It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!! - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 12-21-2017, 03:21 PM #11
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Iím a few hours short of 30 days...not 100% convinced Iíll make it though.
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Old 12-21-2017, 04:03 PM #12
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Hang in there!!!!!




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Old 12-21-2017, 08:45 PM #13
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

303 days today! (10 months)
(I love the "part W" thing!)
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Old 12-23-2017, 07:09 PM #14
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

I had a dream - more like a nightmare - and my dream actually ended with the thought/decision "And now I'm going to self injure." I had decided to in my dream because of what happened in the dream.

So I woke about 10 minutes ago wanting to self injure really badly. Still want to. Parts of the dream were basically emotional abuse and PTSD-ridiculing through my mother and sister, and that is something that can happen and does happen in real life. (Well my sister doesn't do it - she's not deliberately insensitive, and not usually accidentally insensitive either - but my mother does, sometimes. Such as when I'm triggered by something she can't connect with what happened, she's real accusing and I have to defend myself. Just because it doesn't make sense to YOU that I'm triggered by asparagus doesn't mean I'm not triggered by it! (Yep, this is actually an example from real life. Asparagus reminds me of Stuff.)

Trying to temper the urge with "pdoc said to quit my new meds (been on them since Friday) if I got worse a lot, and that we might quit them on Wednesday if I got worse a little".
Don't want to quit the meds before I've given them the potential to actually help.

As for what to do now..
- PRN , but I'm very tired already and I took benzo sleep meds this evening. Not sure if I want to add another benzo.
- Lock bedroom door (physical barrier between me and mother, and also sister). Sounds like a real good idea only I don't feel like getting in a fight with my mother over it in the morning.
- Play the piano for a while to calm down. I think I'm too tired and woozy for that though.
- Call the clinic and talk to a nurse. Might help I think. Only drawside is that my call-or-come-as-needed contract with them ended om the 23rd (if I remember correctly) and my pdoc gave me a new one but that starts on the 26th.
Or maybe I'm not remembering correctly and current ends on the 26th also. Also, they aren't really difficult about it in my opinion - they know me, I have only made use of the contract less than 5 times myself (mother also called a couple of times when she was worried. For example when she suspected I was manic.).
- Call a helpline. Might help.
- Write out the dream in more detail so I can if I want discuss it with pdoc or T.
- Work on the story I'm writing. Main character is recovering from PTSD and I could write he has a nightmare. Then I'll either have him calm and reassure himself, or I'll have his housemate comfort/help him. It would make me feel reassured, comforted, safe, because he (my character) is.
- Try to sleep.

Think I'm going to lock the door and write about the dream. Then maybe call the clinic or helpline or take a PRN.
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Old 12-23-2017, 07:26 PM #15
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Hope things get easier breadfish.

I made it to a month for the first time in about 2 years... its a christmas miracle....
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Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure.
Failure - Breaking Benjamin

Last edited by whisperingskye; 12-23-2017 at 08:30 PM.
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Old 12-23-2017, 08:09 PM #16
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Congratulations whisperingskye!
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Old 12-24-2017, 01:57 PM #17
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

it's been 3 days
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Old 12-25-2017, 08:43 AM #18
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

4 days now
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:50 AM #19
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

5 days... Seems the only reason is because family in town and a trip to the ER would be difficult if it was bad enough to need it. Bit also, my pdoc put me back on naltrexone which helped in the past with self harm urges and that could be helping also.
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Old 12-25-2017, 05:37 PM #20
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Default Re: It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part W!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breadfish View Post
- Work on the story I'm writing. Main character is recovering from PTSD and I could write he has a nightmare. Then I'll either have him calm and reassure himself, or I'll have his housemate comfort/help him. It would make me feel reassured, comforted, safe, because he (my character) is.
Just wanted to say I write stories like this too, and if it's not too presumptuous, I also find it very helpful to imagine the help I need. Hope you are feeling a bit better today . Best wishes.













I think it's around two weeks for me.
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