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Unread 07-15-2017, 08:12 PM   #11
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Default Re: Male With Ultra Feminine Feelings

Quote:
Originally Posted by CindyRenee' View Post
Hello,

Ever since puberty I have had intense feminine feelings that have occupied nearly every thought for close to 27 years. Yes I am male. I am married with 3 children. Wife very unsympathetic and cold to this issue. I have internet addictions and do not have a personal PC. I became aware of my feelings and attractions to feminine clothing at 12 or 13. I tried hard to be the cool jock like my older brothers, I played football and wrestling, though I secretly longed to wear a prom gown. I regularly snuck into mom's lingerie , pantyhose, dress, and heels right up until I left home at 22. I had a roomate so I kept my stash of stolen lingerie secret until 25. I lived by myself then, and I started putting together a small wardrobe. I began to shave my body in the winter months and paint my toe nails pink. I wore panties all the time and pantyhose and bra beneath during the winter. I always slept in silk or satin lingerie with breast forms, wig, and perfume. I gave into sweet surrender and finally began to accept and explore my feminine feelings that I had been so ashamed of for soo long, the feelings that I tried so hard to bury and hide. Finally, I emersed myself into my feminine personna as Renee; for a complete week per month due to my schedule. As I delved deeper I began to experiment with cosmetics, wig styles, and I began to wear a maxi-pad in my panties or yes, even a tampon with I kept in my leather handbag with my Virginia Slims and make-up. In 1997 I began to hook-up with men through a singles mag. Just oral, no penetration. I met my wife in 2000 and she was ok at first with my dressing. After becoming pregnant she wanted no more of it. I struggled hard with my compulsions. I turned to the internet and began frequenting site about sissy maids and sissy brides. I started to shop for bridesmaid gowns and weding dresses along with breastforms and wigs. Things went downhill in our relationship. Short story, no more internet. So I tried really hard to go butch for a while and raise our child, then another child came along. Still wrestle with the same old feelings. I became depressed, heart problems, and turned into a workaholic rather than spent time with a person who only loves 1/3 of me. I'm soo sick of acting like a guy, sick of dressing like a guy, and I HATE all this damn body hair!!! I feel like a gorilla innerbread with a caveman. IM soooo sick of acting like what everybody else expects me to be. It's not me... I'm a liar.

So what do you think? Am I a freak loser or what? I'm so ashamed of myself, I hat my life, I love my kids to death and don;t want to bvring shame of embarrassment to them.
I started at age 12 also, Listen this is a part of who you are, I tried stopping many times and always come back to dressing, my wife went to therapy and he said I would Never Change, it is part of who I am. Acceptance is a Big Key
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Unread 07-25-2017, 01:21 PM   #12
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Default Re: Male With Ultra Feminine Feelings

Hi Cindy ,

You , like other have mentioned , are not a freak !

In fact you might be more normal than you think , you have issues , you work through them as best you can , you have some plan at some point.

U R not alone ! Post here , or start journal therapy on your own and don`t look at the first entry until about 6 mo. have gone by , evaluate how you fee , then and now.

Having GD is not an illness or a condition , it`s just you trying to be you the best it can with a male body in the way , plain and simple.

Some never have the courage to speak out , be proud that you have that courage.

If you decide to make a transition , the younger the better , both physically and emotionally.

You have to be yourself or you will never be whole , believe me . going through like torn up on the inside is no fun.

U---- Go Girl !!!!

KP 
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