Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans? - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 03-05-2019, 12:39 PM #1
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Default Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Has anyone else noticed that general discussions of sex seem to frequently trigger a lot of anger, judgment, and discomfort among people? I'm not referring to sexual abuse. That is of course wrong, a crime, traumatizing, and painful to discuss. I'm just referring to discussing ideas about sex with consenting adults. Or when someone has a sexual problem and they'd like support and advice but they receive criticism or get shut down instead. I've had several friends tell me that I'm the only one they can openly chat with about sex for fear of judgment/shaming from others. Sometimes even sexual issues which don't appear particularly controversial seem to really trigger a lot of anger and arguing. In my view, human sexuality exists along a continuum. I don't perceive it as black-and-white. Again, I am not referring to coercion or assault. I've noticed that a recurring problem in adult relationships is when one partner does not understand the other's sexuality...so they feel they have to control it or change it somehow...which leads to more problems.

What do other people think? I'd be interested to read any responses which are calm and open-minded
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Old 03-05-2019, 08:45 PM #2
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Has anyone else noticed that general discussions of sex seem to frequently trigger a lot of anger, judgment, and discomfort among people? I'm not referring to sexual abuse. That is of course wrong, a crime, traumatizing, and painful to discuss. I'm just referring to discussing ideas about sex with consenting adults. Or when someone has a sexual problem and they'd like support and advice but they receive criticism or get shut down instead. I've had several friends tell me that I'm the only one they can openly chat with about sex for fear of judgment/shaming from others. Sometimes even sexual issues which don't appear particularly controversial seem to really trigger a lot of anger and arguing. In my view, human sexuality exists along a continuum. I don't perceive it as black-and-white. Again, I am not referring to coercion or assault. I've noticed that a recurring problem in adult relationships is when one partner does not understand the other's sexuality...so they feel they have to control it or change it somehow...which leads to more problems.



What do other people think? I'd be interested to read any responses which are calm and open-minded
Silver trees as you know this is were I have trouble as well.
Not knowing how to approach a subject that I had not even thought about that long ago.
I know I have been put in the "dirty" or "cheap " or "desperate" categories of late online and off.
Just because of a medical condition that finding information about is far and few between.
Nobody wants to know if you have a problem and are apparently meant to know the answers to without putting all your friends and family offside. Plus the anxiety it places on a person to reach out and ask/ say something.
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:20 PM #3
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

I totally understand that. Any conversation of sex which isn't under my control I get triggered during. I am working through it and hope you can too. It seems that many regad sex as impure and it feels dirty to be talking about. I totally get and understand what you are going through.
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:49 PM #4
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Has anyone else noticed that general discussions of sex seem to frequently trigger a lot of anger, judgment, and discomfort among people? I'm not referring to sexual abuse. That is of course wrong, a crime, traumatizing, and painful to discuss. I'm just referring to discussing ideas about sex with consenting adults. Or when someone has a sexual problem and they'd like support and advice but they receive criticism or get shut down instead. I've had several friends tell me that I'm the only one they can openly chat with about sex for fear of judgment/shaming from others. Sometimes even sexual issues which don't appear particularly controversial seem to really trigger a lot of anger and arguing. In my view, human sexuality exists along a continuum. I don't perceive it as black-and-white. Again, I am not referring to coercion or assault. I've noticed that a recurring problem in adult relationships is when one partner does not understand the other's sexuality...so they feel they have to control it or change it somehow...which leads to more problems.



What do other people think? I'd be interested to read any responses which are calm and open-minded
Because society made sex such a big deal. Look at women for an example. If they hook up with a guy at a party their a slut while the guy gets high fives.

People shame others for having sex and look at them like their a sub human. Take a prostitute as an example. Most people think they're better than them and say mean and hurtful things. But in reality they aren't better but worse because they're so simple minded that they can't see they're just living life the way they want or living that way because they have too so they can live. Not everyone has the skills or support to get high paying jobs/careers. People shouldn't hate so much.

"Normal" people are boring AF. I've really enjoyed getting to know all types of personalities and people that are considered outcasts.

When I'm in a bad manic episode I'd have a few girlfriends and have sex with all 3 sometimes in one day. I'm really good at lying and I'm very well liked. When I'm manic I could be a porn star and I'm like the Energizer bunny that keeps going and going and going and going etc.

I've also been told I'm a great listener and never judged anyone I've talked to. For the most part I've been an outsider all my life and genuinely know what its like not being able to talk to anyone about myself. Mostly because of how the majority of people views people that's bipolar. If people cant relate with me then what's the point in having a conversation with them. Its impossible to get others to understand emotions and what a person feels inside.

