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Unread 02-12-2017, 11:03 AM   #1
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Default Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

I'm 28 now but back in high school, I did experience a form of bullying that had a deep impact on my life and the choices I took.
I lost a friend to another girl and it was her who picked on me. I wasn't confident probably down to my flat chest. I remember this girl when we were walking home one day said I walked like a duck she saw in an advert and her and a friend who was about to become an ex friend laughed hysterically. At the pictures one time they stole my glasses not caring if they broke them, my parents would have given me hell. When we went bowling I did a little celebration dance at a strike but it wasn't elaborate, but she exaggerated it and pointed in a laughing fit condescending me, it wasn't in good jest. English class I struggled to make out the teacher when I went up to get , my marks at his desk so I lent in with my head a few times and she laughed when I got back saying I was a pigeon, pecking. At this time a few girls would point out how I was flat chested. Thankfully I'm ok now, but I was really skinny then now I'm a little chubby.
I crept inside myself I think. Two other girls invited me out about six months later and I started to hang with them but again this girl who picked on me went around telling everyone shed saw me with them mocking me so I kept my distance and eventually I became good at martial arts, I had a steely determination like a vengeance running through me. Yet because of this girl I never got close to anyone for years, I remained distant.
I remember one time she was gossiping about a girl who had been anorexic and nobody was actually 100% sure if that's why she was off school for years as her parents were hush hush. But her sister told my mum she was doing really well when she was eating ONE yoghurt a day she stopped eating completely/ But I never joined in the gossip I kept it to myself a secret. I was above it all so I thought .
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Unread 02-12-2017, 03:13 PM   #2
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

Girls can be terrible to each other and if they feel a weakness in you they will try to get on to you even more. Try to see a Therapist, work on yourself and improve what needs to and be happy. It's easier said than done but you will be alright.
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Unread 02-13-2017, 03:06 AM   #3
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

Especially teenage girls. Even when I made a new circle of friends, they would all turn on me sometimes. One told the whole of my work I was still a virgin at 17. So I slept with a guy who had been in jail for manslaughter.
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Unread 02-17-2017, 05:32 AM   #4
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

I faced a lot of critisicm from someone who was like a teacher that i worked for. When i got ill he told my abiusive ex that i wasnt good enough for him and to think about what people would say about me and also him for staying. I faced the stigma that people said i would NEVER get better. My mum and dad, thought this and sly foxes from social work when inwas in psyche ward laid leaflets on my be ablut having long term care like a granny with dementi!
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Unread 02-17-2017, 05:36 AM   #5
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However my then doctor thought i could get a good job and that things would go back to normal.
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Unread 02-17-2017, 07:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

Yes I definitely recommend therapy if you have the time and money to afford it. Its always good to open up to someone else to help you get through it all. Im so sorry for the way those girls treated you. Some people take a sick pleasure in hurting other people for their own benefit. But sometimes because theyre just so messed up themselves.
Im a teenage girl, and although i wasnt bullied by another girl there were some girls I knew who were total b*tches. This one girl especially... who basically used me and then took my only friend i really cared about away from me. *sigh* I still wish i had done more about it to make things okay again. But well not all girls will bite you in the back, you just have to do a little searching (and trusting) to find them, but they're out there.
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Unread 02-20-2017, 10:33 AM   #7
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

I used to feel like that a lot of my girl pals just hung around with me until somebody better came along. Someone more effusive and uninhibited. So I sort of learned to rely on myself and spoke more to guys than girls. Guys seem to be so much less judgemental but there's the danger they want more on the other hand fact of life.
I think I tried to convince myself that this person never affected me that I had a tougher exterior, but I am a big girl now and I have to move on. But I realise to move on that you sometimes have to face the past.
So now what do I do about these intrusive thoughts , I am away to investigate
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Unread 06-11-2017, 08:29 AM   #8
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

Quote:
Originally Posted by VanGore28 View Post
I'm 28 now but back in high school, I did experience a form of bullying that had a deep impact on my life and the choices I took.
I lost a friend to another girl and it was her who picked on me. I wasn't confident probably down to my flat chest. I remember this girl when we were walking home one day said I walked like a duck she saw in an advert and her and a friend who was about to become an ex friend laughed hysterically. At the pictures one time they stole my glasses not caring if they broke them, my parents would have given me hell. When we went bowling I did a little celebration dance at a strike but it wasn't elaborate, but she exaggerated it and pointed in a laughing fit condescending me, it wasn't in good jest. English class I struggled to make out the teacher when I went up to get , my marks at his desk so I lent in with my head a few times and she laughed when I got back saying I was a pigeon, pecking. At this time a few girls would point out how I was flat chested. Thankfully I'm ok now, but I was really skinny then now I'm a little chubby.
I crept inside myself I think. Two other girls invited me out about six months later and I started to hang with them but again this girl who picked on me went around telling everyone shed saw me with them mocking me so I kept my distance and eventually I became good at martial arts, I had a steely determination like a vengeance running through me. Yet because of this girl I never got close to anyone for years, I remained distant.
I remember one time she was gossiping about a girl who had been anorexic and nobody was actually 100% sure if that's why she was off school for years as her parents were hush hush. But her sister told my mum she was doing really well when she was eating ONE yoghurt a day she stopped eating completely/ But I never joined in the gossip I kept it to myself a secret. I was above it all so I thought .
I found a new group of friends. I was blatantly depressed the first few years of high school, not just growing pains, it was a sleeping lion, caged in my mind.
I toughened up. A girl drew on my hoodie and I let rip on her until she burst out crying. I was mad. Nobody touched me in primary school as I was intelligent and they respected me. But teenagers can be so cruel. I told this girl she was just a sheep, and wanted to popular by taking orders from someone else, did she not have a mind of her own. What if this was a new hoodie and my parents wouldn't get me a new one....whatever I said, I went too far but It's not like I hadn't been pushed towards it by others.......
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Unread 06-11-2017, 08:44 AM   #9
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

I got loads of flak for not having big boobs. An old pal one time, told me to ignore them in French class, because I never showed I was upset at school, ever. And it is hard being the strong one all the time.
But everyone seemed to grow up and it didn't last. If someone said something to me in registration class I would whisper to my neighbour a retort and she would laugh and they got bored.
Me and my friends had no where to go. They hung around the park with older guys and went back to their houses, but barely any of my friends did drugs at all despite this. But my parents forbade me from going to their houses and threatened me if they found out AND believe me they WQULD have found out. I stay in an old town.
So that is why I spent so much time on my sport. I became very good, but not quite hitting the mark. I seemed to spread myself to thin. If I had just concentrated on school, but I never applied myself and the teachers knew fine well.
I remember the morning I got my exam results. I told my mum as she got up and she blindly ignored me. Never asked, didn't care . I didn't tell anyone. My pals didn't do comforting each other, or get the violins out. If you didn't laugh you would cry.
When my sports career was hitting the skids, before it had barely begun, I told one girl, "you are not missing out on anything" (drinking, partying etc.) and to keep doing what she was doing.
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Unread 06-11-2017, 10:31 AM   #10
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Default Re: Bullying and the indelible scar on the heart

I know when I was starting to get ill. I couldn't sleep in the car although I was exhausted. Couldn't sleep on that hard wooden floor.
I wanted to throw in the towel. Got humped. But I had grown used to it now. Couldn't concentrate....
I seen how in love this couple was and I knew winning wasn't everything.
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