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Unread 08-08-2017, 08:06 AM   #1
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Default Suppressed Sexuality

Sex has grown to trigger humiliation in me after years of discord with my h. I just can't do it anymore.

I'm only 52, but I just want it to be over. What a sad way to end. I'm shut down.

I was happier when I slept with my baby blanket and pretended it was my bf. The fantasy was so satisfying even though it was my own hand.
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Unread 08-09-2017, 11:38 AM   #2
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

Great orgasm's are like winning a satisfying game. If you both win; it's great, everyone is excited for the next game. Some season's, only one person wins, when it's the same person over and over the game is no longer fun. Sometimes men make better lovers when they are high. That might break the ice. Please don't feel bad when you don't get there. Sometimes I can tell when it's not going to happen and it's not because of H. If I was doing it for myself it still might not even happen. And when I am taking less antianxiety meds, it happens more easily/more often. It's ok to be selfish and get more time than him--part of it is just accepting it/being willing to indulge yourself only/selfishly every once in a while for what seems like a long, long time.....
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Unread 08-09-2017, 12:36 PM   #3
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

Perhaps you are like the batter who has strike out for the longest time, now just stepping up to the plate is making you anxious....?
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Unread 08-09-2017, 01:18 PM   #4
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

If only i didnt have such a tiny elusive slippery little bat!
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Unread 08-09-2017, 09:25 PM   #5
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

I thought we were supposed to bond and satisfy each other. I was warm and cuddly, and wanted to be loved. Was I naive to think that's what marriage would be?

But right away, he got consumed with his stressful job. He was too angry and didn't have that playfulness that I thought he would have. He would just go to sleep, stressed out.

Then started me finding fault with him in bed. That was the fatal mistake.

Then we got into the pattern of neglect, fighting, then make up sex.

Then I stopped letting this happen any more.

We had a few good weeks before our anniversary. Magically, all was fine. But then it all turned to hell now.

Tonight he came home and we yelled at each other. I cried. Then we watched TV and he went to bed.

Maybe nothing will change. Maybe it will change soon. IDK
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Unread 08-09-2017, 11:52 PM   #6
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

Have you heard about that thing where a couple agrees to do it (or at least something!) every night for like a month? Speaking as a lonely old divorcee, if i had a man in my house, he'd have to lock me out!
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Unread 08-10-2017, 01:18 AM   #7
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

It sounds like you need to separate yourself from him and find a partner who isn't going to demean and humiliate you. Maybe it's time to see a personal therapist again. Not a couples therapist, or a family doctor or anything like that. I recommend you see a personal therapist who deals specifically with OCD and Somatic disorders.
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Unread 08-10-2017, 09:19 AM   #8
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

I can't believe how crazy this all was and still is! Looking back on the whole thing blows my mind.

I really thought marrying him was going to be fine.

Somehow I managed to have and raise three great kids and loved doing that even throughout this nightmare sexual/emotional experience.
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Unread 08-10-2017, 09:24 AM   #9
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Have you heard about that thing where a couple agrees to do it (or at least something!) every night for like a month? Speaking as a lonely old divorcee, if i had a man in my house, he'd have to lock me out!
We tried to just do it a long time ago. It didn't work. Yes, he gets erect when the wind blows, no problem with that. The problem is me. I can't get turned on by him without him actively turning me on. Just looking at him doesn't do it. He is a good looking guy, too!

Like a prostitute, I have gotten myself high and fantasized in order to seduce him. Isn't that sad? Now, I just can't stand to do that anymore. Maybe I should just go back to that. I am an old wh*re.
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Unread 08-10-2017, 09:32 AM   #10
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Default Re: Suppressed Sexuality

I only wanted sex to be passionate and satisfying. I'm not a particularly kinky person or S&M.

How did this all go so wrong?

We're just sexually incompatible. Two Subs, like my BDSM friend says.
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