Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > >



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-16-2018, 09:41 AM   #1
LuckyCupofTea
Member
 
LuckyCupofTea's Avatar
LuckyCupofTea has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 51
1 hugs
given
Default Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

Hello--
My husband has schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. He has been hospitalized several times over the past 2 years. He has a history of cutting, but had not done it for about 12 years until recently. He was hospitalized in the psych unit for 3 weeks because he had not been taking his meds in March.

He is doing pretty well lately. He has been working part time and has been more social. However, he admitted to me that he has been secretly cutting again. It used to be visible places (wrists) but because he fears being hospitalized and is ashamed, he is cutting elsewhere. I'm guessing his legs. He won't show me. He says that he has kept it clean.

Still--I'm not sure what the proper response is here. I am trying to be supportive. He says this is a coping mechanism. Well--it's not a safe one. Hospitalization doesn't seem necessary because this will continue to go on when he is released. Ultimately, it's up to him.

He is 9 weeks clean from Marijuana (after having smoked it for 15 years) so this could also be another reason. He is on MANY medications so it's not really possible to add another.

He sees a therapist weekly and psychiatrist monthly. I urged him to discuss this with his therapist. He knows all about "alternatives" such as excercise, stress balls, drawing on yourself with a marker, ice, etc. He says they aren't the same.

I'm just not sure how I can help. Is this something that I should call his therapist about? That would likely betray trust. I would tell him first. He doesn't want me to do that though.
LuckyCupofTea is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 05-16-2018, 01:17 PM   #2
Skeezyks
Apparition
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Minne-apple
Posts: 15,500 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

3 yr Member
11.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

Well... I don't exactly know if there is much of anything I can suggest here. But I felt compelled to reply to your post. I'm an old man now ... no doubt quite a bit older than you & your hubby. But I've also struggled with self harm (which I have kept entirely secret from my wife, by the way.) I've also made 2 serious suicide attempts following which I was hospitalized. So I presume I have some basis for commenting on your situation.

Personally, I think you summed things up well in your post. You wrote that hospitalization probably won't help because your hubby will just start cutting again once he gets out. You also wrote that, ultimately, it's up to him, which is absolutely true, in my opinion. You mentioned your husband sees a therapist weekly & a psychiatrist monthly & you urged him to talk with his therapist about what's going on. That's certainly appropriate & I do hope he does so. You also mentioned your hubby knows all of the standard alternatives to cutting & that he's already on so many med's that adding more isn't an option. So neither of those options are practical or available.

You mentioned the idea of talking with your husband's therapist. I presume you are aware that your husband's therapist should not, cannot, talk with you without your hubby's permission. And you wrote that your husband does not want you to do that anyway. So that really eliminates that as a possibility. To my way of thinking... I'm not sure what's left.

I obviously don't know what's driving your husband to do what he's doing. I presume he's talking about this with his therapist. (I know what has caused me to do the things I've done.) But getting to the bottom of whatever is driving this behavior is, to my mind, the only thing that is going to "cure" it, if in fact any cure is possible. And that ball is pretty-much entirely in your hubby's, & his therapist's, court so to speak. So my thinking is that about all you can do, at this point, is to do what is necessary to take care of yourself... whatever that is...

Here are links to 3 articles that touch upon the subject of taking care of yourself when a family member has a mental illness:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dont-...-mentally-ill/

https://psychcentral.com/news/2011/0...ers/26352.html

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...ental-illness/

I wish you both well...
Skeezyks is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2018, 02:18 PM   #3
LuckyCupofTea
Member
 
LuckyCupofTea's Avatar
LuckyCupofTea has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 51
1 hugs
given
Default Re: Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... I don't exactly know if there is much of anything I can suggest here. But I felt compelled to reply to your post. I'm an old man now ... no doubt quite a bit older than you & your hubby. But I've also struggled with self harm (which I have kept entirely secret from my wife, by the way.) I've also made 2 serious suicide attempts following which I was hospitalized. So I presume I have some basis for commenting on your situation.

Personally, I think you summed things up well in your post. You wrote that hospitalization probably won't help because your hubby will just start cutting again once he gets out. You also wrote that, ultimately, it's up to him, which is absolutely true, in my opinion. You mentioned your husband sees a therapist weekly & a psychiatrist monthly & you urged him to talk with his therapist about what's going on. That's certainly appropriate & I do hope he does so. You also mentioned your hubby knows all of the standard alternatives to cutting & that he's already on so many med's that adding more isn't an option. So neither of those options are practical or available.

You mentioned the idea of talking with your husband's therapist. I presume you are aware that your husband's therapist should not, cannot, talk with you without your hubby's permission. And you wrote that your husband does not want you to do that anyway. So that really eliminates that as a possibility. To my way of thinking... I'm not sure what's left.

I obviously don't know what's driving your husband to do what he's doing. I presume he's talking about this with his therapist. (I know what has caused me to do the things I've done.) But getting to the bottom of whatever is driving this behavior is, to my mind, the only thing that is going to "cure" it, if in fact any cure is possible. And that ball is pretty-much entirely in your hubby's, & his therapist's, court so to speak. So my thinking is that about all you can do, at this point, is to do what is necessary to take care of yourself... whatever that is...

Here are links to 3 articles that touch upon the subject of taking care of yourself when a family member has a mental illness:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dont-...-mentally-ill/

https://psychcentral.com/news/2011/0...ers/26352.html

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...ental-illness/

I wish you both well...


Thank you. I have clearance to speak to my husband's therapist due to the form that he fills out and keeps up to date. Even if I didn't and were concerned, I could call and leave a message. I wouldn't get a response in that circumstance, but everyone who has a mentally ill loved one should know that that is an option. What is driving him to cut would most certainly be stress, not feeling good enough, possibly the voices that he hears (even with meds, they are still present). It just definitely sucks when something is out of your control, especially when it deals with a loved one hurting himself. I truly believe and he has expressed that it is not a suicide attempt. He had one of those many years ago as a teenager. It is more of a "release".
LuckyCupofTea is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-20-2018, 09:39 PM   #4
moonmorgan
Member
moonmorgan has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 51
My Mood: Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

3 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Re: Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
But I've also struggled with self harm (which I have kept entirely secret from my wife, by the way.)

I don't mean to hijack a thread (My response to LuckyCupofTea is below) but how do you keep it a secret? Doesn't she see it when you are intimate together?





LuckyCupofTea..


As someone who harms, what I wish my husband did when he finds out I'm harming is be supportive. Remind me why he doesn't want me to do it but not make me feel bad for doing it. Demanding I hand in my tools or show my cuts would make me angry and make me want to cut more. Offer to talk when he is feeling stressed (or even just listen) and see if he will come to you first before doing it.
__________________
Kathleen

SAHM to 5 kids
Loving Wife

Dx: Bipolar 2 (hypomania includes anger, irritabily, restlessness), mixed states, rapid cycling. Also get anxiety/panic, obsessions and slight paranoia from time to time.
Meds: 175mg Seroquel, 700mg Tegretol, 50mg Lamitrogine, 2mg Risperdal
moonmorgan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-22-2018, 08:52 AM   #5
LuckyCupofTea
Member
 
LuckyCupofTea's Avatar
LuckyCupofTea has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 51
1 hugs
given
Default Re: Husband's Self Harm - trigger warning

Hi Kathleen,

Thanks. I have never attempted to take away harmful objects or anything. I have expressed concern and possibly disappointment for the cutting, but I try very hard to do it in a way that comes across as supportive rather than judgmental.
LuckyCupofTea is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:16 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines