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Old 01-20-2019, 04:48 PM   #131
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Thanks for the welcome and the link KnitChick. Did you get the work book? I signed up for the site.

I think it will take very deliberate actions or thoughts to change. Maybe even acceptance of myself and being curious why I think some things. I am very much beginning a work in progress as we all are.

Hi Possum, yes, I have her book Self Compassion. I'm glad I have it as a resource. I like her website too though. And I must admit, I have not read or looked at the book or website in a while. I have been doing a lovingkindness meditation in the mornings, and thats sort of dwindled too. I think writing this is a good reminder to get back at it.



Yes, I agree with you about deliberate actions. YES, acceptance of yourself and curiosity about your thoughts is great! I have learned that while accepting something does not always mean you approve, it does bring me closer to peace.



Yes. We are all a work in progress. Proud to be a work in progress over here!
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Old 01-20-2019, 05:02 PM   #132
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Thank you! You're so kind The Self-Compassion Thread. I think it's a good idea to keep track of the little things we do to each day to take care of ourselves. I've been doing positive affirmations lately and now I'm trying to keep a journal where I write the things I'm grateful for.
That sounds interesting. Do you have any book recommendations?
I've struggled with feelings of guilt and shame my whole life... and unfortunately I went through a few bad experiences recently that triggered some stuff from the past. I want to be able to let go and stop blaming myself for things I can not control.
Thanks for your support I hope you're doing well
I like that you said this (what I bolded above), because the other day I was remembering something my therapist said to me. I was really upset and talking to her on the phone (I think it was in the spring or summer of last year), and I said "I don't feel empowered at all." It was very important for me to feel empowered. And she said "You may not feel empowered, but you are doing empowering things." And it's true, I was. Something had upset me, and while I was doing self care, I just couldn't feel happy. But the fact that she said that...helped. We don't always have to feel it, to know that we are doing something that helps. Or it can even just be something subtle. Sometimes we want instant results that feel good. I do. It's just not always how it is and I need to remember this! Gratitude is a wonderful tool, btw.

May, I have heard that Brene Brown is a good author for the topic of shame. I have read some of her things a while ago and have enjoyed them. There's a book called Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch. It talks about guilt in one of the chapters. It's a good book.

I'm sorry that you have been triggered lately. I think it would be wonderful for you to find a way to stop feeling so responsible and to let go and stop blaming yourself. Perhaps it will take some time, patience, and persistence on your part. Or maybe it will come like waves. Sometimes you'll be okay, other times not. That's how it is for me with my own issues. Sometimes i think it helps to just realize the distortion in thought. In DBT, we are taught to observe our thoughts, and not judge them. But just notice and label them, and then let them go. It's like mindfulness and meditation. It's a practice that you can cultivate as well.

One more book, if not to overwhelm you, is Loving-Kindness by Sharon Salzberg.
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Old 01-20-2019, 06:09 PM   #133
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One more book rec: The Self Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi PhD. It helped me when I was beginning to explore self esteem.
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Old 01-22-2019, 05:27 PM   #134
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@KnitChick Thank you for the book recommendations, I'll check them out!
It's funny that you mentioned Brene Brown. I haven't read anything by her yet, but I've seen her name a lot recently in psychology articles. Last week I saw one of her TED talks for the first time and I really enjoyed it.

I can definitely relate to what you said of "wanting instant results"... also, I feel like even when I accomplish something that I worked hard for, I often don't even enjoy it; because I immediately start thinking about what's the next thing I need to achieve.
I like what your therapist told you, it's so powerful. I think I'll keep that in mind next time I'm too busy thinking about the thingsI have left to do and not seeing how far I've come.

I had an appointment with my Pdoc yesterday and we talked about some of the things that were making me feel ashamed. It was hard to talk about but I'm feeling better now I'm also going to meditation classes every week (I went today) and it helps me feel more compassion towards myself and understand better the things that are bothering me. Today's class brought me a lot of clarity.
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Old 01-24-2019, 09:17 PM   #135
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Default Re: The Self-Compassion Thread

There is a video on self compassion that is interesting 2-Minute Tips: How to Practice Self-Compassion https://youtu.be/Qes9HoxfkE0
or this may work better YouTube


and a guided meditation, Self Acceptance--A Meditation for Confidence: YouTube

and self acceptance: Acceptance--A Mindfulness Attribute: YouTube
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:35 AM   #136
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I didn't get more than 4h of sleep last night and I'm struggling to concentrate. I had to change some of the plans I had for today because I couldn't bring myself to do much of it...
I'm feeling a little stressed and frustrated, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay and that I'll do better tomorrow.
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Old 01-28-2019, 12:33 PM   #137
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I didn't get more than 4h of sleep last night and I'm struggling to concentrate. I had to change some of the plans I had for today because I couldn't bring myself to do much of it...
I'm feeling a little stressed and frustrated, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay and that I'll do better tomorrow.
(((((May))))) Hugs to you, May. Maybe you need to rest today. It sounds like that's what you need. Please don't be hard on yourself. It will get better and you'll be ok.
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Old 01-28-2019, 12:34 PM   #138
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Good afternoon. I am resting. It's been such a struggle and I didn't go to my language class today. I'm all out of whack. But I'm listening to music and it feels good. It's sunny here. I'm glad for that.
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Old 02-12-2019, 05:10 PM   #139
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Default Re: The Self-Compassion Thread

While listening to the audiobook, Presence by Amy Cuddy, I heard this: Confidence is not about one-upping someone. It's about using your tools, not weapons.

Have a good day everyone. It's super cold and snowy here. It's icing out. Lol. Good day to stay in if you don't have to go out.
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