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Unread 05-08-2017, 09:53 AM   #1
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Default Paranoia about telling details?

Does anyone else get paranoia about giving the details of what goes on for you? Is this a part of the illness or just sound judgement perhaps. I had many things happen recently which my husband says are delusions and part of my illness. I mostly believe him but I can't tell my doctor or even write here anonymously about it. My fear is that it will be used to torment me. If my doctor is a sociopath or puts this information in my file, I feel it could be used to torment me in the future. If I write about it here, people can use the details to tailor make a torture experience. Do you understand my logic or relate to it? I've been told it's important to tell my doctor everything, but if this gets in the wrong hands I'm screwed. I've told my doctor vague aspects which I hope are good enough and my husband knows about pretty much all of it. Is this sufficient? I'm still in the episode and still increasing my meds slowly so perhaps I won't feel so secretive about it later? Can anyone relate or weigh in on this? (((Hugs)))
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Unread 05-08-2017, 11:45 AM   #2
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

Well, if I had told my parents that I had driven the car over 115 MPH--Would let me continue using the car?
If I told them I had SI--Would they have let me go to a university 210 miles away? If I had been treated for MI--Would I have been accepted into AFROTC?
Sometimes things we say can be used against us....it is not all paranoia.
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Unread 05-08-2017, 12:54 PM   #3
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

Are you diagnosed schizoeffective hoping? I can see keeping secrets in your situation as you are protecting yourself to allow yourself to do certain things and live a fuller life. In my situation it's a bit different I feel. But I think the core of what you are saying indicates I have good reason to be concerned and I appreciate your honesty. I'm taking the medications and they do know about what I feel is important for them to know. My delusions were rather specific, telling me why people do what they do to me and telling me what will happen if I tell anyone other than my hubby so I think I will trust my gut. My husband says it's all delusions and while some of it undoubtedly has to be and I'm clear enough to see that, some of it is undeniably real. There is just this part of me that wants to share it....to get it all out and hear I'm not alone in having these experiences....but the consequences are too dire. Best to be silent.
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Unread 05-08-2017, 01:36 PM   #4
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

I am diagnosed with a mood disorder and depression. I am on the bipolar spectrum but not sure how far. I hate taking things that help my anxiety because they impact my ability to think (and I consider myself average and way to absentminded as it is). I sleep 6 hours a night (mostly, once in a while I get more) but when I have anxiety issues due to deadlines or worries--less than that for a few days at a time. Sometimes I have paranoia (not that often) and when I do, some part of my fear is based on the truth--paranoia is 10-90 percent reality and the rest of it is our imagination. Sometimes, I easily get caught up in other peoples problems and some workplaces have taken advantage of this (I get "gung ho" and work overtime--how silly in retrospect.). Of course, I do not see things that are not there (psychosis). If you are not going to self harm (you are so sweet, I would hate for you to make your pain worse) then I think it is usually best to continue to gather evidence and study (books/internet) the situation you are concerned about until you are sure about what you should do........
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Unread 05-08-2017, 01:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

I rarely take anxiety meds myself and now they aren't prescribed to me so I won't be able to. I worry about taking anything that reduces my already reduced facilities also. I used to be rather intelligent and I think I still am in some ways but learning new information has been very challenging for me for many years now. Even things I really care about learning. Too much pot and beer perhaps. Too much psychosis damaging my brain maybe. I don't fully know. I'm so sorry you were taken advantage of at work .....after working overtime and everything! That is just sad and how very pitiful of them to do that to you. Do you feel rested after 6 hours or always feel in a tired daze? No, my delusions were rather specific about not harming myself this time. I'm safe in that regard but if I don't improve mentally I can't imagine going on so there is that to contend with. I need to learn strategies for dealing with this curse I think. I need to learn to trust enough to make some friends .....I'm not religious but feel church might be my only option to meet the kind of people I'm looking to meet. There is hope right now. My anxiety is a killer though.....it's keeping me running in place all the time. I used to smoke pot and it helped but now makes it worse so I'm kinda stuck on what to do. I expect much more from myself than I've been able to accomplish in a long, long time. Maybe church will help.....maybe it really will. I don't have to believe everything to get something out of it but I feel my going would be dishonest. Maybe I will just be open and explain my real reasons for going and someone will accept me (not take pity on me but really accept me). I don't know....I need to do something and doctors can only do so much.
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Such a charming man with the voice of an angel

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Unread 05-08-2017, 02:33 PM   #6
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

Prayer helped me through an extremely rough night this year. It's like my belief is stronger when I am down and out. Lately, I pray that my faith will be strengthened. I have always struggled with doubts. It's like sometimes a person's love and sadness is as big as the universe so to feel so much there must be an infinite power/energy behind it all. Something greater than we are born and just return to dust. People who are sincere and without ego would be accepting of your honesty and desire to grow and find your way in this life. I think your current faith is a reasonable place to start--none of us have exactly the same view--I think you should give it a try....
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Unread 05-08-2017, 08:08 PM   #7
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

I have trouble explaining my symptoms orally, but I can write my experiences down usually. I use that as a tool during pdoc sessions when I don't feel comfortable talking.
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Unread 05-08-2017, 08:18 PM   #8
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

My birthday is Angel numbers talking to me. I've always known there was something in Those numbers. I'm going to try church as soon as I can settle on one to try out. It may take trying a few to find the one that clicks or the people I click with. All but the most devout have doubts so perhaps I will even meet someone whose thoughts on the subject align with my own.

I have a hard time articulating some experiences too Franz. But what I'm speaking of is different. I had a very intense episode this time. Very intense. I was given information that completely changed my whole outlook on myself, the world, the people I share this world with. Everything I once thought I knew has been altered in significant ways. My husband says this will all go away and is just the nature of being delusional but I really think it's more than that. I'm just afraid the info will be used against me but people on this board have told me to be open and to tell my doctor everything so he can best help me. Can I avoid specifics and speak in generalities while still being true to this advise?
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if this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear, you can call me up, cause you know I'll be there -Cyndi Lauper True Colors

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HFiz-j66X74

In a world FULL OF PEOPLE *scream*

Such a charming man with the voice of an angel

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iHywjTem4IY
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Unread 05-08-2017, 08:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

I always speak generally. Probably not the best idea but if I don't want to freak people out and get sent IP that's what I have to do. I'm as general as I am on this board sometimes more general.
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Unread 05-08-2017, 08:54 PM   #10
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

Not being married I have no one who knows my delusional thoughts deeply and I don't tell docs cause I'm afraid it would change my diagnosises from BP. Plus I think it would change how people act around me. When I'm stable I wonder how I could have thought that but then there's part of me that still holds on to those beliefs. I wonder what the true reality is. My meds are working now and I don't feel that I need to share these thoughts and concerns with anyone..........makes me feel lonely and isolated sometimes though all that wondering.
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