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Old 10-27-2018, 12:58 AM #1
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Default Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).

Last edited by ennie; 10-27-2018 at 01:08 AM. Reason: use gender-neutral language
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Old 10-27-2018, 02:10 PM #2
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).
You're not wrong at all. I feel the same way when people tell me that others have had it worse. Emotional abuse is serious but it's not taken seriously.

No one likes to be invalidated and statements like those make it sound as if our voices are not being heard. I hear you. You're not alone.
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Old 10-27-2018, 02:12 PM #3
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse in my opinion, but a lot of people don't understand that. I was emotionally abused by my brother, and it was very painful.
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Old 10-31-2018, 10:41 AM #4
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Nope, not wrong at all. I was constantly told by members of my family (who didn't want to acknowledge what was happening) that what I went through was "not that bad." I eventually broke contact with those people, because I was tired of them making me feel like I was lying or invalidating my feelings.



I read somewhere once (I forget where) that the underlying goal of abusers is the same: to terrorize the child (or other victim), regardless of the type of abuse. So they will do whatever they need to do to terrorize you. Even if that abuse looks different than the abuse someone else went through, you were still terrorized.
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Old 11-01-2018, 11:48 AM #5
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Youre not wrong.

Im sorry that the abuse, and the dismissal of it, happened to you.

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Old 11-01-2018, 11:24 PM #6
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Smile Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

you are right. emotional abuse is terrible.
physical abuse is terrible.
Sexual abuse is terrible.
Cancer is terrible.
Neglect and poverty is terrible.
one terrible thing does not cancel out the other.
your pain is real.
Good luck!
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Old 11-02-2018, 02:29 PM #7
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Decide what actually is hurting about this. I think probably what is happening is you want it to come and someone to doctor you a person to go on a journey with you ....A forever friend at least until this transition dissolves....Other than that, weigh both sides of the argument are you getting something and try not to be selfish about it. Accentuate a positive here!
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Old 11-02-2018, 03:34 PM #8
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Sorry to hear that Ennie. Emotional and Psychological abuse are serious issues especially when escalated and paired with more obvious forms of violence. Sounds like you're talking to the wrong person and it is possible downplaying your emotional trauma is your friend's way of protecting your story. Worst-case scenario, your friend may not have the emotional strength to give your story the attention it needs. My suggestion, find a way to vent your frustrations with your friend in a way he responds better to or find a different friend to make those steps with. Emotional exploration has been important to me and my healing process, so I say make the time for yourself that you need to continue your healing process. Good Luck
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Old 03-19-2019, 02:35 PM #9
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).
Absolutely not wrong in feeling upset when someone dismisses your experience with emotional abuse. The trick is to try to predetermine who to trust with that information. If someone invalidates your feelings, minimalizes your feelings when you share a sensitive personal story about your abuse history, you owe it to yourself to hold them accountable by telling them, "hey, what you said hurt my feelings." If they can't handle being held accountable, then they really aren't a good friend. Don't make excuses for these friends, who reject your need for emotional support.

I have to disagree with AB2371's advice to give your friends a break who reject you for sharing such private information, b/c they can't handle it. That's baloney. If they can't handle it, they are immature, self-absorbed people who totally lack empathy. They don't deserve your friendship if they are going to try to downplay or shame you for what you've gone through, b/c it makes them feel awkward or uncomfortable.
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:50 AM #10
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Default Re: Comparing your abuse to someone else's

There is no reason to compare cases. Apples and oranges. Abuse is abuse and damage is damage. It doesn't matter what form it takes. Somebody who dies from one cobra bite is just as dead as somebody who was bitten thirty times by that cobra.
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