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Old 02-06-2019, 02:36 PM #1
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Default Am I a lesbian?

I've been struggling with my sexuality for a couple of months.

I find men attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them at all.

Also, I've been thinking about when I was in high school and I wonder if these were signs that I was a lesbian or bisexual:

I liked seeing the girl basketball team practice during P.E. for different reasons:

1) Was I attracted to them back then?

2) I liked seeing them practice because I didnít want to do anything in P.E. (Example. Exercising )


Also, I see my future with a woman and I've come to the realization for a couple of months that I'm more comfortable around women than men.
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Old 02-06-2019, 04:00 PM #2
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

Hi, AquaRose8. I think the question to ask you is would you like to have sex more with a man? Do you feel sexual attraction toward women? But I am no expert on the subject.....

P.S. Welcome to Psych Central!
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Old 02-06-2019, 04:59 PM #3
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Smile Re: Am I a lesbian?

Hello AquaRose: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You asked if you are lesbian. Personally I don't think that's a question anyone but you can answer. Some of what you wrote, in your post, suggests to me that this may be a possibility. But concerns related to sexual orientation can sometimes be confusing... not for everyone... but for some people.

You referred to some experiences you had when you were in high school. So I take it you're not in high school now. But I presume you're still perhaps pretty young? You mentioned you've come to the realization for a couple of months that you're more comfortable around women than men & that you see your future with a woman. That sounds fairly conclusive. But then since it's apparently only been a couple of months, it's possible things could still change?

It's possible that, as time passes, your questions regarding your sexual orientation may simply solidify in your mind on their own. But, if not, perhaps the thing to do would be to explore this with the help of a therapist who has experience working with clients who have sexual orientation concerns. Sometimes one just needs to talk these things through with someone. If there is a LGBTQ center where you live, that might be another place you could try going in order to see how you feel you fit in.

Anyway, these are my thoughts with regard to your post. There is an LGBTQ social group here on PC you could join. I don't know how active it is. But it might be worth checking out. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/lgbtq/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 02-07-2019, 12:32 AM #4
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
Hi, AquaRose8. I think the question to ask you is would you like to have sex more with a man? Do you feel sexual attraction toward women? But I am no expert on the subject.....

P.S. Welcome to Psych Central!
Would you like to have sex more with a man? Not really


Do you feel sexual attraction toward women? Maybe
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Old 02-07-2019, 11:47 AM #5
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

Im sorry but we cant answer whether you are a lesbian or not, whether you are/ were attracted to the girls in your school. those are things only you can answer.

as for whether you didnt want to play in gym because you would rather watch is being a lesbian I can tell you know. many people in this world from all walks of life do not enjoy sports and exercising their self but do like watching.

being a lesbian means you enjoy having sex with women. going to get a bit graphic here..

its things like

kissing a woman and discovering you liked it, that it made you feel good inside and made you want to do it more.

you smell a woman and you enjoy their smell. (not as in perfume, every human being has their own body odors that are not from sweating. these are natural odors.)

you enjoy touching a woman and having another woman touch you in very private places on the body.

you enjoy the taste of a woman's body even the intimate parts of a body.

One thing I have noticed that many people label their selves as being a lesbian without actually understanding what that is. I have encountered so many people in my life that automatically jumped to the conclusion that they were lesbians simply because they enjoy how a woman's body looks.

human beings are a social species so its natural to enjoy beautiful things including another human beings body shape, size, how they dress, walk and talk. these things are all superficial and dont say whether a person is gay or lesbian or bi....

bottom line is if you are a lesbian you have had sex with both men and women and now you know what pleases you....

after having sex with both genders you will know whether you enjoy....

oral sex with a man or woman
touching with a man or woman
kissing with a man or woman

lesbian sex is a lot of oral, lots of touching, lots of kissing and lots of other things too. iuts not about whether a woman across the room is wearing really cool clothing or exercises in gym class. its all about which you enjoy having sex with. the rest...

being with them, how they look, how they walk and talk is superficial, enjoyable oh yes lol but the superficial doesnt define whether you are a lesbian or not.

my suggestion is dont worry about putting labels on your sexuality. in time and with experience you will learn which gender you prefer for a sexual partner.
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Old 02-07-2019, 10:15 PM #6
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

