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Old 02-13-2019, 07:05 PM #601
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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I take 1200mg of it. Yes there's a generic, Oxcarbazepine
Does it come with any side effects? How well does it work for you?
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:08 PM #602
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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Does it come with any side effects? How well does it work for you?


I first started it at 900mg, I got really dizzy for the first few weeks and had some balance problems. After a year it was upped to 1200mg. At first wth this dose I experienced extreme tiredness. I could hardly get out of bed for a couple of weeks but that went away. It helps me now. Certainly keeps me from experiencing any euphoria which is miss.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:10 PM #603
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

Im so sorry bluebird

For what its worth im almost losing my faith too. I dont pray like i want to anymore. Never really have but i feel less connected with god. I keep pushing him back and away from my life. It doesnt help that the bf doesnt believe. Thats a huge downside for me in this relationship. But idk. I need faith and strength again. I tell myself every week im gonna goto church and i just cant. I cant bring myself to do it. It hurts too much spiritually for me to go. I know if i go ill cry and i just want to cry alone.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:15 PM #604
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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Im so sorry bluebird

For what its worth im almost losing my faith too. I dont pray like i want to anymore. Never really have but i feel less connected with god. I keep pushing him back and away from my life. It doesnt help that the bf doesnt believe. Thats a huge downside for me in this relationship. But idk. I need faith and strength again. I tell myself every week im gonna goto church and i just cant. I cant bring myself to do it. It hurts too much spiritually for me to go. I know if i go ill cry and i just want to cry alone.


Thanks Newtus

I'm sorry you're struggling with your faith too.

I used to feel so connected to God and my faith. I actually haven't been to church in several months now. I feel nothing when I pray now. I know it's about faith and not feelings but it's hard since I really was serious in my spiritual life before. I felt emotionally connected. I pray, I feel nothing. I go to church I feel nothing. I literally went to midnight mass this year, my favorite thing ever which normally awes me and makes me feel so wonderful being there. I felt nothing this time
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:19 PM #605
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My spirituality has gone down the drain recently.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:26 PM #606
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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Im so sorry bluebird

For what its worth im almost losing my faith too. I dont pray like i want to anymore. Never really have but i feel less connected with god. I keep pushing him back and away from my life. It doesnt help that the bf doesnt believe. Thats a huge downside for me in this relationship. But idk. I need faith and strength again. I tell myself every week im gonna goto church and i just cant. I cant bring myself to do it. It hurts too much spiritually for me to go. I know if i go ill cry and i just want to cry alone.
A friend of mine goes to this church in Charlotte.....they put their sermons online, you might want to check it out.

Sermons - Elevation Church
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:27 PM #607
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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There's no reason. I think my meds are fine probably. I'm just sick of being crazy. Having mental problems beginning at 12, that's half my life and a large amount of that time consumed in voices and other stuff. I just feel like I'm tired of trying. I've had long periods of relief but it always comes back. Im prolonging the inevitable, someday I'll be whatever age still being frustrated with this stuff and seeing no point in life but hoping for a better "tomorrow" that will never come, then I'll die , like everyone does, and that's the end of that. No point. I don't even know if God exists anymore. I don't feel connected to him at all now.

Thoughts like these have been coming and going for months and I kept trying to push them away because I figured they're just random intrusive thoughts. Put they keep coming back out and are consuming my mind even though I don't want them to. I don't want to die, I really am not a negative person, but sometimes that seems like the only way out of this.

There's a good book by Viktor Frankl named "Man's Search for Meaning". It doesn't quite tell you what each person's meaning is, but it's the story of a Jew during the holocaust who was in teh worst concentration camps, even Auswitz, and the only reason they kept him around really is that he had a medical mind. He lost his family to the bad guys, but he never lost hope, and he found that if we can attach meaning to our lives then we become stronger, more focused, and more willful.

Mine was to become a philosophy professor and pass on my knowledge, curiosity, and doubt to a younger generation while tapping into the aesthetic domain. As everyone knows, I lit that dream on fire, and after I earned enough credits to graduate and left the university life, I was very suicidal. My emotions were out of this world, but I decided I'd start to "try and write" without having any training on how to write a novel. I started one book, where God asks Faust to come back into the mortal realm and teach a clever child. It's interesting to go back and read the fragments.

I eventually scrapped it, but I kept a word file on my smart phone and kept on jotting down notes until something crystalized, which became my novel that's 99% done. Even after that book is completed I have the 2nd half, and then another book i wrote an outline for called Torch, the title being a sort of double entendre.


Nobody will finish my books, so i have to stick around and finish them myself i guess. It gives me meaning and a way to pass on what I've learned in an aesthetic way. It might be better to do writing, rather than teaching, because I wont have collected another 30k in debt the way im doing it right now.


People typically find meaning when connecting themselves with the whole of humanity, either through, religion, art, truth, or love.. These are the only ones i can think about right now. I'm sure there are others, but Im just being general right now. Have you read the bible yet? I have a Scofield bible that helps me interpret what the bigger messages in the bible there are. I have the NKJV version that helps me a lot. This new version is very well translated, it's just updated some of the language so that we can understand more.


One thing I find interesting is in the book of John where they start out with "In the beginning was the Word." It is translated out of the Greek with "logos". Logos means many things, including mind, word, or reason. I think it's more fitting for it to be reason, because the first thing a human being does when constructing something is find a reason to do so. Plus reasons are interesting thigns, they are the first in conception, and last in design as it is finished. In other words, reasons are the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, just like christ is.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:29 PM #608
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I first started it at 900mg, I got really dizzy for the first few weeks and had some balance problems. After a year it was upped to 1200mg. At first wth this dose I experienced extreme tiredness. I could hardly get out of bed for a couple of weeks but that went away. It helps me now. Certainly keeps me from experiencing any euphoria which is miss.
Tiredness is something I could use... and it may be a better alternative than Seroquel... I'm going to have a shat with my psychiatrist over this in a vouple months then...
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:32 PM #609
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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Im so sorry bluebird

For what its worth im almost losing my faith too. I dont pray like i want to anymore. Never really have but i feel less connected with god. I keep pushing him back and away from my life. It doesnt help that the bf doesnt believe. Thats a huge downside for me in this relationship. But idk. I need faith and strength again. I tell myself every week im gonna goto church and i just cant. I cant bring myself to do it. It hurts too much spiritually for me to go. I know if i go ill cry and i just want to cry alone.
Why does it bring pain? Why will you cry? It's never to late to start going, so itll be there when you're ready! I go about once a year with my grandmother and mother while i visit them in Florida.
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:42 PM #610
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Default Re: Roll Call 143

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Tiredness is something I could use... and it may be a better alternative than Seroquel... I'm going to have a shat with my psychiatrist over this in a vouple months then...
Good luck having a "shat" with your doctor
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