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Old 10-11-2018, 04:33 PM   #1
Zedsdead
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Default Fear of men

I feel like I'm going to be forever fearful of men and never be able to date again. I have held off until now.. but I would like to start dating again soon. Everytime I start to talk to a man and they flirt or suggest anything more than friendship... I get a sick, disgusted feeling in my stomach and I cannot continue. My experience with abuse was physical and emotional more than sexual... yet I have been left with very odd feelings about sex.

Does anybody else experience something similar? I cannot afford a therapist but did see a counselor for a year following my breakup. It helped.. but I still feel ruined
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Old 10-11-2018, 11:03 PM   #2
Dnester
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Default Re: Fear of men

For some reason I find men uncaring and dull. I have felt that way ever since I was around 7. No idea why. It definately comes into play with intimacy. It fuels my idea men only care about sex. I understand.
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Old 10-11-2018, 11:15 PM   #3
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Default Re: Fear of men

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
For some reason I find men uncaring and dull. I have felt that way ever since I was around 7. No idea why. It definately comes into play with intimacy. It fuels my idea men only care about sex. I understand.
Thank you for understanding. I recently tried out the online dating scene. Puke. I know that is where lots of men do go to find sex... but every single man i briefly spoke to, questioned me about sexual details and such... It really put me off and i was only on there for 2 days.

Sigh.
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Old 10-12-2018, 01:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: Fear of men

I totally get you. (I mean mine was sexually abusive). At this point I'm telling people, because it's easier to put simply, is that I will never date a man again. I will never marry a man, or be in close proximity to one unless someone I trust is within shouting distance. And right now it's true. I don't trust men. Any men. Except like my dad and my grandpa but I digress. I want nothing to do with men. The last time I was alone with a man I had a panic attack because of it. So that in mind maybe it's better to stay in a safe place, even if someone else thinks it's unreasonable. And I wasn't exaggerating when I said ALL (well you know like I said above). Yeah I know not all men do these things, but some do. And there is no way to tell them apart. It's kind of like having a handful of skittles and being told a bunch of them are poisoned but not which ones. How hesitant would you be to eat them?
Honestly I don't think the point of recovery is to "get over" something. I don't think you can ever just get over these things. It happened. You'll probably always remember it, it will always be an uncomfortable topic, and you'll probably be much more cautious because of it. But you can get to a place where you don't just live with it, you live in spite of it (spite is a wonderful motivator for me), you smile a genuine smile because you know that even though bad things did and can happen, good things will still happen too. What's most important is your health, your feelings, your safety, and (very important) feeling safe despite it. And that IS an attainable goal. Maybe you wont reach it this week. This month, this year, this decade, but it's important to know that you WILL.
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Old 10-12-2018, 01:01 PM   #5
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Hate the word dating. Sounds like some preparations for the bedroom. I have make friends & actually do *date* technically, I guess. But always guys I have met thru other activities. Something like a class or recently political activities or thru hobbies. Guess I've always met them with other people around. Can get other people's impression as well. Recently learned to play pool. So I've met one of the guys for games at the clubhouse then went out to eat afterwards. Get too stressed out at meeting at his or my place.
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Old 10-12-2018, 01:36 PM   #6
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Default Re: Fear of men

Hon, I really feel I understand and, certainly, it IS understandable you'd be left with these thoughts and feelings. Abuse of any kind is obviously traumatic, and unforgivable, I do hope that you'll be able to get help in future, if you feel a need. Infact, I'd urge you to....imo, you won't move on, without proper help, but of course, no one can tell you what's best. Being very frank, I'm unsure I'll ever be able to have a physical relationship with a man ever again. Your post has struck a chord with me. Sending you much love and I'm here in what way I can be, if you should ever want/need to talk

Last edited by Miss P; 10-12-2018 at 03:00 PM..
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Old 10-12-2018, 09:51 PM   #7
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Default Re: Fear of men

I can understand this feeling...

I am kind of okay with men on a friendship level, but any more than that, I get very nervous and sick to my stomach.
My mom likes to point out when men are "checking me out" and honestly, every time she does that, I feel my blood boil and it makes me want to smack her *and* the men "checking me out".

I don't feel confident or sexy when men stare at me, I feel the opposite. I HATE HATE HATE when random men on the street look at me funny... I HATE IT!
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Old 10-12-2018, 09:56 PM   #8
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Default Re: Fear of men

I have the type of body men like to objectify (really big boobs), and it's been hard. I feel like it attracts all the wrong kinds of men. I've actually considered dating women, but none of them are interested in me. I recently realized it's just easier being single. It's what I'm used to anyway. I've never had a serious relationship, and I don't think I want one. I'm too independent.
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Old 10-14-2018, 10:29 AM   #9
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Default Re: Fear of men

Thank you for all the replies and I'm sorry that you all feel the same way!!!

I get the same sick feelings if men look at me. I don't want to feel victimized and I truly don't see myself as a victim. But when it comes to sexuality, I feel like men are sly and will do anything it takes to sleep with a woman. I like to be friendly but have been blamed for being a 'tease' in the past .. even when that has not been my intention.
I guess I have all sorts of bad feelings towards men in general and I hope that one day I can get past them and see them as human beings... not beings to avoid at all costs.
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Old 10-14-2018, 11:20 AM   #10
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Default Re: Fear of men

Well, it is true that many men just want to get laid and view women as sexual objects, especially when they are younger and hormonal, but not ALL men. There are good, very decent and kind, non- abusive men. The key is to keep alerts up when dating, be discerning and aware but not totally jaded. Unfortunately there is a lot of crap to weed through, but good men DO exist.. ones who will be respectful of you. Take your time and allow yourself healing from past abuse. I think itís only natural after abuse to fear men.. in time you can heal though.
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