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Unread 04-11-2017, 04:15 AM   #11
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

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Originally Posted by shakespeare47 View Post
I told some people when I was in my 20's and 30's and didn't like the reaction I got (I'm 50 now). I got a lot of "it wasn't as bad as you think.. everyone thinks their childhood is messed up... you're just exaggerating." (I've even had more than one counselor express this same attitude towards me when I tried to talk about it).

I sometimes wish I had said something like, "Oh really? How many times did you see your dad punch and stomp on your mom?" and "How many times did your mom ask you to call the police because she was afraid your dad was going to hurt her again?" I don't even like to recall the nasty mind games my dad played on my mom... or the nasty things they said to and about each other, either to us, or in our presence. I still find it hard to even write about the abuse I personally suffered.

In some ways I think I probably look like I'm doing okay. But, I do struggle with just being civil with people at times.

And unfortunately, the average person with whom I'm acquainted is pretty heartless when it comes to how they respond to victims of childhood abuse.

I still feel traumatized in many ways... and feel a lot of confusion about how to deal with my memories and feelings about my childhood. I'm not even sure if I should talk about it more, or just concentrate on what I can do to make myself a better person today.

Anyway, do you consider yourself to be relatively successful in life, and do you tell people about the abuse?

i had some of the same. I was in group therapy a few years back, and felt i needed to share stuff from the past. As usual, i probably started out by minimising it myself, which in turn lead them to minimise it too. That made me really angry, even though it was my own fault and i clammed up. I have only again recently started to divulge it to a new therapist. She reacted well i thought and said she was sorry it had happened, and that it explained a lot about how ive been over the years
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Unread 04-11-2017, 04:38 AM   #12
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

I made similiar experiences when I tried to tell people in my younger years, but nobody believed me really, so I eventually stopped.

It was only recently when I found an online 12 step program for adult children of alcholiics that includes adult children of dysfunctional families. They all share similiar stories and they are the first ones ever who understand me fully. It was (and still is) very moving for me. They understand me better than any therapist I tried.

From my personal experience it is about the best thing to do: search peers who made similiar experiences.
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Unread 04-11-2017, 06:40 AM   #13
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

I never told anyone, not until a month after I got an account on PC, so starting a year ago. I've shared some with my fiance, some with a friend, another friend just knows because we grew up together (even though I did and still hide a lot of what happened to me while we were growing up) and then another friend I've told the most to but still not everything and very, very rarely in any kind of detail. I have started telling my T about more than just the original trauma that put me in psychiatric care.
Do I have a successful life? No. I really don't and I haven't been able to move past where I currently am. Though, I am in my early twenties so I have some time, theoretically.
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Unread 04-11-2017, 07:51 AM   #14
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

I have shared the abuse many times. It is amazinghow many people experienced the same thing.
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Unread 04-11-2017, 09:33 AM   #15
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

I share my experiences as often as I can. I do a lot of activism for homeless/elderly/LGBT groups, and I entwine it in that. One of the major reasons I share so much, is because I was once told "That doesn't happen to Black kids!" By a very angry Black man. Our experiences aren't believed as it is. Put our ethnicity on top of that, and nobody wants to talk about it. Recently I made a zine https://writteninshadows.files.wordp...g-csa-zine.pdf that you can read for free about some of my experiences. I think it's really important to be "out" but only if you are safe to do so. I've personally done my time with secrets. I don't want to hide ever again!
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Unread 04-11-2017, 11:47 AM   #16
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

When I was working through all the abuse in therapy I felt like I needed to tell anyone that would listen.I was in so much emotional pain that I guess I just wanted to get it out of me,stop keeping it secret.

I don't really talk about it to anyone anymore though.It feels too personal and private now for some reason.And I guess I want to be seen as more than what I went through,I am way more than my past.

It used to be the most major part of my identity,the woman who was so severely abused as a child,but now,it's just a small portion of my identity,if that makes sense,and I just don't really talk about it much anymore.
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Unread 04-17-2017, 06:01 PM   #17
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

no matter how many times I share or that people ask. its like reliving the awful unnessities of that time. I don't want to relive it but people often ask why I moved or why I did this or that. Stop asking I tell them enough, but I have often shared how I feel with complete strangers, its easier then professionals.
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Unread 04-18-2017, 10:01 AM   #18
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

I just started sharing this year. I've told 6 people or so. I love talking about it, because everyone has been so compasionate. The exact opposite of the lies they tried to tell me that I "deserved" it.
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Unread 04-18-2017, 05:27 PM   #19
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Default Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

I have only shared anecdotes of my past abuse with women in a DBT support group; women in a regular psychotherapy group; 1 friend in high school (we lost touch), 2 friends in college (also lost touch with each other), and 1 ex-boyfriend.

The only people of those groups, who didn't treat me differently after I told them, who provided me with emotional support and real empathy were the two women therapy groups I attended for a few weeks. The friend in high school called me a "drama queen" (total narcissist move on her part, in retrospect, to say that to me), the two friends in college stopped inviting me out socially after I shared anecdotes from my past about my parents, at my father's funeral (they could have abandoned me due to his funeral, because people tend to abandon people at funerals), and the ex-boyfriend didn't really listen because he is/was a true narcissist and was cheating on me with another woman.

My point being?

Don't talk to people about your past abuse, unless you are 100% CERTAIN it won't change the dynamics of your relationship with them. But if there's any doubt, any second guessing, then don't confide in that person. Most people can't handle the truth, and once you confide in them about your truth, there's a high chance they'll react by shunning you. I can only speak from my personal experiences of having been shunned, anytime I've shared personal information with so-called friends. I have two best friends who live in another country, whom I haven't shared my childhood abuse anecdotes with, because as much as we trust each other, I know for a fact that they would judge me then shun me, because they only have stars in their eyes for their mom and dad, and have difficulty believing that anyone could have terrible parents.
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Unread 04-20-2017, 02:15 PM   #20
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Arrow Re: How Often Do You Share Stories of Your Abuse in Real Life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cielpur View Post

Don't talk to people about your past abuse, unless you are 100% CERTAIN it won't change the dynamics of your relationship with them. But if there's any doubt, any second guessing, then don't confide in that person. Most people can't handle the truth, and once you confide in them about your truth, there's a high chance they'll react by shunning you.
Really a good advice! I second that!
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