn't been found yet or does one keep searching?

This is a PERSONAL question & has nothing to do with what anyone else says or thinks.
It is a good question. Eventually, if we're going to be put back together again, we need that glue. BUT a broken plate glued back together still won't look the same as before. Whether it can still be used depends on a lot of things, including the quality of the glue.

What's that Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold, and then considering the mended piece more beautiful than it was before it was broken? Looking it up....

Ah. Kintsugi. Here it is.
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