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Old 12-19-2018, 10:10 PM   #21
KnitChick
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Originally Posted by RomanSunburn View Post
These are great ideas! I will definitely do some looking around. But now for my next question...! How did you muster up the courage/overcome the inertia (and anxiety if you had any?) to try it out?
Ok RomanSunburn. I definitely have these same issues that you do. For me, working through these things, there's not just one way, but a lot of ways, and I use all the tools available to me. I think sometimes, just having the mindset: "I'm going to show up, no matter what's going on with me, no matter how I'm feeling, I'll just show up as me in that moment," helps. Honestly I have been avoiding knitting group for I think over a month now. But I always put it on my calendar for the next week. So trust me, I have issues with this too.

I am also in a DBT group, and learning DBT skills. It helps.

Are you in therapy? Therapy with a good fitting therapist is very helpful too. Support helps.

Be patient. I have been working on these issues for years. Maybe it won't take you years. It started getting easier when I moved out of my parents house last year, and asked for help. I asked for what I needed (support) from others, and I don't believe there is any shame in that. You do have to let go of your ego a little, to do that. It also got easier when I found an antidepressant that helped.

I also think that there can be this preconception about anxiety like, unless we feel better, we can't go out and do it. In other words, we think we have to feel ready in order to do it and that is simply not often the case with anxiety. Yes, there are steps we can take to make it easier. And there's a hierarchy of easier stuff vs harder stuff for us. But you start to feel better about it after you've done it.

Same with inertia. Motivation. We think we must feel motivated first, and then go do the thing. Nope. Actually motivation comes, a lot of the time, once we've gotten up and moving and go towards the thing, start doing the thing, going to the thing, etc. "Motivation comes after action." Google that and you'll come up with a lot.

I hope I helped, RS. Let me know!
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Old 12-20-2018, 04:49 PM   #22
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So today was knitting group. I didn't go. I was nervous about it all day, thought I'd gotten a handle of it and some motivation, then drove to dunkin donuts and my parents house instead. I'm disappointed but I'll try again next week.
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Old 12-21-2018, 10:58 AM   #23
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So Christmas is here. It does not feel like it at all to me. Regardless, it's here in 3 days (Christmas Eve). Today is Friday, and since I don't have anything to do, I'm going to use it as my self care day. I will also go to the gym, clean my kitchen, and put my laundry away. But yeah. Self care day, rest day.
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Old 12-21-2018, 05:36 PM   #24
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Christmas seriously snuck up on me this year... I'm blaming the weather, but I seriously have no idea what happened...

To respond to you responding to me... I'm not currently in therapy. I had a really great therapist before we moved, but I just haven't been feeling motivated to find a new one here. Part of the problem is it took me probably a decade to actually find a good T that I absolutely loved and was actually able to help me. I had a lot of so-so ones before her, and even one downright terrible one that I think did way more damage than good. I'm just a little nervous about trying to find a new one. I honestly haven't been impressed with the healthcare system as a whole here. I realize I only moved from one part of the country to another, but everything is so different here (and in my eyes, less great) so I have a lot of trepidation about going through the work of finding a new T and pdoc.

I think a lot of what you said made sense, both about the anxiety and the motivation. If we wait to feel better and motivated, we'll never leave our house and never feel better. It's doing the things we don't want to do, but knowing they'll help us feel better, that will make us feel better. I happened to be in a crafting store the other day, and I picked up some flyers about taking classes there. They crocheting classes didn't interest me, but maybe a sewing or quilting class? At this point, I'm going to wait to get through the holidays and start seriously considering things in January.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I really appreciate it!
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Old 12-26-2018, 06:56 PM   #25
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Hi and hello! Well, as you all know, Christmas happened yesterday. What a whirlwind (of things, food, people, and emotions). Today I was super tired all day because I didn't sleep well last night. But it was a good day today.

I'm going to get back into the swing of things tomorrow. I have a list of things to get done. I am also going shopping tomorrow because I mean, Christmas money.

Have a good evening all.
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Old 01-01-2019, 12:33 PM   #26
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I don't know whether to post on her Knitchick or to start another thread. I'll try here. I've made a rule for myself after years of forcing myself to do things, workaholic stuff. If it's not an emergency, then I need to sit quietly with my self until I want to do it. Because wanting to do something means that I'm ready for a connection to that person/people to that task etc.

I guess this comes from doing a lot of meditation/ martial arts type stuff that emphasises relaxed action.

BUT here I am today and I need to get up very early tomorrow (if it's not raining) to burn some hedge clippings. I can't afford to pay for them to be collected like my neighbours do and since I have no car and almost never use airplanes I'm not going to get manipluated by the eco-brigade. I spread the potash ashes on my vegetable patch.

However in winter here getting up early means that it's still night... I need to do the bonfire so as to clear out my garage. Usually I'm ok about tidying, but I haven't been ok about getting up early this winter.

Might have to go back to the old habits of forcing it, set alarm, put warm clothes over my pjs.

This probably has no relevance to anyone here on this thread or PC. It's a way that I work with myself in absence of good therapy. Main reason for writing here is that often the distancing effect of "getting it out there" enables cogs to get freed up and to whir round internally.

The "connection" thing because it is changing how I hold boundaries in myself and with other people quite a lot. I never had time or space in my life to explore this previously.

Def not hijacking your thread Knitchick and hoping that the kniting group goes on being a way out into the world for you! You sound like you put some effort into finding the right one for you.

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Old 01-07-2019, 04:14 PM   #27
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Hi saidso, you can post in this thread if you want to. I don't take offense.

What you said makes sense to me about not forcing yourself to do something. We are all different and maybe that works for you. I find, for me, that if I want to do it, it's easier, but not always. I do think it is healthy for all of us to be able to make our own choices about our lives, and keep ourselves safe emotionally and physically. That was taken away from me when I was a teen and early 20s. I didn't really get to decide for myself (my mother decided for me), and fear ruled my life and kept me stuck as well.
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