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Old 06-27-2018, 01:29 PM   #1
Helmus
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Default Comparing myself to everyone

I've been starting to realize that my biggest problem is that I constantly compare myself to, well, basicely everyone.

Around me people seem all to be more succesfull. But also strangers I'm constantly focussing on achievements they already have and I don't. It makes me feel very bad and insecure about myself, but I can't stop it. It's constantly in my head. Like I have to compare all the time. It's like I'm always looking for someone who is not better than me, but it's difficult to find.

I'm looking for ways to stop this behaviour. I already know that you should not compare yourself to others, especially at my age because everyone lives their lifes differently. But it's like I want my life to be perfect and through other people I always realize my life has many flaws.

It's become an obession. How can I stop this? Any advise? Does this make me a bad person?
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Old 06-27-2018, 02:34 PM   #2
eskielover
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Default Re: Comparing myself to everyone

You said in another post that you are an MD in europe. The education & training you went through is far beyond what most others do. It us tiugh to compair to others of your status especially when they are specialists in tjeir own areas & their lives reflect the speciality they are involved it. I am sure some have successful relationships & othets not depending on how much of life they have dedicated to their career.

Compairing is one thing. It can keep us up to date in our careers. Compairing with ENVY is a whole other ball game & never has a good ending.

I think a conscious effort to think on what yiu do & what you have & BE THANKFUL is one good way if countering those thoughts.
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Old 06-27-2018, 03:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: Comparing myself to everyone

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Compairing is one thing. It can keep us up to date in our careers. Compairing with ENVY is a whole other ball game & never has a good ending.
I think for me envy is starting to become a problem. It's not always that bad, but lately it is. Doubt about carreer choices might be part of it. Regret of decisions in the past. Frustrations about my mental health (in the past).

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I think a conscious effort to think on what yiu do & what you have & BE THANKFUL is one good way if countering those thoughts.
That sounds indeed more productive than my way of thinking. It's weird that it's such a difficult thing to do. Or at least for me. For me it's never good enough I guess.
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Old 06-27-2018, 04:17 PM   #4
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It's not easy & it does take focus especially if surrounded by things that make you think negatively.

What helped me was that I left the marriage & the environment & moved somewhere totally new onto a farm I bought in the country. For me, being surrounded by nature brings out the happiness in me anyway. That move opened a door for me to see life in a positive way....even when bad things have happened. I am in a nasty divorce right now but focusing on my positive point if view is getting me through this well even though it is an across the country battle & I feel a peace in spite of it all rather than allowing my anger & regret of ever meeting him whuch would just create bitterness.
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“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
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Old 06-27-2018, 11:54 PM   #5
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I changed most of my life four years ago when I was depressed. It helped a lot and many things have gone better since then. But now I'm not in the position to change so much.

I'm sick and tired of my own behavior. I find it so difficult to change and just be grateful and happy.

I have great respect for how you changed your life.
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Old 06-28-2018, 12:41 AM   #6
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I had 2 years of intense DBT group therapy after I moved. I was dealing with PTSD, anorexia, major depression & anxiety at the time I moved....it all improved after the move but learning new skills & reprogramming my neural pathways that jyst weren't working for me any longer. Looking back they weren't working well for me even during my computer engineering career & totally broke when I had a breakdown 13 years before I could get out of the marriage. Changing those neural pathways changes behavior though honestly I don't think they could have been changed if I had stayed living in that environment & I doubt I would even be alive now if I had stayed.....so the change has really been a miracle in my life.
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:36 PM   #7
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Default Re: Comparing myself to everyone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helmus View Post
I've been starting to realize that my biggest problem is that I constantly compare myself to, well, basicely everyone.

Around me people seem all to be more succesfull. But also strangers I'm constantly focussing on achievements they already have and I don't. It makes me feel very bad and insecure about myself, but I can't stop it. It's constantly in my head. Like I have to compare all the time. It's like I'm always looking for someone who is not better than me, but it's difficult to find.

I'm looking for ways to stop this behaviour. I already know that you should not compare yourself to others, especially at my age because everyone lives their lifes differently. But it's like I want my life to be perfect and through other people I always realize my life has many flaws.

It's become an obession. How can I stop this? Any advise? Does this make me a bad person?
Sorry you are going through this. No, it doesn't make you a bad person. I think all of us have a tendency to compare ourselves to others but when it becomes to an obsession, it may be good to reach out to a therapist. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy without realizing God make us all different for a reason. There is only one you and no one else can be you but you. Well wishes, take care!
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Old 06-29-2018, 12:09 AM   #8
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Default Re: Comparing myself to everyone

After summer I'm going to start looking for a therapist. I think it's needed and I'm ready to invest time and money in that.

It's too tiring as an obsession. I can't continue living like this. I'm very much influenced by the way other people think about me.

I'm not a very religious person anymore. I never got God's intentions. I hope God has the best intentions for all of us.
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Old 07-03-2018, 02:24 PM   #9
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Default Re: Comparing myself to everyone

Helmus just wanted to say I totally identify with what you've written. I'm also a doctor and terrible at constantly comparing myself. Someone else is always cleverer, a better doctor, more beautiful, slimmer, better dressed etc. I'm working on all of this in therapy though but it's hard work.
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Old 07-04-2018, 07:16 AM   #10
Helmus
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Default Re: Comparing myself to everyone

Quote:
Originally Posted by stormyisland View Post
Helmus just wanted to say I totally identify with what you've written. I'm also a doctor and terrible at constantly comparing myself. Someone else is always cleverer, a better doctor, more beautiful, slimmer, better dressed etc. I'm working on all of this in therapy though but it's hard work.
Thank you for the reply. I think what I find difficult is that I always feel that I can't compare in succes with my other colleagues, who seem to be more succesfull and better in the things they're doing. It's not jealousy, it's just that I don't feel good enough.
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