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Old 10-18-2018, 06:26 PM   #1
SarahSweden
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Default Why am I thinking in such detail and so often about my former therapist?

I had an abrupt ending to my therapy about a month ago and it had to do with a session limit within the organization where my therapist works. That limit made her end therapy abruptly and I wasnīt prepared for it.



Although my T was part in us needing to end therapy within just one session and I think she acted wrong I keep missing and grieving her tremendously.


But itīs not only that, I keep replaying things she said, how she looked, how her office looked on and on in my mind. I also think about private things like how her sex life is, how she might be affected by her menopause and so on. Itīs not that I would want to have a sexual relationship with her but I keep thinking about those things, not in an arousing way but I think more out of curiousness.



I ask myself things like how she lives with her husband, what they do together, if sheīs happy at work or not. Hundreds and hundreds of questions which I of course wonīt get an answer to.


I know about romantic transference but still - why am I thinking so much and in so much detail about my therapist? Is it because it gives me some kind of feeling of keeping her close even if thatīs just in my mind?
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Old 10-19-2018, 02:30 AM   #2
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Default Re: Why am I thinking in such detail and so often about my former therapist?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden View Post
I had an abrupt ending to my therapy about a month ago and it had to do with a session limit within the organization where my therapist works. That limit made her end therapy abruptly and I wasnīt prepared for it.



Although my T was part in us needing to end therapy within just one session and I think she acted wrong I keep missing and grieving her tremendously.


But itīs not only that, I keep replaying things she said, how she looked, how her office looked on and on in my mind. I also think about private things like how her sex life is, how she might be affected by her menopause and so on. Itīs not that I would want to have a sexual relationship with her but I keep thinking about those things, not in an arousing way but I think more out of curiousness.



I ask myself things like how she lives with her husband, what they do together, if sheīs happy at work or not. Hundreds and hundreds of questions which I of course wonīt get an answer to.


I know about romantic transference but still - why am I thinking so much and in so much detail about my therapist? Is it because it gives me some kind of feeling of keeping her close even if thatīs just in my mind?
I think, thinking about her in such detail keeps you emotionally connected to her, which is especially important to you now when you can't see her. This is perfectly natural.

I am also guessing that you don't have much of a social life and/or close relationships with people right now. Loneliness just makes the desire to stay connected to your former T more intense, especially because she was, probably, the only one you could discuss your private life with. So, it's perfectly understandable why you are preoccupied with all these thoughts.
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Old 01-05-2019, 10:59 AM   #3
SarahSweden
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Default Re: Why am I thinking in such detail and so often about my former therapist?

Thanks. I agree itīs some kind of way to still feel "close" to her by keeping her in my mind. There hasnīt been one single day when I havenīt thought about her, what sheīs doing and whether she thinks of me or not.

Even if Iīve now spent some time with a few relatives during holidays I keep missing my therapist even if I also rather often feels angry about her and how negligent she acted.

I keep imagining her office, the chairs and so on and how she now sees other clients. Itīs a bit of a comfort that I know she wonīt be allowed to see any clients for as long as she saw me and by that she wonīt form such a bond as she did with me.

But I know I need a professional who understands and want to understand this abrupt termination and how such a grief is manifested.

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Originally Posted by Ididitmyway View Post
I think, thinking about her in such detail keeps you emotionally connected to her, which is especially important to you now when you can't see her. This is perfectly natural.

I am also guessing that you don't have much of a social life and/or close relationships with people right now. Loneliness just makes the desire to stay connected to your former T more intense, especially because she was, probably, the only one you could discuss your private life with. So, it's perfectly understandable why you are preoccupied with all these thoughts.
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Old 01-05-2019, 11:27 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why am I thinking in such detail and so often about my former therapist?

Hi
I get this now, sadly. I lost my T 3 weeks ago. I've had sexual dreams since and constant thoughts during the day, feelings of frustration and anger to longing to talk again etc.

I have tried being social, actually gone out quite a bit with people and even have a new job where I have to talk to people but it doesnt help. Every single person I am mentally comparing to him and none of them are enough for me. I want him and no one else.

I'm sure in time, the intensity will lessen but I think for at least 2 yrs (When I'm allowed to reach out again) I will think of him often... and the sucky part is, I know that he never thinks of me and has already moved on.

It's hard because I believed we had a real connection and he admitted to feeling one too, but then easily just walked away like I'm nothing.

Anyway, I'm sorry you are still dealing with this
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Old 01-05-2019, 06:00 PM   #5
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Default Re: Why am I thinking in such detail and so often about my former therapist?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden View Post
I had an abrupt ending to my therapy about a month ago and it had to do with a session limit within the organization where my therapist works. That limit made her end therapy abruptly and I wasnīt prepared for it.



Although my T was part in us needing to end therapy within just one session and I think she acted wrong I keep missing and grieving her tremendously.


But itīs not only that, I keep replaying things she said, how she looked, how her office looked on and on in my mind. I also think about private things like how her sex life is, how she might be affected by her menopause and so on. Itīs not that I would want to have a sexual relationship with her but I keep thinking about those things, not in an arousing way but I think more out of curiousness.



I ask myself things like how she lives with her husband, what they do together, if sheīs happy at work or not. Hundreds and hundreds of questions which I of course wonīt get an answer to.



I know about romantic transference but still - why am I thinking so much and in so much detail about my therapist? Is it because it gives me some kind of feeling of keeping her close even if thatīs just in my mind?
Maybe similar to a child’s curiosity/questions about what their parents might do behind the closed bedroom door?
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