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Old 11-21-2017, 01:56 PM   #1
happycheeks
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Default Questioning my sexuality

I have been wondering about my sex orientation. I had a crush on a girl in high school and afterwards most of my crushes were men. I do find women attractive but I'd mostly go after men. Is it ok for other women to find other women attractive? Sometimes there are the few women that make me kinda warm inside and I say oh wow she's cute or she's beautiful. I think I'm straight but I have bisexual tendencies.
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Old 11-21-2017, 09:46 PM   #2
Persephone518
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Default Re: Questioning my sexuality

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Originally Posted by happycheeks View Post
Is it ok for other women to find other women attractive?
Absolutely!

Quote:
Originally Posted by happycheeks View Post
Sometimes there are the few women that make me kinda warm inside and I say oh wow she's cute or she's beautiful. I think I'm straight but I have bisexual tendencies.
I'm finding myself in a similar mindset as of late. I identify as heterosexual, but there are also many women out there that I find beautiful and sexy. But as to whether I'd want to have sex with them if I were single and given the opportunity, I'm not sure. The idea of being on the "giving" end - as in giving oral sex to or penetrating another women - definitely does NOT appeal to me. But the thought of being on the "receiving" end? That I'd be willing to try, because technically it's no different than what I've done with men. I just don't know how much I'd enjoy it. Only one way to find out, I suppose.

There have also occasionally been women (a certain ex-friend comes to mind, which is who prompted me to start asking these sorts of questions of myself) who I fell emotionally in love with. I usually refer to it as a "platonic infatuation" since there isn't the physical component that accompanies a romantic crush, but lately I've started to wonder if it wasn't a romantic attraction after all. The woman I mentioned - I'll call her J - is someone I definitely would have been willing to experiment with, even date, if she had been interested and I had been single back when she and I were still friends. I was surprised to find myself feeling that way toward J because, like I said, I always assumed I was completely straight.

The point of all this is to say that I can totally appreciate where you're coming from.

I think it's normal (and completely okay) to question, to want to experiment for curiosity's sake and to learn more about oneself, and even to come across certain people who are the "exceptions" to our usual preferences.

I'm not fond of labels when it comes to sexuality because it really is very complex and nuanced and individual, although I understand the need for them when trying to explain oneself to others. I think "heterosexual with bisexual tendencies" sums up what you describe very well. Or you could go with "bi-curious" or "heteroflexible" (one of my favorites). I once described myself as "heterosexual but bi-romantic," in reference to my feelings for J.

I've always believed that sexuality exists along a continuum. I haven't read much on the subject, but apparently the Kinsey Scale adheres to this notion (on either end are strictly gay and strictly straight, with ample room in between). It bugs me when people insist on a strict dichotomy and imply that anyone who falls in between the two extremes - which I suspect is most of the human population! - is confused or in denial or whatever.

Anyway. It's kind of a moot point for me since I'm married and monogamous, but I wanted to share my perspective in case you and others find it helpful.

I wish you all the best in your journey of self discovery. (Sorry. That sounded so cheesy, but I mean it. )
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Old 11-21-2017, 11:41 PM   #3
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Default Re: Questioning my sexuality

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Originally Posted by happycheeks View Post
I have been wondering about my sex orientation. I had a crush on a girl in high school and afterwards most of my crushes were men. I do find women attractive but I'd mostly go after men. Is it ok for other women to find other women attractive? Sometimes there are the few women that make me kinda warm inside and I say oh wow she's cute or she's beautiful. I think I'm straight but I have bisexual tendencies.
I call myself bisexual and I am attracted to women as primary partners in adventure and attracted to men to complete the three-or-more-somes.

I think that the current crop of sexual assignments might put you in the bi-curious pigeonhole as you’ve never had sex with another female? Are you old enough to have been sexually active with men?

My caregiver’s 14-year-old daughter was here the other day and we had a long discussion about bisexuality. She has been sexually active with girls but wants, some day, to have intimate relations with boys.

Meh. Women and men can make me feel ‘kinda warm inside,’ but in different ways that I can’t explain. A good, positive feeling. I only feel completed in a poly relationship... nothing else will do.

‘Bisexual tendencies?’ Hmm. You know what? Call yourself what you feel that you are and be aware that next year’s model might be a complete overhaul.
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