Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Mental Health Support > Schizophrenia and Psychosis



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-12-2018, 02:56 PM   #21
Member
Unbrokensoulgeron has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: West Europe
Posts: 309 (SuperPoster!)
1 hugs
given
Default Re: Something beautiful

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist View Post
Since you thanked the reply above me... Let me share my story with you.

Before reading any of it, I warn you I am truly schizophrenic and what I say may not make perfect sense. But it's all true.

I am a seventeen year old schizophrenic who had a "very early onset." Read "Is Traumatic Brain Injury A Risk Factor for Schizophrenia? A Meta-Analysis of Case-Controlled Population-Based Studies" on the ncbi website. I was thrown on a wall by my father when I was three months old. My psychiatrist doesn't bother giving me therapy. I am about to explain you why.

Since I was a child I was traumatized by my parents. I was excluded from society (didn't let me go outside of school) (that includes my relatives, they didn't let me see them and vice versa.) I was constantly told I am a "failure" as I matured. I was told that I have to "create history and do something." I was constantly terrorized by the fights my parents had, funny enough -- not really, mental illness is not fun -- because of their own mental illness and altered perception.

I am not kidding you, I have lost my anger. I do not feel angry anymore. Nor do I feel sad. Or happy. Anything except fear and guilt/shame is alien to me now. I cannot stop daydreaming. I feel so physically exhausted every day... but here's the best (worst?) part.

Remember the part where I said I was excluded from society? I still am. While my friends ride motorbikes while wearing jackets and sunglasses on, I am here browsing the internet and wasting my life. I already have squint and I weigh 100kg. My friends are out there, studying in library with friends, or having lunch at a restaurant, or hitting the gym, some calmly listening to music and some you know, none of my business. They have their own geared bikes, they are trusted enough by others to have them give their four wheeler key, or money, or you know, girlfriend.

Some come in for fights for friends on the streets, some prefer doing laboratory work, some are busy chatting to Facebook friends, etc. etc. you get it.

I am only a person that has been home most of his life with his psychotic parents. "THEY MAY NOT BE PERFECT", sure, but you don't need the exact opposite, "terrible." You know, when I go to tuition or school, people victimize me (more so recently, after my symptoms have become obvious) and are like "My birthday's in X days, give me Y amount of money and I'll never forget it!" In short, what psychiatry calls victimization of patients, they have figured out that I am a "retarded psycho." While both me and my doctor know I am not.

The trouble is, I keep constantly forgetting what I originally wanted to say. So read on for more.

Anyway, I am in a very dire condition. I also have to see my sister go crazy the same way I did. She is only eight. I am homebound by my psychotic parents. And I don't want to involve the law enforcement either, because you know, they are my parents. I have already lost my future because of them. There's no point in getting them behind the bars (thus traumatizing my sister, she is going to lose her future too but like my doctor I cannot do anything.)

I wanted to be a be a doctor and save lives. I had huge respect for doctors because they treat persons for horrible diseases. Not anymore because I've found out that they cannot do anything either in the most dire of cases. First line, of course, continued : I cannot. I cannot withstand the rigor of med school due to my illness, which took away my life from me. Which was the blessing of my parents. They traumatized me, still do and will in future, there's no escape from my untimely death (all stress, all the isolation, all the genetic environment, all the emotions, all the fat) and I, who could have been the next House (Dr.Gregory House) was not destined to save the world.

You know what would have happened if I was born to normal people (good jobs, good mental health, good heart and most importantly good intelligence) I would have been a pretty normal person who got all the girls and won friends. I would have rode a Royal Enfield and/or a KTM and would have been a kind-of famous local medical student by this time. Now I am forced to do a B.Sc instead. I fancied myself pretty brilliant, but I got 48% in the high school boards (not from USA.)

So why all the rambling?

I needed to tell you something I have gone through some bad parenting as well, you shouldn't cry over it. Just now my mom is planning to leave the house tomorrow and take away my sister with her. I don't know what will happen, I am a victim of horrible parenting. My sister, who I aforementioned is only eight years old and will go crazy just like me. Even my doctor cannot do anything about my situation.

Even if your life is ruined (which is pretty sure not, both of your parents should have psychosis/dementia if you want it to be voluntarily ruined by them), do not lose hope as it is temporary and it too shall pass on. And even if it doesn't, don't cry, you are one of the millions, which I am one of, who died for no reason and had their life ruined.

Watch Mr Robot, play with your pet, go outside, do whatever in the hell that interests you and just forget that you cannot "be normal." Neither could I, but I am pretty cool about it. Some imaginary guys gave me PTSD, the severity of my psychosis. All because of my parents. But what can you do about it? That's just the law of the world, as Darwin put is, "Those who are not fit, perish." Even we as human beings sometimes aren't fit. Are we not animals?

I love you, dear stranger, but you're one of the many that could not be raised by good parents. I am one of them (as you've figured out by now), but after all, nothing can be done about it....

