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Old 05-18-2018, 11:24 AM   #1
clydeblack
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Post Forced to stay in contact with abuser

Hey guys, I would love it if anyone has tips for this problem.

I am financially unable to sustain myself and am forced to stay in contact with my emotionally abusive dad. He also abused (and continues to harass) my Mom physically and emotionally. I have two brothers, one of which refuses to speak to him at all. He owes us 60 000 euros in child support, which accumulates because he never pays.

This leaves my Mom alone and upset. So, I'm forced to remain in contact with him and he continues to be psychologically manipulative. This makes it hard to be in therapy because the problem won't go away. The doctors say I have PTSD, but it might be Complex PTSD.

Basically, I am forced to talk to him even though he always says the same thing (that he doesn't have money) and it just feels useless. I also don't like having to go through trauma again and again. I can't leave my Mom alone in the situation because it just makes her unhappy. I'm not sure she understands how hard it is for me to talk to my dad. She knows of him as an ex-husband, but he is different as a dad. He makes me feel like I'm materialistic and neglectful of him.

Any ideas on what to do?
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Old 05-19-2018, 06:26 PM   #2
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I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions to offer. But I wanted to just leave a reply letting you know I read your post & I wish you well...
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:02 PM   #3
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Whoa whoa whoa.

You need money, but you contact him and receive no money?

BS. Stop contacting him. Don't play that game. Bye Felicia
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Old 05-20-2018, 06:24 PM   #4
clydeblack
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Whoa whoa whoa.

You need money, but you contact him and receive no money?

BS. Stop contacting him. Don't play that game. Bye Felicia
I guess my issue is that I need written proof for lawyers to know that I am actively contacting him for money he owes us:/ The justice system isn't very good in my country, for women especially. Suppose there's not much I can do. Hopefully things will clear up later in life.
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Old 05-20-2018, 06:27 PM   #5
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I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions to offer. But I wanted to just leave a reply letting you know I read your post & I wish you well...
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Old 05-20-2018, 06:31 PM   #6
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What country are you in? Record a phone conversation where he refuses to send cash.
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Old 05-20-2018, 07:23 PM   #7
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Maybe the burden is on him for not having proof of having paid money?

If the burden is on you to request the money, repeatedly, then send him a certified (return receipt requested) letter asking for the monies to be paid. Keep copies and copies of your postal receipts, etc.

Who is enforcing this court order?
Has your mother reported this refusal to pay to the court?

I understand why you try to help; it just sounds like you are spinning your tires AND getting hurt.


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Old 05-21-2018, 11:02 AM   #8
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I'm so sorry to read this. I've been there.

I know that you don't want to be in this situation and it's very emotionally taxing. Just keep working your way towards financial independence in the meantime. Keep chipping away at it. You will get there -- I did. And then you can do whatever you want.

You may never get the money he owes in child support, but you WILL stand on your own two feet one day.
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Old 05-25-2018, 09:20 PM   #9
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Thanks for all of your responses. I was able to figure something out with my therapist. I appreciate your help!
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Old 06-13-2018, 08:56 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clydeblack View Post
Hey guys, I would love it if anyone has tips for this problem.

I am financially unable to sustain myself and am forced to stay in contact with my emotionally abusive dad. He also abused (and continues to harass) my Mom physically and emotionally. I have two brothers, one of which refuses to speak to him at all. He owes us 60 000 euros in child support, which accumulates because he never pays.

This leaves my Mom alone and upset. So, I'm forced to remain in contact with him and he continues to be psychologically manipulative. This makes it hard to be in therapy because the problem won't go away. The doctors say I have PTSD, but it might be Complex PTSD.

Basically, I am forced to talk to him even though he always says the same thing (that he doesn't have money) and it just feels useless. I also don't like having to go through trauma again and again. I can't leave my Mom alone in the situation because it just makes her unhappy. I'm not sure she understands how hard it is for me to talk to my dad. She knows of him as an ex-husband, but he is different as a dad. He makes me feel like I'm materialistic and neglectful of him.

Any ideas on what to do?
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I am in a similar situation myself.
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