Also good luck in changing people minds because I've learned it's near impossible to get them to be a decent person. They can't leave people alone thats different than them and want them to be like them and do what they do. Well I guess it's too complicated for them to realize not everyone wants to be like them.
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:31 PM #5
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Thank you all very much for your time, insight, and truths. Would you agree that sharing our truth can be an important part of healing?

A few of my own truths, for what's it's worth...

I was raised by people with strict and bizarrely puritanical views about sexuality. My mother never explained menstruation or sex or anything related to my siblings and me. In fact, when my sister had her first period, she thought she was seriously ill and needed a doctor because she didn't know anything about how her body was going to evolve. Thankfully she came to me, not to our mother, and I helped her understand what was happening with practical information and sensitivity and warmth.

I now perceive my mother's lack of sexual and basic biological guidance as a form of emotional neglect though I realize others may not agree. My mother's only concern was that we would not become "pregnant out of wedlock." In my view, that is setting the bar for sexual education and sexual development way too low. She also approached the issue by raising us with the notion that sex is inherently sinful, dirty, and dangerous. This did a number on me when I was younger but I have spent years reversing the impact.

I believe that sexuality is a beautiful part of the human condition provided that it is not used as a weapon or to commit a crime against someone. I also think that sexuality occurs as a wide continuum of behaviors and preferences and ideas. It is not black-and-white.

I don't think sex is dirty or "sinful."

To your point, FriendlyJoe - I don't think sex-workers are "less than" me in any way though I do worry about their well-being and safety in an industry notorious for devaluing people. That said, each to their own. I truly don't judge those folks. They are carving out their own path in life. There could be members of PC who work in the sex industry. I think it's helpful to always keep people's backgrounds and personal needs in mind whenever I post...including about sex.

Sex is still a mystery to me! I don't mind admitting that Sometimes that mystery is frustrating and confusing and sometimes I think it's one of life's beautiful complexities!!

Just so you folks know, if you post again on this thread, I will not judge you or shame you if you talk about sexual issues. There's way too much of that already going on in the world as you know. I feel obliged to say (given that this is a psych forum and many posters are survivors of abuse) as long as there are no posts about trying to abuse/assault/commit a criminal act against someone, I see no reason why people can't openly discuss sex.

I really value your ideas. Sometimes I think it can be a breath of fresh air to open up discourse so that people can discuss their sexuality if they feel safe and able to do so. Thank you for sharing and peace to all

Last edited by SilverTrees; 03-05-2019 at 10:53 PM.
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Old 03-05-2019, 11:30 PM #6
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Like everything else in life.it only takes a few bad apples to spoil the bunch when talking about anything.
Sex is good... Really, really good.

It is how we were all made. Sort of.
.
But there are those out there that should be put away for what they have done.

And I'm sorry but that is how it is always going to be
Sometimes you don't have to be in love but just in lust. And sex is still good.
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Old 03-05-2019, 11:51 PM #7
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

I shared this video on another thread but I also find it very pertinent to views and talks of sexuality.

YouTube

Feel free to share your responses if you like
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Old 03-06-2019, 03:45 AM #8
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Yes, I agree SilverTrees and the previous posters make some good points too.

I don't have the whole answer but apparently it was during the Victorian era that sex and sexuality suddenly took on the 'dirty' 'forbidden' 'wash your mouth out with soap for even speaking about it', air. But prior to then, sex wasn't thought of in that way at all. It was thought of in the same way people might talk about what they had for dinner the previous night. There was no stigma. So the Victorians had hangups which changed the way people viewed sex. Perhaps not coincidentally either, it was during the prudish sexually repressed Victorian era that the rise of the sex killer, the serial killer began as well with the Jack The Ripper murders of 1888.

So those are some of my thoughts.
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Old 03-06-2019, 04:06 AM #9
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

Im sorry for all the people who were taught sex is dirty and wrong. Thankfully, I was not told any of that by my parents. I got to form all my own impressions and develop as I naturally did.

Basically, do whatever you want in your own bedroom. Just dont hurt others, break the law, or end up in the ER.
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Old 03-06-2019, 05:39 AM #10
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Default Re: Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

I have major issues around sex, but I have no problems discussing them very openly and candidly with my therapist. I'm female, he's male, and he's a priest, and people don't get how I can have these conversations. But he's still human. He's not dead. He's seen and heard everything...so my issues are not with the conversation but with the act itself.
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