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Unread 05-08-2017, 11:14 PM   #11
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
Not being married I have no one who knows my delusional thoughts deeply and I don't tell docs cause I'm afraid it would change my diagnosises from BP. Plus I think it would change how people act around me. When I'm stable I wonder how I could have thought that but then there's part of me that still holds on to those beliefs. I wonder what the true reality is. My meds are working now and I don't feel that I need to share these thoughts and concerns with anyone..........makes me feel lonely and isolated sometimes though all that wondering.
(((Hugs))). I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you. You can PM ME ANYTIME .....I truly promise I'm a good listener, non judgmental and would always have your best interests at heart. My husband was a mental health professional so I am luckier than I deserve to have him to confide in. With my trust issues, I feel he was sent to me specifically to help me through. I help him through with some of his specific issues also. Feeling lonely and isolated is so hard. I truly extend my hand to you in friendship and want you to know you can write me anytime if your mi d will allow you to share. I know sharing can be difficult.

Miguel's Mom, I think I will continue to be vague and just touch on key points or say I'm symptomatic. I'm not currently a danger to myself and I think that is the only needed info my doc needs regarding actual specifics. I can get the point across without being specific and I think that's actually the healthier and safer route. When I give too much information, I do get treated different and then I resent them having that information so best not to share it unless I'm a danger to myself. Some of the stuff that happened recently did make me momentarily a danger to myself but my husband helped me reach out for help and my bed increases are working which is the most important thing.

(((Hugs to Nammu and Miguel's Mom)))
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Unread 05-08-2017, 11:40 PM   #12
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

i dunno. im learning not to tell shrinks too much, because i had shrinks who tormented me (involuntary shock 'treatments,' anyone? ugh...).

these days, i take the psych drugs i need to stay out of a hospital and not waste my life. that's about the extent of it. psychiatrists kinda bother me. i mean, they're doctors, right? why should a doctor--who is trained to treat --medical problems-- force their value system on me? and define me? and construct a narrative and tell --me-- my life story?

sorry. i guess im saying...i understand your caution. i dont think its paranoia. i think as long as you're medicated enough to stay stable-ish, you can be more cautious about what you tell your psychiatrist and other mental health 'professionals'.

((just my opinion, of course...))
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Unread 05-09-2017, 02:11 AM   #13
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

i am also afraid to express and have a hard time expressing myself oraly too. i have secrets i live with that i know the responses i would get. Negative ones. i wrote journals but stopped a few years ago. it did help although.good luck!
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Unread 05-14-2017, 06:51 PM   #14
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

I have explained my symptoms to several friends over the years, and sometimes they ask for more details while other times they don't ask. Psychosis is a really strange illness, because it is based on reality but deviates all around the place. I am pretty sure I am not really receiving a Nobel Prize, and it seems clear that 9/11 really happened, and on and on. But there are days, most days actually, when the delusions are in charge, and I run around in a dream world.

There is always a risk that some unscrupulous person could use your MI experiences against you, if you share in a forum like this one, but I think that's pretty rare.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 12:20 PM   #15
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

Sounds like you have a good husband there ElsaMars. It is good to have a safe person to talk with. I have had different experiences with different councilors and doctors as far as trust goes. I guess you just have to get a feel for them first and go from there. Maybe your husband could give you some advice or possible go with you.
I met this guy online about 12 years ago who turned out to be really a good councilor for me. He didn't have a degree in psychology but had did a lot reading and research. He wrote a book that I came across and his theory really rang true to me when I looked back at some of the content of my psychotic episodes. I found his website and emailed him and we got to be pretty good online friends. He passed away about a year and a half ago unfortunately. My therapy now consist of mainly reading books. I guess there is a term for it called Bibliotherapy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibliotherapy

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I heard kind of a humorous saying a while back;

The difference between a madman and a mystic is the mystic knows who not to tell.
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Unread 05-17-2017, 11:32 PM   #16
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

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I have explained my symptoms to several friends over the years, and sometimes they ask for more details while other times they don't ask. Psychosis is a really strange illness, because it is based on reality but deviates all around the place. I am pretty sure I am not really receiving a Nobel Prize, and it seems clear that 9/11 really happened, and on and on. But there are days, most days actually, when the delusions are in charge, and I run around in a dream world.

There is always a risk that some unscrupulous person could use your MI experiences against you, if you share in a forum like this one, but I think that's pretty rare.
I'm pretty sure it's rare too but certain things I just will not share and I think that is ok. I think I will tell my doctor about most of it but not all as I just cannot gather that kind of trust right now. Maybe in the future perhaps. Hopefully I won't have another break.....I'm staying on my meds now. I was told some rather important stuff recently and I do feel it's not all delusions either but nobody can know for sure in matters like these so all that matters in the end is how I feel about them. They don't harm me or others so it don't matter either way if they are true or not but I really wish there was some measurable way to know for sure.
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Such a charming man with the voice of an angel

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Unread 05-17-2017, 11:35 PM   #17
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

