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Old 09-28-2018, 11:49 PM #1
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Exclamation Finally seeing it for what it is

My partner has physical and mental health illnesses and I have ignored a lot because of that a good example would be something like..... I put a dirty cup in the sink instead of by the sink he hits the roof is angry as hell will start shouting at me telling me all the things that I do wrong and have ever done wrong in his opinion. He'll often start calling me names and insulting me and twists things to make me feel that he is my victim. Things can continue like this for several hours and at times I have literally been on the floor crying my eyes out with him stood over me continuing his angry ranting. He'll also wake me up to be able to shout at me, tells me to get out of his site or his house etc but has this way of twisting things so I have to apologize to him.

His latest is telling me I am controlling, have taken away his life skills and that I plot behind his back with my mother.

But I am beginning to see that I don't deserve to be treated this way
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Old 09-30-2018, 11:25 AM #2
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But I am beginning to see that I don't deserve to be treated this way
That is the beginning of the Light when You begin to see You don't deserve to be treated like this! I am assuming that You know that Your partner is BPD.

Have You studied BPD? What are the symptoms? My SO is uNPD and it helps me to study NPD symptoms and when he starts to rant then I go through the symptoms list and Say to Myself things like "He is raging to get control." "He is triangulating me with My mother" [/COLOR]

It sounds like You are starting to get out of the fog. That is a big improvement! Give Yourself some credit!

My NPD USED TO keep me awake during the night ranting...That is considered TORTURE You do know that right? You need to find someplace safe to go when that happens. Is there a door that You can lock to keep the BPD out? You might just tell the BPD that it is torture to do that and put a boundary down for that behavior.

I don't know a lot about BPD but I have read that IF YOU try and soothe
them it helps. Have You tried that? With NPDs they like to give pain. I THINK with BPD they feel like they are being discarded and go off on that. So, IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT...You could tell them How Much You love them and How You want to be with them.
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Old 09-30-2018, 12:30 PM #3
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Default Re: Finally seeing it for what it is

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Originally Posted by BDPpartner View Post
My partner has physical and mental health illnesses and I have ignored a lot because of that a good example would be something like..... I put a dirty cup in the sink instead of by the sink he hits the roof is angry as hell will start shouting at me telling me all the things that I do wrong and have ever done wrong in his opinion. He'll often start calling me names and insulting me and twists things to make me feel that he is my victim. Things can continue like this for several hours and at times I have literally been on the floor crying my eyes out with him stood over me continuing his angry ranting. He'll also wake me up to be able to shout at me, tells me to get out of his site or his house etc but has this way of twisting things so I have to apologize to him.

His latest is telling me I am controlling, have taken away his life skills and that I plot behind his back with my mother.

But I am beginning to see that I don't deserve to be treated this way
This is clearly abuse. No matter what mental illness diagnosis that your partner has, itís not an excuse to treat you like this. Playing a victim, trying to make us feel guilty for their faults, is a common tactic used by abusers to keep their victims under their control. Those bad things he accused you for doing are the reflections of bad things that he actually is doing to you. I suggest to read more about psychological abuse so youíll be more aware of your situation. Here are some links that I found :

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Recognizing the Signs of an Abusive Relationship and Getting Help

21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Signs of an abusive relationship | Abuse and violence | ReachOut Australia

You are right, you donít deserve to be treated that way. No one deserves to be treated that way. Hope youíll get out of this situation soon
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Old 09-30-2018, 12:36 PM #4
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Originally Posted by keepontrucking View Post
That is the beginning of the Light when You begin to see You don't deserve to be treated like this! I am assuming that You know that Your partner is BPD.

Have You studied BPD? What are the symptoms? My SO is uNPD and it helps me to study NPD symptoms and when he starts to rant then I go through the symptoms list and Say to Myself things like "He is raging to get control." "He is triangulating me with My mother" [/COLOR]

It sounds like You are starting to get out of the fog. That is a big improvement! Give Yourself some credit!

My NPD USED TO keep me awake during the night ranting...That is considered TORTURE You do know that right? You need to find someplace safe to go when that happens. Is there a door that You can lock to keep the BPD out? You might just tell the BPD that it is torture to do that and put a boundary down for that behavior.

I don't know a lot about BPD but I have read that IF YOU try and soothe
them it helps. Have You tried that? With NPDs they like to give pain. I THINK with BPD they feel like they are being discarded and go off on that. So, IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT...You could tell them How Much You love them and How You want to be with them.
Itís good that you can somehow manage to handle your partnerís symptoms. Iím just concerned here. One thing that I know for sure, no matter how hard we try to help our partner, they wonít get better if they donít want to put the same efforts. I hope your partner is also giving the same effort to manage his symptoms.
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Old 09-30-2018, 12:50 PM #5
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Default Re: Finally seeing it for what it is

[QUOTE=BDPpartner;6285845]My partner has physical and mental health
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Itís good that you can somehow manage to handle your partnerís symptoms. Iím just concerned here. One thing that I know for sure, no matter how hard we try to help our partner, they wonít get better if they donít want to put the same efforts. I hope your partner is also giving the same effort to manage his symptoms.
No, not so much...NPDs don't like to admit they have a problem...These are just tricks I have learned along the way
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Old 10-02-2018, 11:53 PM #6
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Itís good that you can somehow manage to handle your partnerís symptoms. Iím just concerned here. One thing that I know for sure, no matter how hard we try to help our partner, they wonít get better if they donít want to put the same efforts. I hope your partner is also giving the same effort to manage his symptoms.
My partner will admit that he is has BPD and that he needs help to be able to learn to cope better but he doesn't admit that his behaviour towards me is wrong. His father treated him, his mother and siblings in a similar way and before that his grandmother treated her husband and family the same way.

I get support from my parents and a monthly carers group but I can't open up to them about everything that goes on
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Old 10-03-2018, 07:03 AM #7
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That is verbal abuse, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. No one deserves abuse.

When is starts the abuse, walk away, leave the room, if you have to, go outside. Verbal abuse is like having rocks thrown at you, and you would never stand there and let someone do that to you. Do not respond; they/he doesnt' care what you think or feel.
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Old 10-03-2018, 11:41 AM #8
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Default Re: Finally seeing it for what it is

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Originally Posted by BDPpartner View Post
My partner will admit that he is has BPD and that he needs help to be able to learn to cope better but he doesn't admit that his behaviour towards me is wrong. His father treated him, his mother and siblings in a similar way and before that his grandmother treated her husband and family the same way.

I get support from my parents and a monthly carers group but I can't open up to them about everything that goes on
Why canít you open up to them?
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Old 10-04-2018, 01:40 AM #9
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Why canít you open up to them?
I've never been able to open up !

There has only been perhaps 2 maybe 3 at most that can see through the painted on smile but even with them I just couldn't, can't open up fully. Apparently even as a very young child I was the same, my mother told me that I had a rag doll that was eventually named ' Agro Doll ' as even before I could speak I used to punch, kick and jump up and down on it until I was exhausted
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Old 10-04-2018, 12:29 PM #10
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I've never been able to open up !

There has only been perhaps 2 maybe 3 at most that can see through the painted on smile but even with them I just couldn't, can't open up fully. Apparently even as a very young child I was the same, my mother told me that I had a rag doll that was eventually named ' Agro Doll ' as even before I could speak I used to punch, kick and jump up and down on it until I was exhausted
Iím sorry, I know it can be hard to open up especially when youíre not used to it You can always open up here though as we are anonymous in this forum
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