Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Mental Health Support > Anxiety, Panic and Phobias > Social Anxiety & Selective Mutism

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-27-2017, 11:01 AM   #1
Grand Member
mulan's Avatar
mulan Is paradoxical
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 750
My Mood:

5 yr Member
2,580 hugs
PC PoohBah!
Default There isn't any place for me

Not in life, not in the disease...
What I have goes beyond labels. I am writing here this time because I feel I need to share and I feel I need to hide. I am embarassed of myself, of my fear, of my behaviours and my decisions. If I ever had a true friend in my life I would turn their lifes in to a mess, because that is what I am. I can putt anyone off, I push people away from me as I am.

I could write anywhere else, but I feel embarassed about what people who had see my posts and already know a bit of my story will think. I feel embarassed of who I am, I can read criticism and disaproval in people's words and faces all the time. I can't trust anyone, it's beyond me, and I feel alone. People think I don't like them and that I am weird, but if I explained this to them they would find me even more weird. And I wouldn't be able to look at them again in shame.

There was this person that wanted to hang out with me, just the two. But I have to complicate every thing in my mind, I wanted and I didn't because is always awful. I made up a lot of scenarios in my mind for such a small simple thing. Because of my vague and sparse answears (online messages) he deduced I didn't want to go out, that probably I was trying to avoid him, whatever. Nothing is going to happen now, and it makes me feel safe, but at the same time I made such a fool of myself. He is a nice person, not threatening, but even so I was stressed.

So he must think I don't like him as a person or that I am very weird, or both. And I am mad at me.
mulan is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

Old 04-27-2017, 07:40 PM   #2
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Minne-apple
Posts: 13,441 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
9,522 hugs
PC PoohBah!
Unhappy Re: There isn't any place for me

"Confess your hidden faults. Approach what you find repulsive. Help those you think you cannot help. Anything you are attached to, let it go. Go to places that scare you." (Advice, from her teacher, to the Tibetan yogini, Machig Labdrön)

"In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion." Machig Labdrön, Tibet, 11th Century
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 01-24-2018, 05:47 AM   #3
mote.of.soul's Avatar
mote.of.soul has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,084 (SuperPoster!)
926 hugs
Default Re: There isn't any place for me

Hi mulan. I can see you posted this months ago, but just wanted to say I can relate to every word as if I was the one saying them, thank you. There's a certain comfort in knowing I'm not alone but, as you know, you still have to face each day and...the people [oh, dear]. I blew it with my last real life friend as well - it's been a real learning curve. A very, very long learning curve that's still curving up and up and around - I can't see the end of it. I'm not the full quid. Just feeling really empty today, disillusioned, but I know the hope will return once my emotions settle a bit more. Just want you to know you're not alone as well.
mote.of.soul is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:25 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.


HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines