Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Health & Other Support > Sexual and Gender Issues


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 07-16-2017, 08:00 AM   #1
Member
 
ingalot's Avatar
ingalot has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2012
Posts: 73
My Mood:

5 yr Member
46 hugs
given
Default Seeking information and advice

I havent been able to find the information i want online and im a bit lost as to where to look so i thought that posting here might here.

I am a virgin, and very very inexperienced in anything remotely sexual. My boyfriend is not. I am very confortable and feel very safe with him, and since i am the lesser exerienced one he is happy to go at whatever pace i desire and doesnt care that we havent had sex yet (weve been dating four months so not long but weve talked about it a few times)

So the ball is in my court, so to say, except despite me being very attracted to him and very fine with the idea of us moving past just making out, i cant physically get myself to initiate anything further. Perhaps its because i dont know what to do, perhaps its a confidence thing. Idk. But my body physicaly wont do what im thinking of doing.

Would anyone have any tips on gaining confidence or even how to start? Im so clueless its a bit embarrassing :/ i truly want to give more to my bf who is so kind and caring and patient with me, and i would like to take things further but i dont know how to start.
ingalot is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-16-2017, 08:05 AM   #2
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,322 (SuperPoster!)
2,868 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

You are probably just anxious and everything will be fine after the first time. Maybe smoke some pot and/or have a few drinks to make you relax the first time?
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-16-2017, 08:26 AM   #3
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,322 (SuperPoster!)
2,868 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

Does he have his own place? Go over there one night after a long bath in sexy clothes with sexy matching underware underneath. Bring a drink to share with him. Usually, the right clothes, perfume, makeup, etc will make the guy initiate. You don't have to do anything but follow his lead. If a bf does not react to this, he would be the wrong guy for me.....
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-16-2017, 08:42 AM   #4
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,322 (SuperPoster!)
2,868 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

I have always dressed modestly so when I showed up on a date or at a guy's house in a revealing dress with high heels (I have never really liked high heels)--it was an obvious signal. If you also tend to dress modestly--you will be slightly embarassed by his comments but that is part of the "dance"--when you do something like this you are showing a vulnerability that he will appreciate....
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-17-2017, 03:10 PM   #5
Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: on the reservation and in the backwoods of my origins
Posts: 6,743 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

8 yr Member
485 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

how old are you.....reason I ask is that when I went to your posts it said in 2012 you were 12 then in 2013 your post says you are 16....usually how a person approaches sex with their partners is different depending on age....

example I'm not about to tell a 12 yr old how to initiate sex and for a 16 yr old I would say contact your doctor. they will explain sex birth control and so on to you...

something to think about....

in some locations telling a minor how to become sexually active can be a crime, especially online, which is another reason I don't tell people what to do about their sex life...

my suggestion if you are still a minor then contact your parents or your medical doctor, they will help you with this...
amandalouise is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 07-17-2017, 03:15 PM   #6
Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: on the reservation and in the backwoods of my origins
Posts: 6,743 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

8 yr Member
485 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying View Post
You are probably just anxious and everything will be fine after the first time. Maybe smoke some pot and/or have a few drinks to make you relax the first time?
ummm do you realize you may be telling a minor to go smoke some pot or have a few drinks?

just a heads up their past posts mention pre teen (as young as 12) and teen ager as their ages.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 07-17-2017, 03:18 PM   #7
Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: on the reservation and in the backwoods of my origins
Posts: 6,743 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

8 yr Member
485 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying View Post
Does he have his own place? Go over there one night after a long bath in sexy clothes with sexy matching underware underneath. Bring a drink to share with him. Usually, the right clothes, perfume, makeup, etc will make the guy initiate. You don't have to do anything but follow his lead. If a bf does not react to this, he would be the wrong guy for me.....
I personally would not tell a pre teen - teenager to do these things.... the posters ages are somewhere between 12 and 16 or not. I found a past post that said they were 12 in 2012 and 16 in 2013. that tells me to be very careful of what I am suggesting because the poster might be younger than what they are posting or at the very least hiding their actual minor age.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 07-17-2017, 05:58 PM   #8
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,322 (SuperPoster!)
2,868 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

It's ALL very bad advise. When I think about it--I put myself in some bad situations doing this. Sorry Ingalot--please don't do what I did--some of it turned out badly (and I was older than 18!)... Seriously--very bad advice for all unless you know the guy longer than 4 months and are compatible...I have very bad judgement and a list of bad things have happened to me because of it.
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-18-2017, 08:23 AM   #9
Member
 
ingalot's Avatar
ingalot has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2012
Posts: 73
My Mood:

5 yr Member
46 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

Im sorry i should have clarified, im 20. (The maths adds up i was 16 in 2013 and now its 2017 and im 4 years older) so fear not about criminality! (No idea where someone got 12 in 2012 from.... feel free to link me that post if you can be bothered!)
ingalot is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 07-18-2017, 08:29 AM   #10
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,322 (SuperPoster!)
2,868 hugs
given
Default Re: Seeking information and advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by ingalot View Post
Im sorry i should have clarified, im 20. (The maths adds up i was 16 in 2013 and now its 2017 and im 4 years older) so fear not about criminality! (No idea where someone got 12 in 2012 from.... feel free to link me that post if you can be bothered!)
I am glad you are not a minor but want you to take my advice with a grain of salt. I really do have bad judgement in this area. Sometimes when you become sexually active with someone it strengthens the bond and makes it harder to leave. Make sure he is the right guy (analytically not emotionally) before taking my advice!
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:00 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines