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Unread 03-20-2017, 08:19 AM   #11
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Default Re: Adult Virgin

You stated in your original post that "people talk...". Who are these people & why are you listening to them? Yes people talk, but do you know how many of them lie! Stop listening to "other people" & listen to your core values & life pillars. Who you are.
Do you know how many "people" lose their virginity & regret it? Many! I did.
This 3% that you mention. Is this based on hard scientific facts, a long term study? Again how many people lied & said they had sex...when they didn't.
I think you need to change how you're viewing this thru societies eyes & their pressures. They are not your own.
You're 25yo. I think if you'd double your age & posted this then we'd have an issue to look at.

Sex does not make you a man.
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Unread 03-20-2017, 05:56 PM   #12
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Default Re: Adult Virgin

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger View Post
May I ask why do you think he needs experience just for the sake of it?
I just thought it could become a psychological barrier to someone he does really want so by just finding someone and getting it over with... it could be helpful. Surely you can just go to a dating site and put out vibes that you are just looking for sex. I am on POF and there are plenty of guys-- good looking -- and not who are just honest about it... and they find women all the time that just don't want the hassle of a relationship.

Quote:
This 3% that you mention. Is this based on hard scientific facts, a long term study? Again how many people lied & said they had sex...when they didn't. I think you need to change how you're viewing this thru societies eyes & their pressures. They are not your own.
In my experience it is more like 25% are still virgins by 25 and there could be about 10% more than had one experience that might have been super bad or like one thrust. I feel like Virginity is the last taboo that NO one admits.
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Unread 03-23-2017, 11:18 AM   #13
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Default Re: Adult Virgin

I think experience is important and people don't realize it because most of the learning people do, happens organically starting in the formative years/up to early 20s.

It's not just about confidence or stigma and it's not about getting your rocks off, it's about having the experience of being in that situation, with everything it implies, adjusting and learning from it.

It's the same with general social interactions, where if you've done little socializing, especially some more intimate/deeper socializing(as in connecting, making friends, stuff that require vulnerability, sharing, keeping up a relationship), you're most likely to be clumsy and stiff at it, not just because of anxiety and the uncomfortable situation you're not used to but also because it's an aptitude you've practiced little.

Every aptitude needs practice to develop and so does this one. Without having ever been in a romantic/sexual situation ,of course you're not going to naturally send off all the right vibes and signals and use body language correctly, etc. By romantic/sexual situation I also don't mean it being a one sided attempt but a situation where there's mutual interest. We all learn everything together and from one another.

Also, I don't see what is so outrageous about the idea that yes, to get a good grip of yourself as a sexual/romantic being, you need to experience being seen as one and you need to be in such a situation where you can express and experience your sexuality with a partner. Knowing your body sexually, accepting your body, knowing you're a sexual person and all that, is not enough because shared sexuality is about more than that and it's a different facet of your own sexuality that comes into play.

The problem is,a majority of the population has at least a modicum of experience by the time they reach their mid 20s. I think people don't realize that even those laughable attempted flirts in school, the awkward hand holding, just going on a date, seeing/feeling someone is interested in you(even if you're not interested in them), all those small things actually do count and every failed relationship counts too, those good times and intimacy you've had while together doesn't go away. Now, most people start roughly at the same time so when they're inexperienced, so is everyone else, more or less. But then, if you reach your late 20s with no experience or very minimal, then the problem is not so much stigma(at least for me stigma is not an issue at all) but the fact that you're unlikely to find someone as inexperienced, everyone is at a different level, with different expectations, they're playing the game on advanced and you're at middle school level. Also, as an adult you catch up slower and the emotional suffering rejection, loneliness, unmet needs cause ,just piles up. When everyone is roughly as inexperienced, that inexperience isn't noticeable, but when most people have a significantly higher level of experience and you're inexperienced...then it sticks out(or you don't manage to stick out).

Thing is, you're not going to get experience(even just sexual) by having a super casual or paid encounter, because the problem isn't not knowing how to get undressed and move your hips, it's forming that connection that leads to it, sending the signals that convey you're sexually/romantically available and interested, allowing yourself to be vulnerable. So I don't think an online hook-up is going to do the trick either

Oh and I think all around it's probably like 5% of people who haven't had sex til their early 30s, 10% at most. It's higher or lower depending on the culture, of course, but all in all.... Sex/romance is probably the most important, predominant instinct/need we have as living creatures, apart from food/water/shelter, it's at the core of our social lives, we're biologically programmed that way for practical reasons. So it's something very common, it's not a luxury, u don't need education for it and most people do just get to it naturally.
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Unread 03-26-2017, 06:14 PM   #14
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Default Re: Adult Virgin

So what would you recommend to people like me who just can't see those little body language cues that lead to that development? I can't speak to OP's experience but in my case it has to be incredibly obvious for it to even register for me and even then I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the other person correctly.
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Unread 03-26-2017, 09:58 PM   #15
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Default Re: Adult Virgin

Quote:
Originally Posted by T-Price View Post
So what would you recommend to people like me who just can't see those little body language cues that lead to that development? I can't speak to OP's experience but in my case it has to be incredibly obvious for it to even register for me and even then I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the other person correctly.


I've read a great deal about body language & I think this can be helpful, but also to see it in action. Go watch people. Maybe in a bar or social setting. What do you expect? What queues are people putting off? I love watching people & really listening to their body language bec most don't realize what they're saying.
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Unread 03-27-2017, 02:49 AM   #16
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Default Re: Adult Virgin

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNorseman View Post
I have never had sex, kissed anyone, or been on a date...

I asked a girl out my freshman year in college. I asked two more girls out after that in college. Last year I got a little interested in a girl at graduate school who I got along with on a basic level and was always friendly with me. When I started going out of my way to talk to her a little more she basically ignored me and deleted me on facebook.
You have not asked many girls out. Ask more out. On my first date with my husband, he took me on a double date. The activity was a motorcycle ride up into the mountains on a lovely Spring day. I thought his motorcycle was sexy and loved the sensation of the wind. He made sure I had a helmet and seemed like a safe driver. On our second date, I grabbed his hand as we were standing in line for a $1.00 movie matinee. It was something I did without any kind of forethought, there was just chemistry for some reason. Prior to that date, I had experienced plenty of dates where the chemistry was lacking. I rarely second guessed why? One of the reasons that I kept seeing him was that we enjoyed doing the same activities like drinking beer, camping under the stars, tubing down the river, etc. I think our sex drives are a part of our human nature so if you can find a girl who likes to spend time with you, it might happen naturally.
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