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Old 10-09-2017, 02:20 AM   #1
ExplodingSun56
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Default Sex

I'm almost 23 and I've never had sex. It's really bothering me. I suck at talking to people plus I'm afraid I'll suck in bed if I actually do it. This is really overwhelming for me. This was really hard for me to type so if you could be understanding that would be great. I'm not sure what to do. These feelings are hard for me to deal with.
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Old 10-09-2017, 02:36 AM   #2
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I suffered from a sexual dysfunction for many many years so I can understand feeling bad in this area. There is alot of shame messages around sex that can just make it harder. If you ever need a ear just pm me
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Old 10-09-2017, 02:51 AM   #3
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Default Re: Sex

Sounds like you are having some issues with perfectionistic thinking. This can be contributed to by a habit of being overly focused on external indicators of your value/performance.

My thought is, worry about it once it becomes relevant! There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, and no matter when you end up having a first experience, there never becomes a point where you are "branded for life" or anything like that. It is also a common experience to worry about performance, so you are definitely not alone. Sex is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable thing! It feels best when it is natural. So practice being natural in your life right now, and living in the moment. Try to take a step back from how you are coming off to people or what people may be thinking about you, and just see what happens if you act spontaneous. Be gentle with yourself sand try to have fun! Always remember that you have intrinsic value that cannot be measured with numbers and facts.
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Old 10-09-2017, 04:10 PM   #4
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Default Re: Sex

I completely relate to you. I was also super worried about being a virgin in my twenties, and had a lot of self confidence and self worth issues stemming from it. I was always worried about how other people would judge me, being this old and still never having sex when it seems like everyone else around me already has. I'm 27 now, and still a virgin. I don't judge myself about it anymore, though. The only person who needs to know is the partner who is lucky to be with you.
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Old 12-07-2017, 04:05 AM   #5
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Default Re: Sex

Same here. I'm 20 and every single friend (though that's only like 3 people) and almost every single coworker has had sex. My best friend has told me how I shouldn't be worried or ashamed for being a virgin, buuuuut she's had sex plenty of times and sometimes talks about wanting to help me get a girlfriend. Seems kinda hypocritical "it's fine to be a virgin! But you need to have sex with a girl already." (She's never said it in those words, but that's exactly what she means). I also have an issue with basically feeling transgendered and not wanting to have sex with my current set of genitalia (no desire to be penetrated, but me having a penis would be awesome) so even if I did get the chance, I wouldn't REALLY get the chance you know what I mean?

Basically I'm just in the same boat as you.
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Old 12-07-2017, 04:59 AM   #6
ExplodingSun56
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Default Re: Sex

I was just thinking about this and it's making me feel depressed. I'm still worried that I won't be able to last long enough cause when I masturbate I'm done in like a couple min. at the most usually. Maybe I can last a little longer after masturbating but that's it. It's been bothering me again recently. I really want to have sex. But first I have to find someone who actually wants to do that with me. Some days it just really bothers me. It's a big deal to me. I don't know what to do. I had to talk about this. It feels better to just get this off my chest. Back then it was really hard for me to talk about stuff like this. I don't know if I could tell anyone in real life though. But yeah I don't even know how to explain how I feel about this sometimes. It just bothers me.
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Old 12-07-2017, 04:45 PM   #7
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Waiting and having amazing sex with the right person beats having sex because you're "supposed to" any day. Please don't stress yourself out. In my experience men last longer when they are having sex on a regular basis. So don't put everything on your first time. You'll never forget your first time, but guaranteed it won't be your best time. The more you practice the better it gets. I know it is a big deal to you and your feelings are valid. Just try not to let it get to you too much.
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