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Old 10-09-2018, 12:33 AM   #11
chrisinmd
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
It's hard to stand up for yourself when people are ganging up on you. And I think it might be harder for boys when their fathers tell them they're supposed to fight back. If you do fight back, you might get in trouble too. I think childhood bullying can affect people for the rest of their lives. Have you tried talking to a therapist about it?
I agree with your comments. My father basically told me to stop being a ***** and kick there ***. Made me feel like it was my fault for not stopping it.


I have mentioned the bulling to a therapist in the past. Told me kids can be cruel and that it wasant my fault. Also tried to make the point I did the best I could at the time with what I knew at the time.
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Old 11-10-2018, 06:43 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
ust joined today. Glad to be among like minded people.

What brought me here today is I have been having issues dealing with bullying when I was in school and for a little bit after into my early 20's. 40 years old now so I don't feel this should be bothering me anymore. Not currently being abused or bullied in any way.

Anyway I was bullied like I said and I feel very guilty and ashamed of myself for not standing up for myself and preventing it from happening. My father and others told me to just fight back but I could not bring myself to do it. I feel like a complete coward.


I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety disorder in my mid 20's. So I know that was a big reason I was not able to stand up for myself. I was very anxious socially before the bullying started so it didn't cause the anxiety but im sure made it worse.


Im having intrusive thoughts about this and like I said Im 40 not and this has been over for almost 20 years. Cant anyone relate?


I guess what makes me feel guilty is I could have stopped it. Im a healthy male physically so I should have done something. Not a child who is beaten or a wife who is being abused. Anyway don't feel like much of a man.


Anyway any thought that can help or anyone that can relate?


Thanks for listening

I can totally relate to this! I was abused physically by my younger sister and I had a hard time standing up to her. She beat me up regularly and bullied me daily. I felt very inadequate growing up as a boy and ended up having such a low confidence as the result of her abuse. I was bullied all the time at school, including by younger kids as I was an easy target. I still think about it and feel very ashamed about it. People’s reaction was that I should stand up and shouldn’t be such a sissy, which made it worse for me.
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Old 11-10-2018, 07:56 AM   #13
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

The shame and blame belong (not to you) but the bullies. Try to put that where it belongs (I know it is difficult). Bullies are insecure and need to put others down in order to feel more important; they never feel good about themselves. My mother was verbally and physically abusive, and then my (ex) husband of 31 years, Except for 3 years in the army I lived with abuse. I did a lot of research and figured out what happened. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life, and I think it is a bookwhich everyone should read. Verbal abuse is rampant on our planet.

Unfortunately, we cannot stop someone from bullying us; all we can do is walk away.It is like someone is throwing stones at you, and we wouldn't allow anyone to do that.
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Old 11-10-2018, 09:54 AM   #14
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I think you have to stand up to a bully. There are ways to do it that are not violent. The trick is to find the way. All bullies are really weak. That is why they have to make themselves "appear" overpowering. The weakness is individual. Find it.
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Old 11-10-2018, 10:27 AM   #15
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

I was bullied as an elementary school kid, which effected my self esteem. I was thrilled to move afterward and was never bullied again. I hardly thought about it over the years.

But when I developed an intimacy issue in my marriage, an on going nightmare relationship, I took a look back and remembered it. I still felt angry about it. I felt like if I’d run in to any of the mean girls from then, I’d tell them off for how they treated me and how much it hurt me. But, I never searched them out. I didn’t really want to confront them.

I’m not sure about the point I am making pertaining to you. Maybe you can glean something from my experience.
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Old 11-15-2018, 03:27 AM   #16
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I was heavily bullied as well, both in elementary school and beyond. Even today there are a couple of people I run into occasionally who will give me a hard time. It makes me feel powerless, humiliated and frankly stupid. When I was 12 I took out all my anger on a disable kid (who was incredibly intelligent, by the way) and got caught and severely punished. I deserved it, but nobody ever stood up or helped me when I needed it. Nobody ever got punished. As a result, I'm still p----d. I even have revenge fantasies and I'm worried about my mental sanity. I just wanted to tell you that the others have given you some very sound advice, I could put it into practice myself. I really need to heal my injured sense of justice and I need to dispel the need to hurt those people back.
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Old 11-16-2018, 07:16 PM   #17
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
It's hard to stand up for yourself when people are ganging up on you. And I think it might be harder for boys when their fathers tell them they're supposed to fight back. If you do fight back, you might get in trouble too. I think childhood bullying can affect people for the rest of their lives. Have you tried talking to a therapist about it?
That is great advice! I wish that I had thought about that myself! I do believe everything that you said.
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Old 11-16-2018, 07:19 PM   #18
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
I agree with your comments. My father basically told me to stop being a ***** and kick there ***. Made me feel like it was my fault for not stopping it.


I have mentioned the bulling to a therapist in the past. Told me kids can be cruel and that it wasant my fault. Also tried to make the point I did the best I could at the time with what I knew at the time.
I had a therapist once to me to ignored the bullying. Think about the possibility of what might happen.
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Old 11-16-2018, 07:23 PM   #19
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

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Originally Posted by Abusedbysister View Post
I can totally relate to this! I was abused physically by my younger sister and I had a hard time standing up to her. She beat me up regularly and bullied me daily. I felt very inadequate growing up as a boy and ended up having such a low confidence as the result of her abuse. I was bullied all the time at school, including by younger kids as I was an easy target. I still think about it and feel very ashamed about it. People’s reaction was that I should stand up and shouldn’t be such a sissy, which made it worse for me.
This is what my sibling did to me. My mom would always tell me that I start it and deserve the bullying.
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Old 11-16-2018, 07:32 PM   #20
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Default Re: Effects of Bullying

I think some fathers can be too concerned with making their sons "real men" meaning they can't show emotions and should resort to violence when necessary. This hypermasculinity thing is ridiculous in my opinion. I think it's getting a bit better now, but I recently heard someone at my church saying that boys shouldn't play with dolls. Seriously? I'm a girl who never liked dolls, and my youngest brother liked them. He is not gay or trans. Liking dolls and not liking sports doesn't make someone less of a man.

I actually think it's a bit easier for girls, because we're allowed to wear pants and play sports and other traditional "boy" things without being made to feel bad about it. But boys who do not fit traditional gender roles are called "sissies".

I do think my generation is getting better at it though. There are stay-at-home dads and single dads who are the primary caregivers for their children. And I heard they are starting to put diaper changing tables in men's bathrooms, which i think is a positive step.
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