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Old 01-09-2019, 11:39 PM   #1
ennie
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Default Self-care and the guilt factor

How do you stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with demanding people to take care of yourself? How do you maintain a self-confidence in your compassionate ability even when they try to make you feel guilty?
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Old 01-10-2019, 12:42 AM   #2
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Default Re: Self-care and the guilt factor

An option is to not try to stop feeling guilty.

That option is to go ahead and do the right thing, even though you feel guilty.

You can do the right thing even though you lack self-confidence in your choice and even though you feel guilty.

We canít control our feelings in the moment, but we can choose to do the right thing.
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Old 01-11-2019, 12:09 AM   #3
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Default Re: Self-care and the guilt factor

That's an important question Ennie. And I wish I had a simple answer!

I would suggest breaking the thoughts down step by step in each situation and challenging the thoughts in your own mind..."I feel guilty because I set a boundary with ________ which I had a right to do because boundaries help people to feel safe. If I ignore boundaries, that is not good for me or for _______ so I am doing the right thing here. If ________ is not okay with my limits, then that is for him/her to deal with on their own time. I'm not going to spend more time thinking of it. Instead I will go and _______ (whatever brings you comfort or joy)"

Perhaps it could help you to investigate the roots of your guilt. Hint: the person(s) who raised you. Is/was guilt a factor in that relationship? An experienced therapist could be really helpful there.

When I am struggling with an unpleasant or confusing feeling, I find guided meditation very helpful. If you are interested, you can try going to YouTube with a search for 'guided meditation for dealing with guilt' or 'guided meditation for empowerment.' Lots of wonderful options.

Peace and healing energy to you
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Old 01-11-2019, 12:21 AM   #4
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Default Re: Self-care and the guilt factor

Another possible way to think about it...

everything begins with the Self. Being kind and gentle and understanding with the Self (and the Self's need for boundaries) is the foundation for any healthy attachment to another person. We honor and protect the Self first; after that we can share and honor others The other way around does not go well...I have lived through that myself...I needed to love myself first before I supported others.
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Old 01-11-2019, 10:42 AM   #5
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Default Re: Self-care and the guilt factor

My counselor knows I am on PC, so I will bring your suggestions up at our next session.
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