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Sounds like you have a good husband there ElsaMars. It is good to have a safe person to talk with. I have had different experiences with different councilors and doctors as far as trust goes. I guess you just have to get a feel for them first and go from there. Maybe your husband could give you some advice or possible go with you.
I met this guy online about 12 years ago who turned out to be really a good councilor for me. He didn't have a degree in psychology but had did a lot reading and research. He wrote a book that I came across and his theory really rang true to me when I looked back at some of the content of my psychotic episodes. I found his website and emailed him and we got to be pretty good online friends. He passed away about a year and a half ago unfortunately. My therapy now consist of mainly reading books. I guess there is a term for it called Bibliotherapy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibliotherapy

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I heard kind of a humorous saying a while back;

The difference between a madman and a mystic is the mystic knows who not to tell.
I like that quote! Good stuff! My husband really is wonderful and it was fate that we met. It was destined and I prayed for exactly him in such specifics.....there is no way around it being fated. My husband will support my decision either way but feels strongly I should tell my doctor about everything, sparing no details. I'm still unsure. Some of it I need to I think but it's okay to keep some things private as long as it's not overly dangerous to do so. Thanks for your reply and for listening. (((Hugs)))
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if this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear, you can call me up, cause you know I'll be there -Cyndi Lauper True Colors

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HFiz-j66X74

In a world FULL OF PEOPLE *scream*

Such a charming man with the voice of an angel

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iHywjTem4IY
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Unread 05-18-2017, 07:42 AM   #18
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

In my experience, there were times when I didn't share everything with everyone because of (poisoning) paranoid delusions. I did not want "responsible" parties alerted. Other times of heightened delusions, I did not share pertinent info because I "knew" EVERYONE was in on the whole conspiracy; so, it was pointless to be redundant. (Besides which--they could read my mind.)

Even in relatively stable circumstances though, Elsa, your point is well taken. Sharing too much may mean being hospitalized against our will. Once you have confided in the wrong person, it is more than possible that everyone within that person's sphere of contacts is told. Therefore, those who endeavor to keep their medical conditions private discover the whole world knows--meaning most will never look at us the same again.

Numbers have taken on a new significance for me, too. It can be exhausting trying to decipher all the messages and their meaning. I order my brain to cease to no avail. Also, seeing specific numbers--sometimes birth dates or birth years--immediately brings images of special people in my life to mind. That was never the case before.

As far as religion, it played a major role most of my life until my psychotic break. Overnight, I no longer believed, and was shocked I ever had. I DO believe there is order and meaning to all this. Desire to understand all the intricacies of life's ultimate meaning contributes to my mind's constant chaos.

Whatever you choose to do, how I hope it brings you peace. I definitely share your view of always taking what good you can from a situation and leaving the rest.



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Unread 05-18-2017, 10:35 AM   #19
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoe View Post
Sounds like you have a good husband there ElsaMars. It is good to have a safe person to talk with. I have had different experiences with different councilors and doctors as far as trust goes. I guess you just have to get a feel for them first and go from there. Maybe your husband could give you some advice or possible go with you.
I met this guy online about 12 years ago who turned out to be really a good councilor for me. He didn't have a degree in psychology but had did a lot reading and research. He wrote a book that I came across and his theory really rang true to me when I looked back at some of the content of my psychotic episodes. I found his website and emailed him and we got to be pretty good online friends. He passed away about a year and a half ago unfortunately. My therapy now consist of mainly reading books. I guess there is a term for it called Bibliotherapy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibliotherapy

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I heard kind of a humorous saying a while back;

The difference between a madman and a mystic is the mystic knows who not to tell.
Thanks for "bibliotherapy."

I loved the joke, and if others "know what's good for them" they will, as well. The field of Psychoneuroimmunology endorses Therapeutic Humor--the mind healing the body. Of course, one man's joke is another man's insensitive barb, so you're on your own in that regard.

Seriously, nothing has ever been as consistently effective for me as humor.

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* Of course I'm out of my mind; it's dark and scary in there!

* SO, apparently rock bottom has a basement.

* Sometimes I wrestle with my demons; sometimes we just snuggle.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 12:20 AM   #20
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Default Re: Paranoia about telling details?

ElsaMars;

I mentioned in an earlier post that I have several MI friends who I share details of my illness with. This year I am writing a mental illness memoir with some of my experiences getting laid down in black and white for the first time. I asked my friends, "Should I mention episodes of violence in my illness?" One friend warned me to not say anything I don't want coming back at me, and the other said, "Go for it; tell the real story and show readers how psychosis works."

I have decided to try out the truth in the early draft, and then scale back as self-protection kicks in. I don't mind breaking ground in areas that everyone else finds unpalatable, but then there is just antagonizing people for shock value, and what good is that?

If you are worried that some of your MI experiences could come back to haunt you, then by all means keep them to yourself. My voices say such incredibly ugly things that I know sharing them will cost me friendships and family ties and would probably get me sued. It's not "spilling secrets," it's psychosis saying horrible things. But a lot of people don't separate psychosis from reality; to these people, if you are hearing voices, they are reality. They are revealing not symptoms but your inner reality. This leads to very strange conversations about the nature of reality; if planes slam into Twin Towers, did that happen in the real world, or in your psyche? Etc.
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