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Old 10-18-2018, 06:46 PM   #1
ZainaTheBee
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Post would it be considered abuse if it's normal in my culture

hey, a fresh newbie here, hopefully everyone here is nice and we can get along well.

sooo, idk if it would be considered physical abuse since a lot of parents here see it as a way to discipline their kids (i personally do NOT agree with it at all), but my mom hits me quite a bit???

when i was a kid she was very gentle and sweet towards me, basically treating me as the most fragile porcelain doll that ever was, but when i turned 8 we had to move, and her whole demeanor changed. she became more aggressive and hotheaded,half of the time we interacted together was when i made a tiny mistake she'd yell for hours, and was too busy too acknowledge me the other half of the time since her work was hardd.

things took an even worse turn when my eyesight got wayyy worse. i was at -4 at 8 years old, which was apparently quite rare. on the way home my mom yelled at me endlessly and kept on telling me that i would go blind at this rate, giving me horrible anxiety when entering any eye doctors office, and, developing a harsh fear of the dark for a bit where i couldn't sleep at night unless my body forced me to.

my mom became physically aggressive around this time, she hit me with her heels, step on my stomach, drag my around by my hair, punch me, one time even chocked me, this only ends when i have enough time to escape, close my room door, beg my dad to help calm her down while she tries breaking the door open. it was fair to say that a lot of my body was covered in bruises

you see, my mom doesn't mean to do this, it's like when she's angry she blanks out and turns into a completely new person, afterwards i don/t think she even remembers what happened. she acts like we didn't get into a fight in years ( definitely not true), and are the best of friends (also not true).

the only time she does this sort of thing and kinda acknowledges it is when, i got to the eye doctor. now at 14, my eye sight is at -11 and i'm at a high risk of going blind because of extremely weak eye muscles, mom always hits me and blames me for this out of fear, but afterwards she tries making it up for me by taking me out to eat or shop, since she knows how much i hate the experience.


when my mom and i fight we fight. we are in no way even resembling a healthy mother and daughter relationship, but when i bring it up to my closest friends, and family members they shrug it off and say it's because i push her buttons a lot without meaning to, or another roundabout way to say that my mom is not in the wrong, i am. i should mention that a few of my foreign friends say that i should be concerned.

please tell me what you think.
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Old 10-19-2018, 07:19 PM   #2
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Hello Zaina: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

I'm sorry you are being treated so poorly. No one should have to endure the kind of abuse you describe in your post. Yes, as you mentioned, perhaps it's true you "push your mother's buttons". But that does not excuse physical abuse. And you certainly cannot be blamed for your poor eyesight.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

And then here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to deal with toxic parents & difficult relatives:

15 Signs You Have Toxic Parents | Happily Imperfect

10 Tips for Dealing with your Toxic Parents | Happily Imperfect

Are Your Parents Toxic?

How to Deal with Difficult Family Members

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 10-19-2018, 07:50 PM   #3
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Default Re: would it be considered abuse if it's normal in my culture

Talk to a school counselor. This is physical and verbal abuse...very dangerous; she could put you in the hospital or kill you. Whether you push her buttons or not is irrelevant; she CHOOSES her behavior (if she really does black out and doesn't remember); this is all the more dangerous; keep speaking up until someone helps you. This won't stop until yu find a way to stop it.

Yes, your mom is wrong.....abusive. Ihad a mother like that and understand.

She abuses you because she can get away with it (most abuse is done behind closed doors); if she abused anyone else, she would be arrested. Abuse is a CHOICE. Is there anyone you could stay with for awhile?
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Old 10-25-2018, 03:48 PM   #4
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Default Re: would it be considered abuse if it's normal in my culture

Being from a different culture is tricky. I'm from a culture where physical abuse wasn't even seen as a abuse. So my grandma was abused and then went on to abuse my mom and my aunt. The cycle ended with my mom, who never abused me because she didn't want me to have a childhood like her. Unfortunately, my grandma (who lives with us) was abusive to me, too. My mom didn't even see it as abuse until I started mentioning that it wasn't right. Now she's more aware.

I, personally, think this is severe physical abuse. You could have died in some of these situations you're listing. I think you said that you're 14? Can you speak to a school guidance counselor or a trusted friend about this? Maybe even a teacher you trust? We care about you on here, and this is an extremely dangerous situation you're in. It doesn't matter if she abuses you out of fear. That still makes it awful.

I highly recommend you think about telling someone about this. No one, especially a teenager, should be in a situation like this.
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Old 10-25-2018, 04:20 PM   #5
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Yes it is
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Old 11-02-2018, 12:33 AM   #6
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No exuse for abuse
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Old 11-05-2018, 04:24 PM   #7
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I agree with nicoleflynn.
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