Recently I found out about Asexuality and it sounds like what I'm feeling since I'm not interested in having sex with men or women, but when I think about my future:

When I think about waking up in bed, I envision a woman next to me and taking her in my arms or vice versa. ( I just don't see that with a man )

When I see lesbian couples online, I see that as my future and I want to have children with a woman.
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Old 02-08-2019, 12:52 PM #7
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AquaRose8 View Post
Recently I found out about Asexuality and it sounds like what I'm feeling since I'm not interested in having sex with men or women, but when I think about my future:

When I think about waking up in bed, I envision a woman next to me and taking her in my arms or vice versa. ( I just don't see that with a man )

When I see lesbian couples online, I see that as my future and I want to have children with a woman.
I take it you have not had sex yet and are not interested in having sex. thats ok. but this alone does not define whether you are asexual or not. it says you are celebate. Celebate is not having sex. not interested in having sex at the moment, refraining from having sex.

Asexual people never even think about having sex. they dont plan to ever have sex now or in the future. they do not even define their self as being male or female.

example

my asexual friend does not mark any paperwork male or female when it asks for her gender because she does not define herself as woman or man.

She has no "girlfriends" or "boyfriends" her friends are not defined in gender. She has "friends"

she has no interest in watching sports and exercise events defined in gender like she didnt prefer to sit instead of exercising so that she could watch the girls. she watches sports for the sports entertainment (she watches football for the football action not the players with the muscles and great body, she watches volleyball for the volley ball action not for the beautiful women in short shorts and tank tops)

when my asexual friend watches videos online they dont make her aroused or interested or make her want to have what she sees in the videos. lets put it this way she makes a great sex ed teacher because nothing her students ask or discuss phases her, nothing arouses her and nothing surprises her. she is able to discuss all aspects of the human body and sex totally neutral/ impartial/ with no fear of wanting or arousing her body. she doesnt even get that normal blush sexual humans get when discussing the human body and sex.

her future plans living by herself enjoying the life of a single non sexual, non gendered person.

in short a person who is asexual has absolutely no interest or plans around sex including sexual organs and gender. There is even a physical component of how their body hormones and other things work in their bodies. their bodies are physically incapable of being aroused because of their bodies are not producing whats needed for arousal whether they are watching a man or a woman or two of each. makes no difference.

my suggestion why put labels on yourself when its clear that these labels may change in the future. you have posted you have no interest in sex but you envision a future of having sex. this tells me that obviously you are not asexual. that right now you are ......celibate...(not having sex, sexually abstinence) and thats ok.

someday when you are ready you will have sex with who ever and which ever gender you want to and you will know for sure what actually pleases you from experience and then if you still want to label your sexuality you still can. right now just enjoy who you are in this moment.
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Old 02-23-2019, 09:29 AM #8
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AquaRose8 View Post
I've been struggling with my sexuality for a couple of months.

I find men attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them at all.

Also, I've been thinking about when I was in high school and I wonder if these were signs that I was a lesbian or bisexual:

I liked seeing the girl basketball team practice during P.E. for different reasons:

1) Was I attracted to them back then?

2) I liked seeing them practice because I didnít want to do anything in P.E. (Example. Exercising )


Also, I see my future with a woman and I've come to the realization for a couple of months that I'm more comfortable around women than men.

Sorry to hear you are going through this confusion, AquaRose. I sympathise.I can look back at my childhood and see things differently regarding my sexuality too. Being sexually confused is not easy to deal with. Hugs to you.
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Old 03-13-2019, 08:31 AM #9
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

I would advise me to start a normal relationship with a man, and if nothing happens, then you can only think about your sexual orientation.
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Old 03-16-2019, 08:10 PM #10
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Default Re: Am I a lesbian?

there is no hurry. no pressure. no one is pushing you to come up with the correct label right away, and not for nothing no one that label can be a fluid one over the course of your lifetime..like you might end up being bisexual. or it might be that for you watching sports is enough of a sign to point you in the right direction. everyone is different. and for everyone, whatever feel right is the right thing. what feels comfortable & works, is probablbly the right thing and what works. go slow, be patient and be gentle. it's a big club with big extremes :-)
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