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Unread 08-01-2017, 08:45 AM   #1
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Default Boyfriend has BP- Advice needed please

Hi,
I just wanted to introduce myself. My boyfriend of 6 months has BP2. He was diagnosed when he was 25 he is now 41. He takes risperidone (risperdal)4mg.
He told me from very early on into the relationship about the BP. I have since bought a book called "Loving Someone with Bipolar" by Julia Fast. My boyfriend is always willing to answer any questions I have but I don't always want to keep asking as he then tells me about the "episodes" he has had and I don't want to keep making him relive them so the book is very helpful.
The only area so far where our relationship suffers is in bed he finds it difficult to keep an erection for very long. We have talked about it a lot and I have tried to reassure him but I know he worries that he is not satisfying me.
He told me that a few years ago when he went to his GP he offered him Viagra but didn't say why and my boyfriend hadn't gone there with any erection problems. I have since done a lot of research into risperidone and erectile dysfunction and it is a common problem. I am not sure I would be happy for my boyfriend to take Viagra as in my opinion it comes with its own side effects.
We have discussed going to a sex/relationship counsellor my boyfriend says he would prefer to go by himself as he feels he is the one with the issues not me.
I would be happy to hear anyone else's experience or advice.
Thanks,
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Unread 08-03-2017, 12:42 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Boyfriend has BP- Advice needed please

Hello saskia: I see this is ysour first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I'm sorry we are only now replying to your first post. Please forgive us.

I don't know as there is a lot I can offer with regard to this. Erectile dysfunction is, in my experience, one of those types of problems that tends to feed on itself. The more difficulty a guy has with it, the more trouble it causes him. It becomes sort-of a vicious circle, so to speak.

I'm certainly no expert with regard to any of this. So this is just my personal opinion. But from my perspective, I think your bf is probably correct in that this is not a relationship issue. He's not having the problems he's having because there are problems in your relationship. It's a matter of the medications he's taking plus the emotional distress his ED problems are causing him. So, at least to me, him going to see a counselor or therapist by himself makes sense. (And kudos to him for being willing to do that. A lot of guys probably wouldn't.)

Now having written that, the difficulties your bf is having do have an impact on your relationship as a whole. So it certainly may make sense for the two of you to participate in some couples counseling at some point. But again, at least in my personal non-professional opinion, the two things should perhaps be addressed separately. Let your bf work on his ED issues with his prescribing physician & perhaps a therapist. Then, perhaps a bit later on, consider going together for some couples counseling to work on your relationship as a whole. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post. My best wishes to you both.
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Unread 08-03-2017, 05:53 PM   #3
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Take lots of water with Viagra. It dehydrates you. It always gives me a headache, but I cannot get an erection without it.
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Unread 08-07-2017, 09:56 AM   #4
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Default Re: Boyfriend has BP- Advice needed please

Why don't you try oral sex? It helps with my lover who also has the same problem. I for one don't really care if he keeps it up for long since we are very affectionate with each other. I like him much and his kissing and hugging are just as nice as intercourse itself. If intercourse is very important to you, then may be using EDD medication would be helpful but all meds have side effects and have risks. I accept my lover the way he is and am happy with him so far.
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Unread 08-13-2017, 03:48 AM   #5
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Default Re: Boyfriend has BP- Advice needed please

Saskia, can he maintain an erection in any circumstance at all? When he is alone for example? A turning point in our relationship was getting a good sex toy. Surprisingly a thing we bought for me worked on him perfectly well too. Google "We Vibe Touch", that's the thing we had a very good experience with.
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