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Old 03-15-2019, 01:24 PM #1
dazedandconfsed dazedandconfsed is offline
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Default Issues

I guess it's easy to see I have issues -

I'm a married male in my 50s. Married for 25+ years to my wife, with children. For 5+ years, there has been no sexual relations with my wife. She has begun to press more and ask why (I know, what took so long?), and I just dismissed the question or say I'm not interested. In all other respects, our life and marriage is happy.

The truth is that for my entire life, I've been interested in men. In addition, for the last 15 years or so, I've engaged in sexual relations with men without my wife's knowledge. More recently, I've dated certain men exclusively for extended periods of time, who are all aware of my discreet ways and lifestyle. I've never cheated on my wife with another woman.

Told you I have issues....

I really would not want a divorce, and I'm sure a divorce would devastate my wife, both financially and emotionally as well as me. I'd like to remain married, and not tell my wife about my secrets. I know how completely selfish of me that is, and how she deserves to know the truth and make her own decision, but for the sake of my family, I'd rather not.

What I would like to do is somehow be able to satisfy her sexual needs again so she is happy. I don't know if that is possible...but it was in the past - I was able to have sex with women. It's been so long though..makes me unsure.

Other than that..I wish I could know for sure that I would be able to control my sexual desires and not be with any other men, but my history is not a good indication that I will be successful.

I also need to figure out how to fall in love with my wife again..and take things slow, and be able to do this..for her and me.

Yes, I know I'm slime..I know I'm a horrible human being..but, I'm trying to deal with the hand that I've been dealt and the issues I've created the best I can.

I often have bouts of depression..maybe not clinical, but I get depressed in my situation..it would be easier to end thigs, but I don't bec again, I wouldn't want to do that to my family.

The right answer is to be honest with myself and my family. That they will, of course, somehow survive. But, that's not what I want to do or what I want to put them through.

Any other help is appreciated.
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Old 03-15-2019, 04:19 PM #2
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Smile Re: Issues

Hello dazedandconfsed: Thank you for bringing your concerns here to PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. Two other forums, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the relationships forum & the healthy parenting forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/healthy-parenting/

You might also like to check out the Men-Focused Support forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support/

And then here is a link to the Surviving Inflidelity blog from Psych Central's archives. There are a number of articles in this blog that may be useful for you to read:

Surviving Infidelity | A blog about moving on from infidelity in your relationship

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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