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Old 12-05-2018, 03:27 PM   #1
Marylin
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Default Old abuser resurfaces.

Back in the 90's I was seriously mentally ill and suicidal a lot of the time due to my narcissist sister that abused me with her boyfriend,verbal and emotional abuse.Her boyfriend had an old woman friend that called me a rich *****,her being poor was my fault, according to her justice wouldn't be served unless I gave her my entire financial worth so that she was the rich one and I was poor,this is because I wasn't allowed to have money in her eyes because I was an ethnic minority,so there was racism there.On one occasion she said I'd hurt her so should go commit suicide cos I deserved to be dead for what I said to her.I ended the acquaintance shortly after that but for a while we were friends we even went on holiday to Scotland together.

Why I bring this up,I'd not seen this woman for 25 years but I bumped into her three weeks ago at the eye clinic when I went for my check up.We spoke and caught up on our news,she didn't speak to me at first,she went red and hung her head in shame.She admitted she was scared to talk to me,I said don't be scared,she said past is past isn't it.I said past is past cos I felt sorry for her apparently in the year 2000 her sister committed suicide.I said maybe we could be friends again.But I don't think I want to be cos she always had this cruel sense of humour an an attitude of being superior to me.

What's upsetting me is we are members of the same political party and she is acting like she doesn't have a racist past and I have to endure her posts on facebook and if I go to events and meetings we will be mixing with the same people.She posted on facebook about a fascist group in our area and how she didn't know there were so many members of that group in our area.I replied to the thread saying yes,they were visible in the 90's and I had rascism directed towards me for having money and was called a rich ***** and that I should give a certain somebody all my money cos she felt she deserved it more than me and she though she was superior to me.So I am waiting to see if she reads it and what her response will be.I don't want to be friends with her again or mix with her even if she has changed and isn't racist anymore.I didn't like the way she patronised me when I said my sister was jealous of her sister in law,and how my sister had also abused me for years trying to drive me to suicide.She patronisingly said,it true you are not imaging it,in a superior tone as if to say I am stupid for putting up with my sister so long.Back then in the 90's her and her friends verbally abused me and were racist towards us a lot,I don't want to have much to do with her cos I know deep down she is still that nasty woman and I don't trust her.

I feel upset that she has joined the same party as me and I might bump into her anytime I get involved.I am not avoiding it cos of her so I wrote what I did on the facebook thread to kinda say to her I haven't forgotten the abuse you dished out at me back then.Did I do the right thing?
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Old 12-05-2018, 07:00 PM   #2
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I am sorry you ended up running into someone who was so abusive to you in the past. It's possible that what you wrote about what you experienced from her that she might get angry, hard to know in that what she did and said years ago was really awful. Honestly that would hurt anyone no matter what their race. She will either respond OR she will think you are outing her and she might end up stepping away from the group altogether. Given your history with her I think it would be best to avoid her and don't get friendly with her again either which would give her another chance to hurt you.
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Old 12-10-2018, 05:09 PM   #3
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Yes, I would keep my distance from that person. Just be cordial and greet her if you see her, but not trust her and put yourself in harm's way. There should be other [safe] people in the party to hang out with.
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:19 PM   #4
Marylin
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I have been waiting for this woman to apologise for the abuse she subjected me to in the past,even though it was 30 years ago but she continues to avoid the subject even though I dropped hints on the facebook group page.I posted about a post of hers that I remember she always had a cruel sense of humour,she played dumb and said she couldn't see anything cruel or offensive in her humour.I replied it reminded me that she had had a cruel humour in the past and of a joke she made about my sister and I in the past and how she verbally abused me,I said maybe facebook wasn't the place to discuss it did she want to talk elsewhere.The whole post and it's thread had been removed by her I assume.I was pissed off that she is a member of the organisation with a facebook group,I feel I am being pushed out of the organisation by her being there,especially as she abused me in the past against this organisation's values and she is there pretending to be whiter than white.So I messaged another member who is prominent in the group and organisation and told her about this abuser,how I waited for an apology but she's acting like she did me no wrong and brushing it all under the carpet,but I feel I can't ignore what she did and I feel uncomfortable going to meetings with her there.I am waiting to see if I get a reply and if they consider me and my feelings.If they do not then I think I will just withdraw from the organisation,as they will not be right for me if they can condone her past actions and ignore the effect she has had on me.
Do you think I am wrong to be so upset over this?Today I saw more of her posts with cartoons that make fun of someone,someone is always the butt of this woman's jokes and she always implies herself superior even if the cartoons are general and vague about who they are aimed at.I despise this woman,today she made me very very angry,I hate her more now than I did 30 years ago when she abused me.Back then I thought I was the problem and that I deserved the abused,now I see she was a nasty,self entitled and selfish ,cruel abuser who took advantage of me and enjoyed hurting me.I love myself so much more now so I am angry with her for what she put me through and how she is now trying to pretend it never happened.
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Old 01-10-2019, 09:00 PM   #5
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Old 01-11-2019, 08:31 AM   #6
Marylin
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The other member I messaged about that woman's past abuse got back to me,she says although she's not friends with this other woman she knows her and her husband well as they live in her area.She offered to speak to her for me,I said I wanted the woman who abused me to know that I had been expecting an apology for what she had done to me in the past,that I couldn't put myself through confronting her directly for fear she would deny it and just gaslight me.I said I would be happy to forget the abuse if she apologised and promised it wouldn't happen again.We will see what the response is.I am still upset about it I am all churned up,and it has shaken my core security,that someone gets away with coming back into my life having abused me in the past,declare,past is past,and think all is ok without even acknowledging what she did and apologising.I can't bear myself,it is reminding me of the self hatred she caused in me in the past how I believed her when she blamed me for her poverty and I felt I didn't deserve to be secure financially because she wasn't,she made me feel that I should give her all my money.And she was always making cruel comments aimed at me,comments that were general enough that I couldn't prove they were about me but specific enough to know she probably did mean me.It was all mind games.You know what even if she apologises I don't want her in my life.I did want others in the same group as us to know what she did to me.I don't know how long it will take me to get over this,I am still very upset.Thank you for your comforting words Fuzzybear.
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Old 01-11-2019, 07:33 PM   #7
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I know what you mean by an abuser playing mind games, having cruel sense of humor, and then playing dumb. She harms you in the grey area doing something that you can't exactly point a finger at because it "could be" interpreted another way by people who don't know her true intentions. Good call on your part to not have her in your life.
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