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Unread 01-11-2017, 10:00 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraBeth View Post
Hi, I have had too much loss and grief over the past decade. I am so anxious all the time, and sometimes very depressed, that I feel like I am afraid to be happy. The reason I am afraid to be happy is because I know that I will eventually be sad and anxious again. My huge fear is that if I am happy God will make me miserable again - even though I don't really believe that God would do such a thing. So there's a huge conflict, and it is exhausting to me. It's draining my life away. I am also afraid that there's some kind of universal energy/being that will cause extreme sadness for me if I feel happy or joyful. I ask God for help, I ask God to take this crazy thinking from me, but at the same time I am terrified of bad things happening. So it's like I'm rejecting God's help at the very time I am asking for help.

If anyone has some insight and feedback on this problem, I would sure appreciate it.
-L.
Hi LauraBeth , I was struck by what you shared. I have felt the same way for my WHOLE LIFE. Afraid to be happy because I knew I would pay for it somehow with pain. Firstly , I don't believe God punishes me anymore.
Today I believe that there is a spiritual presence in the universe and in me.
What messed me up was what organized religion did to me psychologically.

The world is made up of good and evil. Sometimes one more than the other.
For me , I have to just know that I am neither being rewarded or punished. I need to get my thinking straight. When you really think about it we have very little control over anything. Just let life happen and deal with whatever comes your way the best you can .
I realized over the years that this is a psychological problem. Not spiritual.
You talk about anxiety , depression , fear , these are all treatable psychological
problems.
I believe God wants us to be happy. It's a constant battle. But one you can overcome psychologically as been shown throughout history.

Best of luck to you
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Unread 01-15-2017, 11:48 AM   #22
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Default Re: Spiritual PTSD

continuously blue, What a thoughtful post. Thank you! I am taking your words to heart.
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Unread 01-15-2017, 12:04 PM   #23
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I think when one is severely depressed any small amount of relief is welcomed. However, it doesn't resolve the entire problem. I have happy moments but return to a baseline severe depression. That is what I am dealing with now. I am looking for a counselor or therapist but in the meantime I call and talk with people on crisis hotlines. I am trying to build my coping skills.

The problem is when everything becomes overwhelming. Especially with "grief and loss" issues.

Anxiety along with depression is particularly overwhelming.

No one can really tell you about your relationships with God. I think in your initial post you were talking about some negative force that would keep you from God. That might actually be the depression shape shifting within your own consciousness.

It is helpful for me to realize that we can bring anything and everything into our prayers including our doubts and fears. And our depression. We can talk to God about all of this. I myself pray something called "the heart prayer." I have done meditation for years but when I am overwhelmed sometimes meditation isn't that effective. It also feels cold while prayer feels warm.

Ultimately we need to become strong enough to hold the pain and not let it overwhelm us. I guess that's what therapists are supposed to help us do.
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Unread 01-15-2017, 03:48 PM   #24
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Thank you DD! I really like the idea that I can talk to God about the very issue that bothers me...fear of God.
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Unread 01-15-2017, 10:13 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by LauraBeth View Post
Thank you DD! I really like the idea that I can talk to God about the very issue that bothers me...fear of God.

Yes. Unburden your heart.
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Unread 01-24-2017, 07:55 PM   #26
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I want to thank each of you who offered your thoughts and help on this thread. Your posts have helped me so much.

Interestingly, my anti-depressant was raised shortly after I posted this thread and I feel less fearful about God now. I do believe such thoughts can definitely be the voice of depression. Depression and anxiety tell us so many lies.
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