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Old 02-06-2019, 09:15 PM   #1
Inaccurate
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Trig My mother showing sexual interest in me when I was a teen.

I know its not normal but I wonder whether this could had contributed to my near asexuality. Im an adult man now.

From the age of +-13 my mother began to talk to me about my body and what I should expect soon. Not my father but my mother. Fair enough.

Then she began to ask me (on a regular basis) about the size of my penis "and what I do with it" when parents are not around. I wasnt doing anything with myself back then but for some reason my head kept interpreting it as 'shameful' and I began to think that I shouldnt disappoint my mother and not discover what my penis could do (although I did discover it a year later lol).

At the age of 14-15 I caught my mother looking through the hole of the bathroom when I was washing myself. When I confronted her with this her answer was "I looked at you because Im curious what men do when they are having a bath".

At the age of 16 I went to a beach with my parents and I caught her excited eyes looking at my thing which was quite visible through the swimming pants. She told me "you have quite a penis and I have seen its shape".

And finally at +-18yo she suddenly told me "Id really like to see your penis".

I did confront her with this a few years ago. She told me it was all a "joke"

My parents live far from me and Im not eager to see them. Partially for this...

So what do you think?

Last edited by bluekoi; 02-08-2019 at 10:41 AM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Old 02-07-2019, 08:05 AM   #2
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Default Re: My mother showing sexual interest in me when I was a teen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inaccurate View Post
I know its not normal but I wonder whether this could had contributed to my near asexuality. Im an adult man now.

From the age of +-13 my mother began to talk to me about my body and what I should expect soon. Not my father but my mother. Fair enough.

Then she began to ask me (on a regular basis) about the size of my penis "and what I do with it" when parents are not around. I wasnt doing anything with myself back then but for some reason my head kept interpreting it as 'shameful' and I began to think that I shouldnt disappoint my mother and not discover what my penis could do (although I did discover it a year later lol).

At the age of 14-15 I caught my mother looking through the hole of the bathroom when I was washing myself. When I confronted her with this her answer was "I looked at you because Im curious what men do when they are having a bath".

At the age of 16 I went to a beach with my parents and I caught her excited eyes looking at my thing which was quite visible through the swimming pants. She told me "you have quite a penis and I have seen its shape".

And finally at +-18yo she suddenly told me "Id really like to see your penis".

I did confront her with this a few years ago. She told me it was all a "joke"

My parents live far from me and Im not eager to see them. Partially for this...

So what do you think?
if you google asexuality you will find it is something where a person identifies with being neither boy or girl, man or woman, along with this comes having no attraction / love interest/ romantic interest with either men nor women.

given that your post identified your self as being a man rather than calling yourself... Im an adult with no gender identification..... I think you can rest easy that you are may not under the legal definition be asexual gender.

that said many do have a problem where they have no interest in sex/ romance/ love/ dating and so on due to being sexually abused emotionally or physically. my location calls this having PTSD. mind you Im not making a diagnosis of your problem just telling you what my location calls what you went through with your mother and the problems you are having is called here where I am.

to find out what this is in your own location you will need to contact your own or a medical or mental health treatment provider. they will tell you what this is in you and how to best treat the problem.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:05 PM   #3
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She has a problem.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:13 PM   #4
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That sounds like a very inappropriate behavior, Inaccurate. It must have been really uncomfortable for you. I don't know if this may have caused your asexuality, but it's worth looking into it. How is your relationship with your mother right now? I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:33 PM   #5
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Default Re: My mother showing sexual interest in me when I was a teen.

This behavior in your mother was twisted and intrusive. It has left you with a deep insecurity that you have been guarding for a while now. This is what I was picking up in my other posts to you in your other thread.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:42 PM   #6
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This behavior in your mother was twisted and intrusive. It has left you with a deep insecurity that you have been guarding for a while now. This is what I was picking up in my other posts to you in your other thread.
The damage that she did can not be undone. My mother saw me as an extension of herself and not as a new person. There are many things that she did which kept ruining me.

Basic examples: when I was 14 and 15 I had a summer job in a factory. The salary was paid in cash which she would promptly confiscate from me without any explanation of any kind.

She would always open my mail (physical letters I mean) while knowing very well that I would rage. There were no secrets in there except my feeling of privacy that was being violated in the most despicable possible ways.

Being her extension meant that my role in the house was being her mirror. Sometimes even literally.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:54 PM   #7
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The damage that she did can not be undone. My mother saw me as an extension of herself and not as a new person. There are many things that she did which kept ruining me.
That's what you have been doing with others though when you talk about how you "manipulate them" but you can never show them your true self.

This is exactly what I was saying to you in your other thread. It's why I say it is "sad".

The damage done "can" be healed but it's going to be a challenge and you will need the right kind of therapist to help you with this. You cannot undue what your mother did, no, that you can't change, but you work on learning how to heal from it.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:59 PM   #8
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Default Re: My mother showing sexual interest in me when I was a teen.

I think this has something to do with finding the kind of woman you "may" be able to trust, she has to have more "depth" to her otherwise you won't be able to feel safe to experience something you have been so deeply disturbed and confused about. You have very, very sensitive boundary issues.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:59 PM   #9
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Default Re: My mother showing sexual interest in me when I was a teen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
This behavior in your mother was twisted and intrusive. It has left you with a deep insecurity that you have been guarding for a while now. This is what I was picking up in my other posts to you in your other thread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
That's what you have been doing with others though when you talk about how you "manipulate them" but you can never show them your true self.

This is exactly what I was saying to you in your other thread. It's why I say it is "sad".

The damage done "can" be healed but it's going to be a challenge and you will need the right kind of therapist to help you with this.
Therapist huh? I tried visiting 3 therapists.

The first one got very scared of me and wouldnt see me again.

The second one was an interesting challenge yet he proved to be inferior and relatively easy to manipulate.

The third one was NPD himself. A very arrogant one.

The so called therapy is manipulation for commoners. Same as commercials on tv. So no.
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Old 02-07-2019, 01:04 PM   #10
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Honestly? I believe you did not have good experience with therapists. Experienced that myself and I am sure others can relate.

Have you ever tried a "trauma specialist"?
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