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Old 03-04-2018, 07:40 PM #1
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Default I feel trapped?

It generally feels like I canít control anything. I feel so restricted. Iím gay, and I live in a really judgmental area. My parents donít know Iím gay, and that doesnít help. When I try and change something in my life, I just feel so weird. So different from everybody in my family, and it feels like everybody is judging me even though they probably arenít. Iím one of those people who when I want to change something in my life, I will just joke about it to people and call it stupid and just stuff like that, which may as well be why I feel like this. My brother is absolutely terrible about judging me though. Iíve thought about working out and eating healthy recently, and he just makes fun of it. All the time. He does neither of these things, and I know this is stupid, but it just really impacts me. And even if I told him that, he wouldnít care. And god, Iím such a freaking picky eater. Itís a lot of work trying to eat food that you HATE. Especiallly when everybody around you is eating this tasty food, that I canít have.
Speaking of feeling restricted, I have told my dad about my dream in life. It is to move to Japan, and he told me that itís really expensive, but if I work hard enough I will get there. Then, a little while later, my brother told me, in front of my dad, that my dad said that I would never make it there. When my brother said that, they both just laughed, and my dad shyly said that he didnít, and then my brother said it again, and my dad didnít say anything else. Not only that, but my dad also completely neglects that I want to move to Japan, and says all of these things that disregard everything that Iíve told him. Itís so annoying, itís like it just goes through one ear and out the other. My uncle and grandparents are really the only people that support my dream.
Anyway, I know I sound like a dumb brat, but I just donít know what to do. I feel so discouraged all of the time, and it keeps me from achieving my goals. What should I do?
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Old 03-04-2018, 08:14 PM #2
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Well... you don't sound like a dumb brat to me. (I'm an old man now. I was an only child. So I didn't have any brothers I had to tolerate.) But my parents, mostly my father, was good at mocking anything I was interested in. So I have some recollection of what that is like.

Oh... & I have had a life-long struggle with gender identity dysphoria, which I kept hidden from everyone, including my parents. So I know something about hiding who you truly are too. I grew up during a time, & in a place, where there were boys & there were girls. And if you didn't happen to fit neatly into one of those two categories, you darned well kept it to yourself if you knew what was good for you.

Unfortunately I don't have any easy answers for you. What finally worked for me was that, while I was in college, I moved into a dorm on campus & that got me away from my parents' home. And then, eventually, I moved out of state to attend graduate school. After that I seldom went back.

I don't know how old you are, or what your situation is in general. But, based on my own experiences, I would have to say the key to your situation may simply be to get out on your own as soon as it is possible to do so. Then you can pursue your goals without having the weight of the negativity you're currently experiencing hanging around your neck.

Nothing you have written here is stupid. Working out & eating healthy are both important for good health. And, if you want to try living in Japan... great! Having goals in life is extremely important. So try your best not to let the naysayers get you down. And set your sites on getting out on your own when you can. Then pursue your dreams! I wish you well...
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Old 03-05-2018, 05:33 AM #3
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Moving to another country so far away from where you grew up is a big step in itself. Maybe you could fly there for a vacation and see if you like it. I'm sure you know a lot about Japan already, but maybe a trip there may be beneficial.
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