|03-20-2017, 09:10 AM||#1|
not.dead.yet has no updates.
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: onboard a cloud
Past distorting my career choices
I'm trying to decide what to study, and something's messing me up.. My whole life, I've felt I want to help people - but at the same time, I feel this really intense hatred, almost, at the thought of having to help others..
I just realised it's to do with how I had to grow up.. I was always worrying about my mother, always trying to make sure she was alright - because if she lost it and became unable to take care of me, I wouldn't have had anyone. My dad didn't want me. And this trauma happened at an age when no one apart from my immediate family registered on my radar.. The only other person I had besides my mum was my brother, and he couldn't have done anything, he was a child himself.
Now I feel I need to just say I did not want to take care of my mother. I did not! I want to see what happens when I just put it out there, and hopefully have someone hear me.. Whether my dreams for my future will change I feel I need to put this to rest before I can know what I want to do..
|03-21-2017, 07:19 PM||#2|
Wise Old Troll
Skeezyks has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Minne-apple
Posts: 10,029 (SuperPoster!)
Re: Past distorting my career choices
"In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion." (Machig Labdrön- 11th century- Tibet)
"Confess your hidden faults. Approach what you find repulsive. Help those you think you cannot help. Anything you are attached to, let it go. Go to places that scare you." (Advice from her teacher to Machig Labdrön)
"Thanks for this!" says: