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Old 12-05-2017, 10:49 PM   #191
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Default Re: Confessions of a guilty conscience

Boy-oh-boy can I relate.......I relate so very much and Iím sorry you go through all that. Itís really difficult when you are at odds on how to raise your kid. I had to contend with being at odds with how to raise my son with my husband, my sonís birth father, my mother and my dad.......conflicting thoughts and ideas abound which confused everything so much and didnít help my son much. Can you tell me a bit about your son and his bipolar? Iím interested as I believe my son has it too. My son is diagnosed with mood disorder right now and I hope itís depression instead of bipolar.......not that one is really better than the other but one less side of the spectrum to worry about if itís depression. Yes, partying all night is a bunch of bad news with bipolar.....Iíve learned that the hard way and my son has yet to fully grasp it. I hope he never needs to fully grasp it.

Iím working to build myself physically and mentally so I can help my kids.........I am making progress just not quick enough. I relate to being better than I was a few months ago......Iím glad you are better and I hope it stays that way for both of us. (((Hugs)))
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Old 12-06-2017, 03:30 AM   #192
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Default Re: Confessions of a guilty conscience

I only suspect my son has bipolar traits but he has never been diagnosed. Traits like feeling overly happy (that's not all bad ), an inability to sleep, racing thoughts, impulsiveness, becoming easily distracted, and taking on way more than he should then wearing himself out trying to complete an unrealistic amount of work then crashing in exhaustion eventually from it all. I do these things too. My diagnosis is mood disorder, GAD and MDD -- except for my last episode, most of my MDD episodes have never lasted that long and it seems like they are triggered by stress and trauma. The over day, my daughter even commented that as a child, she remembers me as a positive person (that I was an encouraging mother). I am sure my attempt triggered a period of depression for my son and this effected his motivation to get to work on time for a while.

During the primary grades, some of his teachers thought he might need medication to help his concentration (ADD) but my H does not believe in ADD and I also think to many school children are put on the medications. Though I recognize some kids need them--just think they are overused--believe in trying to manage kids attention spans naturally when possible. I do think that electronics plays a part in the situation (to much TV and time on smart phones or computers may be partially to blame.) Also, kids are pushed to early to sit down and write for long periods from my POV. They should be given more opportunities to learn through play and exercise in the primary grades (K-2) than many schools are currently doing. For instance, in my children's elementary school while they were growing up--they only had a scheduled PE class once every 2 weeks! I do not regret not putting him medication.

Also, from what I have read, medications for ADD can trigger mania anyways (if you are bipolar, he has not been diagnosed). I went without medications until age 48--now that I have started I feel dependent (like I can't go back). I want my son to try going to a therapist before going to a psychiatrist. Of course, this is my opinion only, he is an adult and it is his decision but I have been open with him about all my mental issues. While we are different (especially the part about him being male)--we do agree that our temperaments have many similarities. If our sons are bipolar, since they are adults, I think all we can do is talk to them about it. I think even when you are on medications, when you are bipolar, you have to learn to self monitor and manage your symptoms. IMO even when you are on medication, it can be helpful to listen to your own body and adjust medications based on whether they are making you feel to manic or depressed. I do think presciptions for mental health medications only work well when the psychiatrists use enough patient feedback. Some medications can even make us worse!

Elsa--your work is going to pay off down the road! Keep at it. Are you able to talk to your son on a regular basis? I think being honest about our situations and telling are sons how much we love them (it is obvious to me that you are the type that likely tells your son this) might be all we can do. Plus providing resources when we can--but within reason--we also have to encourage them to work....
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Old 12-06-2017, 04:27 AM   #193
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Default Re: Confessions of a guilty conscience

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars View Post
......conflicting thoughts and ideas abound.....
I wonder if this is just something many, many women face? In order to survive this world we have to be strong yet there are times when I feel like men find us more more attractive when we are dependent and deferential. A good mother is caring but we also have to teach our children to be independent. It is so easy to get confused by all the roles society expects us to play. Is this because of what people around us expect or because of our hormones? I think we are constantly conflicted because of both--crazy cultural expectations and our physiology!
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Old 12-09-2017, 04:20 AM   #194
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I am sorry you feel so bad about yourself right now you are experiencing doubts, which everyone does as that is what i've learned in my life. My religion i don't like to push on anybody, but it has helped me greatly. You have to love yourself first too before you can love others. I count my blessings every day because i know it could be different some other day.good luck!
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Old 12-09-2017, 11:18 AM   #195
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Default Re: Confessions of a guilty conscience

Thank you AVlady. I need help bad.....my feelings and experiences regarding g faith and religion are all over the place. One second I believe the next I donít......and which one to believe in? And do I have to believe in all of it or can I just believe the parts which make sense or the symbolism which feels most likely........can I go to church with these doubts? Would I be welcome in church? Am I well enough to attend? I want to go.....to see what and how I feel when Iím there.

Iím glad you have your faith AVlady.......I spent a few years being VERY down on religion.....feeling it destructive and stupid and I wish I could take it all back but then my mind goes there again and starts feeling that way again. Iíve just known so many religious people who didnít practice what they preached......I guess thatís just a very human thing to do.
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Such a charming man with the voice of an angel

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iHywjTem4IY
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Old 12-09-2017, 06:53 PM   #196
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Default Re: Confessions of a guilty conscience

I don't regret at all my shunning of religions. I think they all spend too much time fighting about who's god is the best when they are essentially worshipping in reference to the same relative ideals:
Do the right thing. You aren't always right. Love and respect others.
Bill and Ted has it right with "be excellent to each other."
Haha, made myself laugh a bit there
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