If I were you I would call a help line. In the UK we have child line and the NSPCC.
I have made amends with my family and I do not wish to open up old wounds. Once you break one stitch then you risk another one coming loose and then before you know it you start to unravel.
For now I will let sleeping dogs lie. No use crying over spilt milk.
Why do you speak like your life is over before it has begun?
There are people out there, in my city, county, country who have been through worse than myself but have managed to not make a pigs ear out of their young adult life or gone off the rails like I did.
There's the story about two brothers. Raised by an alcoholic abusive father. One grew up and followed in his foot steps and became a drunk where the other never touched a drop.
I had good things in my life. Friends. My grandparents. I was driven. I went to school. I had after school hobbies.
I played games with my parents. Went cycle runs. On trips. No one has a perfect life.
Unbrokensoulgeron is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Old 06-12-2018, 03:27 PM   #22
Member
Unbrokensoulgeron has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: West Europe
Posts: 309 (SuperPoster!)
1 hugs
given
Default Re: Keep doing your art

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unbrokensoulgeron View Post
My aunt knew
There was something off
Between the way
My mum would
Blow so hot and cold,
Much more cold than
The former . I always
Sensed that my mum
Did not want me
To do well
Because her life
Hadn't gone the
Way she had hoped.
Like I was a
Constant reminder of
Her life with my father.
She would say
She would check
The obituaries hoping
That he was dead.

We were out for
Lunch with our
More well off counterparts.
And she declared:
I have had a hard life.
And I was incensed
And I said some
Home truths seeing red.
I had been in hospital
And needed medication.
My mum never recieved
The pity she feel
She deserved from
Her marriage to my father.
Where she claimed
She was verbally abuse.
They brought up
A distant relative in
My grans side
Of the family when
The doctors questioned
Them behind my back.
Hoping it was a
Genetic defect I had
Inherited and that
There was nothing wrong
With my up-bringing.
I better clarify it was
Aunt on mum's side.
Crumpets. Red wine. Dudditts.
Watching the runners.
Passionate not anger.
Unbrokensoulgeron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2018, 02:47 AM   #23
Member
 
TheLonelyChemist's Avatar
TheLonelyChemist I've Come to Bargain!
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Always Chasing Cars
Posts: 252 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

240 hugs
given
Default Re: Something beautiful

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unbrokensoulgeron View Post
If I were you I would call a help line. In the UK we have child line and the NSPCC.
I have made amends with my family and I do not wish to open up old wounds. Once you break one stitch then you risk another one coming loose and then before you know it you start to unravel.
For now I will let sleeping dogs lie. No use crying over spilt milk.
Why do you speak like your life is over before it has begun?
There are people out there, in my city, county, country who have been through worse than myself but have managed to not make a pigs ear out of their young adult life or gone off the rails like I did.
There's the story about two brothers. Raised by an alcoholic abusive father. One grew up and followed in his foot steps and became a drunk where the other never touched a drop.
I had good things in my life. Friends. My grandparents. I was driven. I went to school. I had after school hobbies.
I played games with my parents. Went cycle runs. On trips. No one has a perfect life.
I am not from the West/UK. I have asked my uncle , who is a cop about the psychological abuse I am going through and he tells me nothing can be done until I turn 18 (which is this December.) I have asked both my aunts if I can live with them, but my mother especially refuses to even hear their recommendation of letting me live with them (my aunts.)


I have decided I won't marry. and therefore won't raise a family.
__________________
The Master of the Mystic End
TheLonelyChemist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2018, 12:39 PM   #24
Member
Unbrokensoulgeron has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: West Europe
Posts: 309 (SuperPoster!)
1 hugs
given
Default Your are soo anti social

When they said if they drunk too much they might not sleep at all, you said shh because it may have been a trigger for me. Not as I catastrophised to, that he may be defective like me. And you won't even remember saying I was being anti-social at a party down at your home. I was sensitive and I would have felt like a fraud speaking to your friends seeing as we were from different walks of life. The class divide is real and I was too shy to attempt to attempt to put aside the pretense for one night. You were a pompous *** to me that night. I went off and me and mum spoke to a uni/college lecturer for a while. And I dotted about. But I didn't want to be clingy and I half hoped someone may have asked why I was upset. I was clutching at straws.
Unbrokensoulgeron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2018, 07:09 AM   #25
Member
Unbrokensoulgeron has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: West Europe
Posts: 309 (SuperPoster!)
1 hugs
given
Default All black beat up sneaks

I apologise for laughing when your heel snapped. Your trainers were fine. Kids will be kids. Ice skating prank. Long line now let go. Triple salchow. Dull and dowdy. Curiosity killed the cat. We will give her a permanent day to herself. Us women don't bear grudges, we act on them so we can put them to sleep. Goodbye.
Unbrokensoulgeron is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:23 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines