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Unread 08-11-2017, 03:57 PM   #1
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Default Dealing with sex and no orgasms

I have been trying to come off of zoloft. I have notice a tremendous increase in ability to orgasm. I almost feel like I am 20 again!! I was on 100mg. I have been taking 50mg some nights, some nights I take nothing, it just depends how I feel.

I was with my partner last night and I thought for sure I was finally going to have an orgasm with him (in fact, I thought maybe I would have multiple ones!!) and I still could not!

He is very frustrated and by what he says to me I feel as if he will leave me soon. He doesn't understand why! He does not know about the antidepressants (I don't want to scare him away! He is a fairly new partner!)

Why do men think women have orgasms based on what THEY DO??? I don't want to hurt his ego but there is NOTHING he can do!. me orgasming depends on the time of day, how relaxed I am, if he seems into it, when last time I orgasmed was, etc.

Any advice on what to do?? I have been on and off antidepressants for years and even before being on them I had a hard time orgasming with men! (VERY easy myself!)
Help! I don't want to lose him.
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Unread 08-11-2017, 11:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: Dealing with sex and no orgasms

As far as I understood you can have an orgasm right now per se, but not during the intercourse. Is that correct? Did you ever have an orgasm with this particular man?
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Unread 08-12-2017, 05:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: Dealing with sex and no orgasms

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Originally Posted by JustJenny View Post
As far as I understood you can have an orgasm right now per se, but not during the intercourse. Is that correct? Did you ever have an orgasm with this particular man?
No, I have not had one yet with him. I think my problem is a combination of going solo for so long, just not relaxed enough and just being a woman in general (women don't orgasm as fast as men!) I am also in my 40's but my sex drive is still very high.

We also don't spend extended periods of time together (overnight)
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Unread 08-14-2017, 11:27 AM   #4
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Default Re: Dealing with sex and no orgasms

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... and just being a woman in general ...
I know exactly what you mean. I couldn't get there during sex for some years of being with my husband. It was pretty frustrating for the both of us. And then... Somebody had an idea of getting a small vibrator for me and it turned everything around immediately.

I took me years to understand that I do not get stimulated the right way during the intercourse. I tried to change positions, put a pillow under my butt and whatever else they suggest when you google tips for women during sex - nothing. My husband was getting pretty frustrated too, as you can imagine. We even bought a small cheap vibrator that did not do anything. I decided I was hopeless and there was nothing we could do about it.

Around a year ago from now for some reason I decided to buy a small external vibrator after reading some reviews. The moment I used it for the first time it made me realise that I had no idea about my body, it completely changes my understanding about how my body works. I am about 30. Since it was so small, my husband was not threatened by it and, surprise surprise, it worked on him as well. And when we put that thing in between us during sex... Well, I let you do the math.

Buying that little thing completely changed our sex life and it was definitely the best $50 we ever spent. I don't know how it works for other women, but in my case plain sex without "extra help" just doesn't work. Fortunately, this solution is pretty cheap and fun. Choosing a vibrator together is also a kind of fun project, at least my husband seems to enjoy it.

If you would like to know more about it, google "We Vibe Touch", that was the thing that put a start on my good sex life. There are also some video reviews on it on YouTube. Do not go for cheap ones, they will not work (well, they didn't in our case). There are also vibrators for couples, but we haven't tried those yet.
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Unread 08-14-2017, 04:48 PM   #5
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Default Re: Dealing with sex and no orgasms

I have used vibrators in the past (not really during sex) and yes they are good but the last time I tried it seemed very numbing and I think that is because of the sertraline! However, he did bring a vibrator into the bedroom for me. I used it a little but was afraid to for fear of becoming more numb. Coming off of sertraline I noticed has definatly stopped the numbing so hoping to try it again!
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Unread 08-18-2017, 07:38 AM   #6
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Default Re: Dealing with sex and no orgasms

I understand completely, I'm 38 and have never cum never mind had an orgasim with any partner. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex a lot and I can make myself orgasim or cum no problem. Women are more complicated when it comes to this and ur partner should be more understanding. He needs to get to know ur body more, what u like and experiment together and of course yes u need to be comfortable and relaxed. I have spoken to friends and some have said that it took the right partner and them taking through time to explore their body for it to happen. Vibrators are good but I found if ur using them for too long a period they do make u go numb and then I can't have sex as it is sore. Just wanted to let u know that ur not alone in this and u hope you find something that helps. I'll definitely be looking into the small vibrator and see if that helps me.
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