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Old 12-17-2017, 02:14 AM   #1
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Its been nearly 2 years with my partner and I haven't had an orgasm with him. I've tried something new tonight and even that didn't work. I don't like vibrators. I had two children that were very big so my vagina is loose but my partner doesn't have any problems having an orgasm with penetration. I almost never orgasm with penetration in the past. But I had several long relationships in the past and they all could make me come. I don't know whats wrong, he tries hard and I don't even focus on the need to orgassm but it's become beyond frustarting. I don't think theres any answers for me, but I can't leave him over this issue but I've become kind of angry about it.
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:14 PM   #2
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First of all are you on any meds that could be interfering? A lot of psych meds have this effect, including the ones I am on.

Secondly can you think outside the box for other things you could try? For instance my husband and I are into bdsm. We have a whole box of restraints and toys. I'm also a masochist and get off on pain. Not saying this is right for you, merely suggesting creativity.

Also can you get yourself off?
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: 2 years

Thank you for responding, and for your suggestions. I'm on meds but that isn't it, as I can get myself off. I have to resort to this after sex, I go into another room. I don't want to, but the frustation is too diffucult. I know that isn't going to fix what I want, because I know it makes him feel bad that he isn't able to satisfy me. No, bdsm isn't my thing but thanks for helping with an idea... I'll just keep trying to think of other ways. I can't help but think he just can't get the rythm and pressure right when he's touching me, but I've already gently guided him how to do it. Must be a mental blockage in my head.
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Old 12-18-2017, 04:01 AM   #4
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Default Re: 2 years

Can you masturbate while he penetrates you?
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Old 12-18-2017, 11:50 AM   #5
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Default Re: 2 years

Quote:
Originally Posted by disparaissant View Post
Thank you for responding, and for your suggestions. I'm on meds but that isn't it, as I can get myself off. I have to resort to this after sex, I go into another room. I don't want to, but the frustation is too diffucult. I know that isn't going to fix what I want, because I know it makes him feel bad that he isn't able to satisfy me. No, bdsm isn't my thing but thanks for helping with an idea... I'll just keep trying to think of other ways. I can't help but think he just can't get the rythm and pressure right when he's touching me, but I've already gently guided him how to do it. Must be a mental blockage in my head.
Do you talk to him while he's doing it? Tell him harder, faster, slower, that's perfect, etc? Also at this point you probably do have a mental block. 2 years of it not working has to take its toll. Can you try to relax. Maybe a little wine before. Perhaps watch porn during, if you're into that. Note I'm VERY open minded when it comes to sex, so do with my advice what you will.

I really believe that if you are comfortable with each other and keep trying, this is achievable!
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Old 12-19-2017, 07:23 PM   #6
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Default Re: 2 years

So just some ideas....bare with me.
Vaginas don’t really get loose unless you’re saying you had an episiotomy? Is this what you mean by loose?
Have you only ever had vaginal orgasms?
If you don’t like vibrators have you tried dildos or searched for other sex toys that may interest you....as well as your partner....there’s an ocean of them!

Most women do not have vaginal orgasms during sex. A very high percent. So what type of orgasm were you having before? Clitoral, body, vaginal, backside??

Why do you go into another room to masturbate? This is becoming a blackout area of communication & a wall is being formed over this issue. There’s hiding going on. Why don’t you stay in the room & show him how you masturbate? Maybe let him watch so he can see your breathing pattern, body language & movement which are key to understanding a female without the constant need for questions which can dampen the mood.

If you’ve already guided him....do it again. Try ‘edging’, where you reach a masturbating plateau & not let yourself orgasm. Then you start again. Show him how to do this which helps you build up your orgasm. It can be done for him too.

I’d also check the meds again. Even if you can orgasm it doesn’t mean that a med is not causing a side effect here hormonally or with your libido. MH drugs are notorious for that.
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Old 12-20-2017, 01:47 AM   #7
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Default Re: 2 years

Yes my vagina isn't normal at all, my babies were 9 and then 11 pounds, I tore so badly its a mess in there. Been to the doctor because I thought I had cancer. Anyways, he says it feels good enough so I can't worry about that.

Wow, thanks for these questions, you know what you're talking about. I had one vaginal orgasm in my life, guess I wasn't clear what I wrote, so I'm not looking for that to happen. I don't want a dildo, I want him, but I just want to either have him touch me and make me come before, during penetration, or after. If I masturbate afterwards I think that would be a turnoff to him. But I've never thought that was acceptable, in my head, I'd feel uncomfortable maybe, but yes, I think you got my answer. Why not. I guess I want him to do it for me and I have a thought I'd make him feel bad for touching msyelf.
I know maybe to others that's not normal thinking. I don't know what is normal for other people. I hide it, that's the problem!!, sorry, just having a light bulb going on and it feels great. I'm not going to hide that from him anymore. I'll try the guiding him again, and edging sounds like a good thing to try.....

Am I abnormal for thinking that touching myself during sex is wrong? I think I remember something that happened and thats why I think that way. I'm feeling so much better at the ideas, thanks so much Patagonia.
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Old 12-30-2017, 08:53 PM   #8
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Default Re: 2 years

Just reading this thread for the first time and it's 10 days since you last posted so I'm wondering if there is any update? And here are my thoughts: I think that mutual masturbation is one of the hottest things ever! I also think that most guys would love to see a woman touch themselves. Can you talk to him about this? If not, maybe you could type up something and give it to him? Good luck, I hope that it all works out!
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Old 12-31-2017, 06:56 AM   #9
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Default Re: 2 years

Touch yourself. He will love it and so will you.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:51 AM   #10
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Default Re: 2 years

I've tried all suggestions. It's him. He won't make any effort to please me. I feel done. Frustration will eat at me until I end this useless relationship.
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