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Old 07-19-2009, 12:04 AM   #1
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Elysium had a good idea about posting a sticky thread for links to articles regarding abuse.

Here is her link to an article describing covert sexual abuse.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Sexual-Abu...orms&id=382309

Please folks, be aware that some of the information may be quite triggering, so please enter and read with self care in mind.

If anyone else would like to post links that you found helpful and would like to share them with the community, please feel free to do so.


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Old 07-19-2009, 03:43 AM   #2
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Sabby,

Thank you for posting this sticky for us.

To everyone else....I know this is not something anyone really enjoys reading, or talking about. I do hope it can help survivors of abuse to validate their experiences and provide a place were people with questions can come to learn.

Take care all....
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Old 07-22-2009, 02:16 AM   #3
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for those in abusive relationships... this is a very eye opening read too... scroll down.. and explore the whole site.. it changed my world
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html
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“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here.
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Old 07-22-2009, 12:04 PM   #4
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Thank you, Sabby and Elysium, for posting this article....
but I am confused by part of it....

TRIGGER WARNING




One of the examples of subtle or 'covert' SA is:

Quote:
seemingly innocuous touching, wrestling, tickling or playing, which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person
How can you possibly know if the "seemingly innocuous touching" had sexual overtones or meaning for the other person? Especially if it is 30 years after the fact? But even during the touching.....how do you really know the thoughts and intent of another person?

Thanks to anyone who can help with an answer,
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Old 07-22-2009, 06:19 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ktgirl View Post
How can you possibly know if the "seemingly innocuous touching" had sexual overtones or meaning for the other person? Especially if it is 30 years after the fact? But even during the touching.....how do you really know the thoughts and intent of another person?
You can't. None of this is black and white, or rarely is. One of the biggest hurdles in this stuff is discovering that you have to decide for yourself based on evidence... both concrete and circumstantial. You have to find your truth and then believe in it.. it's not easy.

you can't know what is in someone's mind.. MY T said that if you hit me you may not be intending to hurt me but if you do hit me the chances are that you probably are trying to hurt me. Something in it made a lot of sense.. we feel the energy of those around us, anger, sexual, everything... we sort of sense things. There is an awkwardness that most children will pick up on.. that somethnig isn't right. Small kids wouldn't even know some things are wrong.. but there is soemthing in it that makes them feel it is wrong somehow.

dont know if this helps

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“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here.

Last edited by little*rhino; 07-22-2009 at 06:22 PM.. Reason: i dont need a reason
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Old 07-22-2009, 07:09 PM   #6
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TY Little Rhino........
it helps.
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Old 12-25-2009, 12:31 AM   #7
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WOW. Thank you for posting that.

TRIGGER WARNING

"In his seminal essay, "Understanding the Batterer in Visitation and Custody Disputes", Lundy Bancroft sums up the asymmetry in favor of the offender: "Batterers ... adopt the role of a hurt, sensitive man who doesn't understand how things got so bad and just wants to work it all out 'for the good of the children.' He may cry ... and use language that demonstrates considerable insight into his own feelings. He is likely to be skilled at explaining how other people have turned the victim against him, and how she is denying him access to the children as a form of revenge ... He commonly accuses her of having mental health problems, and may state that her family and friends agree with him ... that she is hysterical and that she is promiscuous. The abuser tends to be comfortable lying, having years of practice, and so can sound believable when making baseless statements. The abuser benefits ... when professionals believe that they can "just tell" who is lying and who is telling the truth, and so fail to adequately investigate.
Because of the effects of trauma, the victim of battering will often seem hostile, disjointed, and agitated, while the abuser appears friendly, articulate, and calm. Evaluators are thus tempted to conclude that the victim is the source of the problems in the relationship."


I cannot even begin to say how completely accurate this statement is concerning what my ex is doing to me AND his other child's mother.

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Old 01-11-2010, 10:13 PM   #8
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Both of you you have had a good idea to gather the links here so they could be also find easily and maybe also checked and/or searched for their relevance:

http://www.vachss.com/help_text/index.html

On the above site - that I think it's one of the best on the topic, I have read a lot about abuse. There, I read also an article about an organization that was supposed to help the abused ones but that actually did the contrary...

Here is another link that I found on a recent posted thread; I think it's a good one too:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showp...23&postcount=1


Quote:
Originally Posted by _sabby_ View Post
Elysium had a good idea about posting a sticky thread for links to articles regarding abuse.

Here is her link to an article describing covert sexual abuse.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Sexual-Abu...orms&id=382309

Please folks, be aware that some of the information may be quite triggering, so please enter and read with self care in mind.

If anyone else would like to post links that you found helpful and would like to share them with the community, please feel free to do so.


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Old 01-24-2010, 12:52 PM   #9
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I just wanted to add this. It's not an article, it's a manual you can download for free.. reading through it, it is very helpful.

http://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:49 PM   #10
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Elysium, thank you for suggesting the idea of posting links for articles about abuse, and
sabby, thank you for posting that link about covert sexual abuse.
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